Shit Talk I’m a Negative Creep
posted by on July 5 at 14:01 PM
What started that conversation about bad music yesterday (the one that resulted in discovering the Most Important Question You Will Ever Be Asked) was the less-important but still relevant question I posed to my friends just the day before: “What is your least favorite song?”
Sometimes you can learn more about a person by knowing what they hate as opposed to what they love, so I asked whoever I could. But I had another motive. After 27 years of wondering, I think I finally decided that my least favorite song of all time is… okay, I didn’t decided on one, but I did narrow it down to three. So I asked my friends what they hated, so I could make sure there weren’t really tragic tunes out there that I had erased from memory. I wanted to be sure of my decisions. And I am.
They are, in no particular order:
“If You Wanna Be Happy” by Jimmy Soul (no link, but it’s that “Don’t make a pretty woman your wife…” song)
“Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus
“The Lion Sleeps Tonight” by the Tokens
“Achy Breaky Heart” is bad. No explanation necessary there, I’m assuming. And “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” gets stuck in my head for days and I want to dig out the part of my brain it’s housed in with a spork. But “If You Wanna Be Happy” is that song that is never going to go away. Ever. And it’s a terrible, terrible song and I only know the chorus and there’s no way I’ve heard it any more than a dozen times in my entire life (no thanks to Mermaids, starring Winona Ryder and Cher) yet it continues to exist, popping up without warning, without reason, and without any sort of anecdote. Christ, I hate that song.
And if I hated you (and I might act like it sometimes, but I swear I don’t), I’d make you the worst mix tape ever with those three songs on it. They’d just loop over and over again for the 90 minutes Memorex gave me.
As for what my friends said, well, there weren’t a lot of shocking answers, initially. But I do have to admit I am a little surprised no one suggested Creed.
The text messages started rolling in…
"Mambo No. 5" by Lou Vega, "Cherokee People" by Paul Revere and the Raiders, "Boogie Man" by Rob Zombie, "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple, "Cumbersome" by Seven Mary Three, "Great Expectations" by Kiss, anything by Rush, "Something by Sheryl Crow, but I try not to think about her too much, so I can't give you specifics," and "the entire Red Hot Chili Peppers catalogue because Anthony Kiedis is like Leonardo Dicaprio in What's Eating Gilbert Grape, but with worse lyrics."
Touche.
The Beatles, though, were the only band to get two votes--one for "Piggies" (understandable) and another for "A Day in the Life." I had to confirm that one. "Really?" I asked. "Really!" my friend replied. I later learned he misread the question and that is his favorite song of all time. Mystery solved. Another friend also claimed "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2, which even mystifies him a little bit. And Alanis Morrisette, Tina Turner ("Proud Mary"), Kid Rock, Bonnie Tyler, and Salt 'n' Pepa also got votes.
Still, after hearing all the really great suggestions for really terrible songs, I feel confident in my choices. I also learned, once I started thinking about it, I really dislike a lot of songs in the world. I forget that sometimes, since I usually focus on the good ones.
Like this:
(Which just came on at the coffeeshop I'm hiding at, and which was also Eric Grandy's choice for Best Song Ever (This Week) a few months ago.)
Sometimes you gotta face what you hate to better appreciate what you love.
867-5309.
"How Bizzare", OMC
Wait, who doesn't like "Negative Creep?"
No one voted for "Negative Creep." I just had the song in my head and it was fitting, since everything I've posted today is about which music I hate the most.
I am not, however, stoned.
Cat Scratch Fever
Any time I'm forced to listen to KUBE by someone at work, I learn a new song that trumps all the rest on this kind of list. That "to the left" thing by Beyonce, and this generation's everlast, that song I think called "runaway girl" or something like that. Truly horrible shit that makes sane people want to kill. I am seriously not into violence against women, but I will drown Beyonce in her B'det if I ever meet her.
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Starship, "We Built This City"
Styx, "Mr. Roboto"
Tim McGraw, "Don't Take the Girl"
thank you
Paul McCartney's Christmas song. I love the Beatles, but the closest I've come as an adult to an actual physical fight was with some stupid woman who insisted on playing it through the holiday season.
