Eastbound S Turn - The Adult Shop Cowboy Star Owns You
posted by on June 1 at 9:47 AM
Billings, Montana. Right lane ends. North Dakota spillings.
I-90 to 94 E. Daydreaming crow. Shapes in the clouds. Dragons mostly. And Santa Claus. Music is Prefuse 73, Lambchop, CAN, and Tom Vek ““ We Have Sound.
Head Like a Kite here, heading to New York. Getting ready for 17 consecutive nights of shows. Colstrip, Montana - We’re stopped on the side of the freeway for a phone interview with a newspaper in Denver. Reception fades in and out. The Doppler effect shifts the pitch of the passing engines. Everything is a road.
Photos: Marlon Schaeffer
Is it me, or does it seem like the more dangerous a truck’s cargo, the worse the driver is. Airline fuel, lighter fluid. The highly flammable silver triple length trailer with warning signs all over it ““ who decided to give that load to Hank? You’re on a downhill S turn, and there’s Hank. Hank’s had 6 DUI’s, he’s eating an Arby’s roast beef, he’s got a Bugs Bunny dvd playing, and he’s looking at a Hustler. Metallica’s “˜Master of Puppets’ is on, it’s pouring rain and he’s been driving for 18 hours straight.
Photos: Dan Tyler
Hank is into knives and porn. He’s the adult shop cowboy star. Can’t this guy drive the hay truck or make some sort of bulk napkin delivery? I mean, he gets in fights at his son’s Cub Scout meetings. Come on.
As far as that S turn, you ain’t gonna pass him, Hank’s a bulldawg, he owns it. He don’t care. Jack it up, get it up, and throw it down. Fight, fish, install turbo, and survive.
I don’t think gun racks and Eminem mix. Let’s get Hank off the road and into a bass fishing rodeo colony for NASCAR addicted cartoon watching wrestlers.
Columbus, Montana ““ Gas: $2.75 a gallon. Los Angeles, California ““ Same gas: $3.52. Supply and demand? Our money goes toward some oil man and his yacht. Vote Bush, vote Hank. Get out the Hustler and speed.
Photos: Dan Tyler
Trent - out.
I hop on to see if there has been a Trent post. And there it is. And it is fresh. 17 shows in a row? Driving to NY? Watch out for all the Hanks!
First off, another smeggin' classic from Sir Trancealot. Second off, if Marlon doesn't drive and Dave doesn't drive, and you have seventeen freaking shows in a row, that means Trent is driving as much as Hank. I'm imagining some sick morph action going on with cartoon carnage and assorted tomfoolery transpiring. But, don't listen to me. I just got done watching that South Park episode where the old people drove their cars into a Farmer's Market and mowed down a bunch of hippies. So, I'm sure you'll be fine.
First off...you don't want Marlon to drive. No offense Marlon, but you need to keep that trigga finga on the camera and poised for the props shots. If ya give Dave control of the wheel that means he is the Supreme Ruler over teh power window controls. Not a good thing if you've spent much time with El Presidente. Especially in confined areas with little air circulation. Trent!!! Kick it out Dog and Take COmmAND!!!! You will undoubtedly have to summon all the Ghandi power you can muster to pull throw this one man. Wish I could join yaz.
signing off - T
2:56 am, stinky, sweaty, soggy- welcome to brooklyn my friend don't leave me here.... (sob)
I hate the Hank types. I know exactly what you mean. It pisses me off too!!!! The Hustler and the Bugs Bunny DVD are classic. The guy is in there and he has it all going at the same time.
Can I sign up for the t-stack direct deposit? I want these words streaming realtime to my inbox.
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