Exit Interview The Last Word From Andrew WK
posted by April 14 at 4:33 PMon
After last Friday’s Andrew WK show, I wrote the man to get his take on the party, and to clear up any confusion about the night. Here’s what he wrote back (emphasis mine):
Dear Eric, Here’s my write-up. Hope it’s not too late for you to still use! Thanks so much for your support and the opportunity to reflect on that night:
Right now, I’m in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. I’m trying to figure out what’s going on. I’ve been thinking back to Seattle, the party we had there, and the things that happened that night. I feel confused, but I’m very clear on that confusion.
On April 6th, 2007, there was an ANDREW W.K. party organized in Seattle at a place called Chop Suey. The party was part of the HIGH-WAY PARTY CRUISER TOUR. The point of this tour was to map out a west coast road-trip, cruising in a Cadillac to different towns, seeing the sights, meeting fun folks, hanging out and dancing, and then stopping-off each night with an “enjoyable-life” party. We also scheduled a couple of lectures - one in Vancouver and one in Portland. After Vancouver, Seattle, and Portland, the rest of the parties were in central Canada.
I wasn’t planning on writing down my thoughts about what happened in Seattle. To be honest, it’s been nearly impossible for me to really know exactly what occurred that night. It’s not that I don’t remember what happened - I actually remember the night quite well - I just have no way of knowing what was going on at the party. Everyone is going to have their own view of what happened to them.
I’ve heard different reactions from different people. Some people said it was the greatest night they’ve ever had. Other people told me they had never had a worse time in their entire lives. In fact, one person said that the night changed her whole life and immediately after that, she said she was scared and sad about what happened. When I asked her to explain her feelings further, she said that she had always had certain expectations and understandings about me, her life and herself in the world, and she said, after the party, she started seeing things differently, and she wasn’t sure if it was good or bad. She said she felt “displaced” and “out of her comfort zone”. Then she said it was all my fault.
Thinking back to that night in Seattle, I can only guess what people were thinking. I don’t know what I was thinking either. I wasn’t present. I was displaced and out of my own comfort zone. I want to apologize for anything I may have said or done to upset people, offend them, or confuse them. All I wanted was to see what would happen. I didn’t know and for that I feel very uncomfortable. At the same time, I’ve been making efforts to lose myself and to push to do things that might seem like a “bad idea” but that are exciting. Maybe this all was a horrible idea, and maybe I should’ve just been there myself to make sure everything was normal. But the night happened like it did, the person who performed did fine and he shouldn’t feel bad about what was ultimately all my choice. I put him up to it, and I made him do what he did. I heard that people have been asking for their money back.
I want everyone who came to the party that night to feel good. If that means saying “I’m sorry”, then I’m sorry. I want everyone who came to understand how much I enjoyed the experience, even if it felt somewhat off-balance and upsetting to some deep part of my sensibilities. In this world, it seems to me that nothing can ever really be “understood” or “known”. I want to feel good, have fun, and express love - if I know anything, I guess it would be that. It has seemed to me that going all the way off the road is the best way to feel alive. If it wasn’t even me doing it, it was still the most alive I had ever felt. Seattle had the party, and I enjoyed it as much as anyone. It wasn’t supposed to be anything but fun. I want to be in love and live life all the way.
Should I apologize for not being the way you thought I would be? If people think it wasn’t me, there’s nothing I can do or say to make you feel or think what you want. You choose your feelings and I choose my own. Together, I hope we choose to feel love.