Country music also opens a whole can of shit-worms that didn't get mentioned in the post. I honestly believe the worst stuff from KMPS and KUBE far exceeds the badness of the worst stuff we're mostly familiar with, like vomitous Rush and execrable Styx. The existence of that stuff renders this whole pursuit moot. None of us know the REAL worst songs because we know how to avoid hearing them in the first place with proper radio dial control (or full AM/FM avoidance).
Kokomo - Beach Boys
The Top Gun soundtrack
No More Lonely Nights - Paul McCartney
Having My Baby
"Billy, Don't Be A Hero"
"The Night Chicago Died"
"McArthur Park"
..and a second to "We Built This City" and "Mr. Roboto".
Does "Toxic" (by Britney Spears) count?
And I will personally nuke any city Grace Slick builds on Rock & Roll, much as I loved the old stuff she did.
"December" by Collective Soul. That's the first one that comes to mind.
I just realized I can't even come up with a top 3. The stuff I hate a lot, I tend to hate equally. But I'll come up with 3 more names, for people's consideration:
1) Saving all My Love for You (Whitney Houston)
2) I Will Always Love You (Whitney Houston)
3) It's My Party (& Judy's Turn to Cry) (Who cares?)
no way. the latest lady marmalade makes me want to scratch my own eyes out!
While not the worst song in the world, I find "Hollaback Girl" nearly unlistenable. It's no better than "My Humps" people. Really.
ooh, good ones, gnarly and paulus! as in holy shit those songs suck ass. the irony of that stick figure fergie singing about feminine form just kicks it up a notch, too.
Georgie Girl - The Seekers
I really hate this song. The lyrics are so horrible...basically it's "hey, you loser girl! Go buy some nice clothes so boys will like you!" Really empowering. And god it's just so.....bad.
Every song by Bright Eyes. I fucking loathe Bright Eyes.
"Sweet Home Alabama."
WHOOO LET DA DOGS OUT!!!???
My boyfriend's choice is The Doors' "Roadhouse Blues".
Mine has to be Milli Vanilli's "Blame It On The Rain". I had the life-changing misfortune of working in a corporate record store when this was a hit and we had to play it all the fucking time.
I disagree on roadhouse blues, but I understand the reason people might list it. Still, it belongs nowhere near the list of the worst. Doesn't hold a candle to Milli Vanilli or the latter day Lady Marmalade.
You know that Elvis song "I'm caught in a trap / I can't walk out / because I love you too much baby /"
It repeats that like 8,000 times! URGH
"Werewolves of London" makes me want run away and die everytime I hear it.
The Rose, by Bette Midler. Awful, awful, awful song.
3 more:
1) Knights in White Satin - Moody Blues
2) American Pie - Don McLean
3) Start Me Up - Rolling Stones
Ooh! How'd we miss American Pie? So amazingly bad it put's She's My Cherry Pie to shame. I won't give you the other two, Lasagna, because I'm neutral to Start Me Up and like the camp value of Knights.
Bette Midler deserves (dis)honorable mention, and I can only thank god almighty I'm not familiar enough with her catalog to know what "the Rose" sounds like.
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Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel
I will actually turn a television off if the video comes on. I can't stand this song or the video, but I can't explain why.
A close second would be that ROLY POLY FISH HEADS song by I don't know and I don't care.
Some say love... it is a flower...
Oh, Paulus, you filthy-ass whore! :-P hehe. Agreed with black cats about fish heads - it's a "humor song" that forgot to be funny. Sledgehammer is probably a personal thing most of us don't get though. I'm not feeling you there.
Everytime I hear "Yellow" by Coldplay, it makes me want to sandpaper my ears off.
Radar Love, also...
"Achilles Last Stand" - Led Zeppelin
"'65 Love Affair" - Paul Davis
"Heart Attack" - Olivia Newton John
In no particular order...
"Conga" - Miami Sound Machine
"The Sign" - Ace of Base
"One Week" - Bare Naked Ladies
And so many more.
