Song I Hate Everything About You
posted by June 12 at 12:43 PMon
“Information Travels Faster,” by Death Cab for Cutie started it. My iPod was on shuffle this morning (I was too indecisive to actually commit to listening to anything) and that was the first song that came up. Here’s the opening line:
I intentionally wrote it out to be an illegible mess.
You wanted me to write you letters, but I’d rather lose your address
and forget that we’d ever met and what did or did not occur.
“What an awful and terrible thing to say,” I thought. “Christ, I’d hate to be the girl that inspired this song.”
Which got me thinking (it’s what I do), What’s the meanest song I’ve ever heard? What song, of all songs, is the one song I’d never want to have ever inspired?
Immediately, the old Brand New tune came to mind; “Seven Times Seventy Seven” wishes a brutal death against its muse.
So is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause I’ve seen more spine in jellyfish
I’ve seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids
Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there’s ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
and again when your head goes through the windshield
Then I started thinking about how every Minor Threat song would probably sting a little if I were the dude Mckaye were screaming at. (But I’m not because I’m straight edge—woot woot!). But with that in mind, and for the sake of paring things down, I eliminated most hardcore songs that came to mind just because almost all of those songs seem mean in one way or another when they’re really just angry and not necessarily that cruel. (I mean “Fuck you” isn’t the meanest thing to say to someone no matter how pissed you sound. Be creative with your insults, people.)
I’m also not going to count anything that could be classified as “hate” music (like Prussian Blue) because, well, that shit’s really mean and I don’t want to shine a spotlight on it if I don’t have to. (Plus, those girls is hella creepy—Children of the Corn creepy.)
I’m trying to think of mean songs by musicians or bands who don’t necessarily focus on writing mean songs all the time. I think that makes the insult that much worse. Death Cab, for example aren’t really that harsh, but even in their sparkly catalog of indie rock, Mr. Gibbard’s managed to fit in a few biting lyrics (See also “Tiny Vessels”). And bonus points if the lyrics are actually good.
So as I scanned my iPod for inspiration, and tried to visualize my entire CD collection in order to come up with the epitome of nasty, I sent a text message out to 25 or so of my closest friends. "Sluttering" by Jawbreaker (see, I'm not the only one who's obsessed!) was the only song to get two votes. Another friend also suggested the aforementioned Brand New track.
A few people mentioned songs I never heard, including "Fuck You" by Archive, which is shockingly harsh.
Bet you sleep like a child with your thumb in your mouth
I could creep up beside put a gun in your mouth
Makes me sick when I hear all the shit that you say
So much crap coming out it must take you all day
There’s a space kept in hell with your name on the seat
With a spike in the chair just to make it complete
When you look at yourself do you see what I see
If you do why the fuck are you looking at me
Wow. Dude's pissed.
"How Do You Sleep" by John Lennon, "No Scrubs" by TLC, "No Children" by Mountain Goats, "Your Cheatin' Heart" by Hank Williams, "59 Times the Pain" by Hüsker Dü, "You're Ugly" by Butt Trumpet, "Hit the Road Jack" by Ray Charles (but written by Percy Mayfield, right?), and "It Ain't Me, Babe" by Johnny Cash, "Lipstick" by Guttermouth, "So What" by the Anti Nowhere League (complete with the line "you boring little cunt"), and "that one Cock Sparrer song" also got votes.
And Jonathan Zwickel immediately started singing the opening to "Last Caress" by the Misfits (and covered by Metallica) when I asked him the question. "I got something to say! I killed your baby today!" The song also mentions raping your mom. Harsh toke, for sure.
But what's the meanest?