P-Funk, back in the day: You should’ve seen their rider.

In the current issue’s George Clinton/P-Funk feature, I got cosmically sloppy in a couple of places, as reader Josh Welbel pointed out in an email. In the name of accuracy, I bring the errors to your attention here.

Mr. Welbel notes that “Loose Booty” is not a celebration of feminine cabooses, but rather “about nodding out on junk. It’s that kinda loose.” Apparently, I was too mesmerized by the song’s awesome music to hear the crucial line about “Doin’ the junkie twist.” I slouch corrected.

Josh also takes issue with my interpretation of “Flashlight.” “If there is phallic imagery in the lyrics, please enlighten me, as I have never noticed it,” he writes. “As in any art we see what were lookin’ for, I suppose, but as far a I can tell it’s a flashlight that helps ya find the funk. It’s the light that’s inside of us that lights the way, it is funk enlightenment, etc. But a euphemism for the human shmekle?”

Shmekle? What, schwanz isn’t good enough for you? But seriously, I took liberties with that analysis. Given Clinton’s predilection for sexual innuendo, it’s not that farfetched that he’d consider the flashlight as a metaphor for dick. Maybe that assessment says more about me than it does about George. What it says I’ll leave up to you, dear reader. In the article, I do touch on the illumination part, and it doesn’t seem like much of a stretch to extrapolate enlightenment with sexual pleasure, knowing P-Funk’s track record, though the lyrics don’t explicitly say this is so.

Welbel continues: “All bass parts on [“Flashlight”] are played by Bernie [Worrell] on a MiniMoog bass synth. Bootsy [Collins], as far as I know, is not on that song at all, though Catfish [Bootsy’s brother] may be. If it is Catfish you are referencing then I apologize wholeheartedly.”

Welbel’s right about Bootsy not playing bass on “Flashlight.” Apparently he plays drums (?!) on it, according to Wikipedia.

Welbel concludes, “It pains me to send you a less than praising response to your piece; but, there are few songmakers on this planet worthy of analysis and I feel the P-Funk crew are, in fact, among them, and I think they deserve accurate representation. I appreciate that you meant no harm, of course, I just think you may need to go back to P-School.”

Ooh, pwnd.