Maybe the question needs to be more specific - top 3 songs that you loved when they came out and hate now or top 3 songs you hate by bands you love (and sellout solos by Paul McCartney, Starship, Phil Collins etc don't count). Bette Midler and Zepplin shouldn't be on the same lists.
ugh, I think I would have forgotten about Bare Naked Ladies forever if it weren't for #35
who let the dogs out has been stuck in my head since the week of its release. a non-stop loop that will come to mind at random times, nearly driving me insane.
it is my most-hated song of all time and i have hatred in my heart for everyone inolved in its production.
"The Lion Sleeps Tonight" was actually a ripoff of a song called "Mbube" by a South African named Solmon Linda. He died poor in 1962 (after several american acts had hits with the song). His heirs didn't get any money until 2006. His original recording is phenomenal.
*Edit - Solomon Linda
1.Yeah Yeah by Matt and Kim
2.The Perfect Crime by The Decemberists..or actually anything by them.
3.When The President Talks To God by Bright Eyes...or anything else he does.
There are some actually really great pop songs being listed here. Just because you're personally sick of them doesn't make them bad.
Like, who put the Leslie Gore songs in their list? Really? Quincy Jones produced those... Leslie Gore is amazing!
Who doesn't love Paul Davis? Come on. Pretty soon you'll be dissing Pablo Cruise or Firefall, and I can't have that...
Warren Zevon? "Suspicious Minds"? The Nuge? Who are you heartless people?
Besides...the worst song of all time, hands down, is "I've Never Been To Me" by Charlene.
pg--And I happen to love "Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney & Wings...
Or Lesley Gore, even.
anything by Live.
Damn. A full third of the songs on here are some of my most-favorite guilty-pleasure songs. Kokomo? Mr. Roboto? Sledgehammer? Make me a mixed tape and I'll listen to it by myself, please! I agree with pgreyy@42: songs that are painfully overplayed are not, by mere virtue of overplay, bad songs.
That said...
"Honkey-tonk Badonkadonk," by Trace Adkins
"Fergilicious" by Fergie (Yes, overplayed. But it's not a bad song because it's overplayed. It's a bad song because it's a bad song. They fucking misspell the word "tasty" right there in the song!)
"I Need a Hero" from the Footloose soundtrack
"Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper, but only because I once saw a video-art exhibit at a museum that looped it, and during the entire three hours at the museum, we could hear it, quietly, persistently, constantly in the background. *shudder*
fergalicious (kill me!!!)
rock lobster (ugh)
honky cat
Kodachrome by Paul Simon. I hate that I had to think of it cause now that crap is in my head.
Oh yeah...and all Jazz. Jazz=bad
Buttercup I call shenanigans on "Kodachrome". That is a brilliant song. But I'll raise you a "Are You Going To Scarborough Fair?".
41, I think the argument could be made that you alone are responsible for the top(bottom?)-three.
46, Wait, "Honky Cat" by Elton John. That song rocks!
47, I don't get you.
Maybe its just me but theres very few older pop songs that I couldn't stand to listen through - but some of the more recent songs. Like I happened to catch about 20 seconds of some awful, fucking song with R Kelly and that one other popular guy, its some horrible horribly song about 'the same girl' or something like that. Its just so moronic and lacking any kind of redeeming factor...
There is not a worst three songs list to me. ANYTHING by Metallica, or Creed, or "I will always love you" sung by Whitney Houston, or "wind beneath my wing" by anyone, and especially "Lady in Red" by whoever the fuck it is who sings it will make me want to smash my radio to pieces.
Fucking "I Can't Dance" by fucking Genesis.
Also "Rhythm of the Night" by fucking Gloria Estefan
Bob Seger - Old Time Rock 'n' Roll
I worked at a baseball stadium when I was in high school. Try spending a summer listening to 2,000 rednecks drunk on $6 pints of domestic beer sing that song EVERY FUCKING DAY. 'Till it Shines' is a wonderful song. Sporting events, please swap the two and I'll be happy.
Van Morrison - Brown Eyed Girl
Same thing. If you've ever worked at a bar or somesuch place, this song is ruined for you. It's just another fat black hangover crap on the pile of songs about ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING. From now on, bar bands, you will cover 'Tupelo Honey' instead.
