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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Montana Tundra - Spirit Trashie

posted by on April 17 at 10:35 AM

davesnow.jpgI’m Eastbound I 90 - 94. Billings, MT to North Dakota. Head Like a Kite is on the road for a month. 1st day here of a straight shot drive to New York. Mileage of the initial phasing through altitude sees wine snow cones, phones, and Super Dave.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Trashies. They are true dominance. That, is how you tour. I dedicate this tour to the Trashies and the swath of their giant naugahyde blitzkrieg. Please, Obi Won Trashie, be the atlas of my eastward seek. The asphalt grinder files me down. The enzymes of the highway tar slice me by. Help. I must emerge and swivel. I know I can be more Trashie.

Slept passenger seat and had a half dream about the Trashies. They were teaching an etiquette class. Except it was the opposite of etiquette. They were teaching how to be un-mannerly, rude, and messed up. The singer from Bare Naked Ladies was there taking a penmanship lesson, but he kept writing too neatly.

His cursive was all perfectly swirled and neat. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t write messy. The Trashies were screaming at him and haranguing him and making him do pushups. “This W is way too flowing, and that ‘E’ looks like a Summer’s Eve commercial! You call that a ‘Z’?” His Z had some extra swirl they couldn’t get over.

vultureroad.jpg

The Trashies had a pet vulture named Hector. He was their mascot, their pride and joy. It was like falconry, but the Trashies had pimp vulture, who wasn't blind folded. Hector kept messing with the BNL singer, breaking his pencils and pulling his hair out with his beak. A pack of sorority girls was there and had been totally in love with the BNL guy. He was singing all his happy songs for them on an acoustic and they were swooning. Hector flew over, ripped the guitar out of his hand, pecked it into scrap wood, and chained him to a desk for his Trashie penmanship lesson.

Impressed with Hector’s display of manliness, the sorority girls fell in love with him instead. The end of the dream had the BNL guy being forced to get a neck tattoo of the Cookie Monster. Then, he had to take dictation, in messy handwriting, of Hector reciting pimp love letters to the girls:

“Dear Sally, when it is your assigned slot, I will love you down. I will shine my cane for you. I will clothe you in silk and take you roller skating. Your dimples flotate me and rouse my pectorals to bulge for your protection. I will play you the ‘Canopy Level Sounds’ CD I purchased at the music store. I will squeegee you with lotions and caress your troubles into oblivion.”
The BNL guy would show him what he had written, but when it was too neat, Hector would tear it up and began again. BNL lady guy would whimper and sniffle.

Hector was sitting on a Lazy Boy lounger in a smoking jacket with the sorority girls snuggled up to him, petting him, cooing, and feeding him ox intestines and optic nerve linguini chum. The Trashies smiled proudly at their boy.

RSS icon Comments

1

Trashies tour=Real/Interesting

Head Like A Kite tour=Imaginary/Boring

Posted by wake me up before you go go...oh, you're already gone...never mind | April 17, 2007 11:24 AM
2

um, trent? youre insane. and kinda brilliant.

Posted by jz | April 17, 2007 2:05 PM
3

more like

Head Like A Kite tour=awesome/brilliant

Posted by bloome | April 17, 2007 6:58 PM
4

amen to that Jz trent sure is brilliant with just a little crazy mixed in for fun.

Posted by rafael | April 17, 2007 6:59 PM
5

the bosch gps radar was close, but off by 60 miles, so they got lost in greater Cleveland. (I guess 60 miles off is not so hot for GPS radars.) When i made contact 5 minutes ago, trent divulged he was wearing his "thong and a tutu", while driver Einmo had on his unitard. Highway toll personnel looked at them askew. NYC eta is 5pm, at which time we will make sure to give them a "Gauntlet"-type greeting. However, they will not be allowed to wash their soiled sequined outfits in our facilities.

Posted by bosch | April 17, 2007 8:30 PM
6

Post some pictures of some naked people and we'll call it good. Don't puss out.

Posted by Hey Trent! | April 17, 2007 11:36 PM
7

Holy shit, that is good. Be safe out there, Trent. Get nude. Please send more pimp love letters.

Imaginary? Hell fucking yesss. Boring? Hell fucking nooo.

Wake me up when the Trashies play more than 2 venues over the span of 4 weeks.

Posted by shane | April 17, 2007 11:43 PM
8

BOSCH, TRASHIES, TRENT ALL IN ONE READ IS LIKE WORTH THE BLOGFEST. Why does everyone want Trent o get nude? It's cold in Montana. Too cold for Barenaked Ladies. Send pixs of Bosch!!! Tante

Posted by Tante | April 18, 2007 10:15 AM
9

Did you take Charlie? Charlie on tour with Batman and Robin, yes.

Posted by Tante | April 18, 2007 10:16 AM
10

I've actually seen Trent Pimping parrots. They all want and work for crackers. But boredom was never an issue.

Posted by knasty4u | April 18, 2007 2:42 PM

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