Anything by Creed. Seriously Scott Stapp. Just stop. We didn't tell you you could do that. You were born into a democracy, and lo, look how you have squandered your freedom to make a living as you choose. You are no longer entitled to the privileges inherent to a democratic republic. Henceforth, you will consult us whenever you make a career change. 311 kicked your ass for being a douchebag, and I bought one of their t-shirts for it. And I don't like 311. I kinda dug that 'Amber' song for a bit, but overall, they're just not what turns my crank. But you, Scott Stapp, rank up there with the Bush and Walton families in the short list of everything that is wrong with America. Now that we're all on to you Scott, I hope you squander your ill-gotten fortune, live a short unhappy life and die alone.
Good night and good luck.
vegetable lasagna @ 28
LOL - it's "Nights in White Satin", not "Knights in White Satin".
put 10 people in a room and ask them what their favorite or least favorite song, group or album is and you will have 10 different answers.
moral of the story - what you hate someone else might like and vice versa but it does make for some good conversation.
i'm just sayin
Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney's "The Girl Is Mine."
FACT.
I have this Kenny Loggins cover of "Rainbow Connection". Seriously, hunt that shit down. I like to keep it readily available so that I can punish other people with it. Here, look, I'll save you the trouble: you can download it. (There's a really bad Sarah McLachlan cover too, but Kenny's version is so far beyond "really bad" that it's really not a competition.)
Oh, god, I just put it on. I'm sorry, I win this one. It starts out ear-bleedingly bad and gets worse from there. I dare you to listen to the whole thing, seriously, I dare you.
"What's Up" by Four Non Blondes.
That shit makes me want to rip out my hair and pop my own ear drums.
Harrop needs to throw a party and spin all this crap for us. Except Kodachrome. And Smoke on the Water... I mean, c'mon. Some stupid with a flare gun, for Chrissake. But "We Built This City"? Could anything suck worse than that without being a country song?
Anything by George Thurogood
Anything by James Brown or Urethra Franklin
Anything by Stevie Ray Vaughn
System of a Down- Chop Suey. I saw this video when hungover and immediately had to throw up. Same with that My Own Worst Enemy song.
Who can forget the 8 times that you have to hear Friends in Low Places at every Karaoke place world wide.
That "Mustang Sally" song takes the prize though.
PS- Is it just me, or is Smells Like Teen Spirit wearing out its welcome?
lady.in.red.
"I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls. It makes me want to stab the eyes of puppies, but I usually just end up punching any of my friends who dare to sing along.
Obviously "Stars Are Blind" by Paris Hilton because I wish she was actually blind. She might fall into a hole or something.
top 3 worst songs are anything by:
nickelback
puddle of mudd (yes, 2 d's)
finger eleven
oh wait, all three bands are playing next month here in seattle, you say? how convenient- if you're suicidal. speaking of suicidal, that "suicidal" song on KUBE that sounds like amy winehouse going through puberty is quite vomitous, too. "you're just too beautifoool..."
"Last Kiss" by Pearl Jam. That song is enough to scrape any residual
good will towards that band right off the face of my frontal lobe with a
fawking trowel. Everything about it is worthy of nothing but scorn and
derision.
Also, I remember when working at Tower that there was this P. Diddy
album called "We Invented The Remix" with him looking like an Ass CLown
on the cover and all it was was Bad Boy crap "R&B / Hip Hop" artists
doing their crap "R&B / Hip Hop" songs while P-Diddly-Dee-Doo-Dufflebag-Doritostain occasionally went "Uh! Yeah! This is the remix!" over and over again. The worst was that goddawful "I need a girl" song. After hearing that 12 million times, I can honestly say it is the worst thing ever.
Anything from the "Black Eyed Peas" from the last 3 years (Fergie solo stuff included).
Any song where Wyclef (or Diddy) is in the background rapping.
Pretty much every Nickleback song.
gotta agree with 53, Old Time Rock and Roll by Bob Seger is the most annoying song ever written. That saxophone solo physically hurts me every time I hear it.
1) Achey Breaky Heart *vomit*
2) Bad to the Bone - *shudders*
3) Don't Worry be Happy *shoots self in face*
Also, any Christmas song done by a pop star.
Put those are just ones I can think of right now.....
I too hate "American Pie." And "Crocodile Rock." And maybe because I am one, "Brown-eyed Girl." They are all kind of the same song to me since my first job played a radio station that only seemed to own one hour's worth of classic rock. (I love classic rock actually, just not those songs.) They wouldn't bug me so much if other people did not LOVE them and feel compelled to put them in jukeboxes and SING ALONG horribly. Ugh.
I have to add that I despise "Cherish" by Madonna, mostly for the beyond insipid lyrics. Which reminds me of "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette. Thanks. I'll have shitty songs in my head all day.
Is Old Time Rock & Roll worse than the Heart of Rock & Roll by Huey Lewis? On the radio in Vancouver, they'd actually sub in him calling out "Vancouver" so you'd think it was actually in the song. Bob Seger's a legend, he can't possibly fall below Huey Lewis.
That said, I'm not even sure that's Huey Lewis' worst. There was Happy to Be Stuck with You and I Want A New Drug.
We Didn't Start The Fire
We Built This City
All Red Hot Chili Peppers
Whoever said Leslie Gore deserved any kind of props or that "It's my party" is any good at all, I'm afraid your license to own ears must be revoked. I will forgive Quincy Jones for being involved with it, but any woman who would sing some demeaning garbage like that song or especially its sequel must have her license to own ovaries revoked. Bet you didn't know you had body part licenses, eh?
BTW, some good new ones added to the list since I was here. Old time rock and roll, man... I think I did like it when I was five. Now, I must kill it with machetes. But I agree with lasagna that Zepp should never be on the same list with this other crap. For shame!
top 3 loved when hated: I actually have more that turned from hate to affection. Can you believe I used to dislike Queen and Zepp when I was a kid?
top 3 hated by bands loved: "angelfuck" by the misfits, "never named" by soundgarden, "california uber alles" by dead kennedys. And in every case it's because the lyrics. angelfuck and never named just have lyrics that sound retarded to me, and CAUA was better when it was called "We've Got a Bigger Problem Now."
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'old time rock and roll'
'cats in the cradle'
anything by fucking aerosmith, stevie ray vaughn, kiss...
'ebony and ivory'
'pink cadillac'
'devil went down to georgia'
'crocodile rock'
'suspicious minds'
'bad to the bone'
'born to be wild'
and mostly due to overexposure, i choke back vomit every time i hear the fucking supremes. and the eagles. and boston. oh, i hate boston most of all.
...these all seem to be mainstays at wedding-reception karaoke machines, meager of life-affirming chord progressions, and easy to sing whilst drunk.
it is nice to read these posts and know i am not alone in my malcontent. i feel such warmth and kinship to you all.
Pink Cadillac? Hadn't thought about it, but there just is not a version of that song I like. They're all so played out. For Aretha, Respect is much worse - particularly if it comes on while you're watching a movie. Bad to the Bone is bad for almost the exact same reason - good calls, pretentious. And you're the second person to mention suspicious minds. That is easily the worst Elvis song ever. Even beats "In the Ghetto."
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there are too many to name, but "mambo no. 5" has to be the most vile song to ever crack the top 10. "a little bit of you makes me your man". GRRRR!!! it's the most sexist turn in pop music since dion warned us to "keep away from runaround sue", despite bragging about his status as "the wanderer" in another song. what a pig!
"Invisible Touch" by Genesis. I am a Genesis fan (at least up to the self-titled "Mama" album but mostly the Peter Gabriel-era prog years) but Invisible Touch makes me want to vomit.
The same goes for pretty much any Beach Boys song recorded after 1972 (especially Kokomo).
And that Four Non Blondes song and Smashmouth's "Rockstar" makes me want to kill my self.
I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! at the Disco
@70,
I have this pet theory about Huey Lewis & the News. They were a great pop band band that tried way too hard to be a "hard-rockin' bar band." Listen to "Do You Believe in Love?", which is their only great song, with all those backing harmonies and the like. But the whole "hard rock" image made 'em crap.
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Already mentioned:
'Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime' by Paul McCartney and 'We Built This City' by Starship.
Needs to be added to the list:
'Gypsies, Tramps and Theives' by Cher and 'Centerfield' by John Foggarty. How could the dude that brought us CCR make a steaming pile of shit such as this???
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