Shit Talk Proven by Science: New Music Sucks
posted by on September 11 at 22:02 PM
Cyclopic blogger Momus, writing about the metacritical stat-porn over at Acclaimed Music, notes that half of the 100 most critically acclaimed LPs of the past 50 years were recorded between 1967 and 1976. Duh, say many of you, but it’s an interesting number. (Especially now that Pitchfork has passed its final judgment on the whole thing).
After tallying the usual list of inferences you could make from this — mostly of the everything sucks today / rock critics are old farts variety — he concludes instead that “the self-esteem of the music industry is currently at a fifty-year low.”
Yeah, maybe. But maybe not. In 2006, Randall Roberts gave a wonderful talk at the EMP Pop Conference that ran the numbers on the 10,000+ record reviews in the 1983 Rolling Stone Record Guide and found that:
Overall, their combined artistic merit was assessed by the Guide’s writers to be worthy of 2.518 stars. In other words, according to the Rolling Stone star system, the collected, complete American record collection circa 1983 ranked somewhere between “artistically insubstantial” and “of average worth.”
More after the jump.
(He also mentions that "Pitchfork uses the same scale, give or take a decimal point, as wine expert Robert Parker" -- his speaker's notes pair well with the rich wine geek story our big brother recommended today.)
Of course, music critics are mostly full of shit, and they are not to be trusted or lent money -- the "Best Single" winner of the 1997 Village Voice Pazz & Jop critics' poll was Hanson's "MMMBop," make of that what you will. But it's interesting to think about what makes a record a "classic" that you'd recommend to your children. One could argue that it takes at least 10 years for a record to settle before we can really judge its worth (cf. Hanson, above), or that such lists aggregate snap judgments made on deadline at 50 bucks a pop that do not stand the test of time (ibid.)
But on the other hand, it probably just proves that there's no such thing as pop music anymore. Maybe pop music -- the kind that an "objective" critical authority could compile into lists and PowerPoint until it becomes canonical truth -- has dissolved into so many self-organizing micro-scenes that it simply makes no sense to look at the whole landscape and decide what's worthy and what isn't. We're deep into the Long Tail here, and the stuff that lasts will still only last for some. The All-Time Top Tens of the future will have to account for the divergent tastes of people at the Decibel Festival and the Original Montana Testicle Festival in equal measure, and the aggregate will mean absolutely nothing.
In honor of this, I give you Acclaimed Music's 10 least recommended singles of all time:
2991. Chic, "Dance Dance Dance (Yowsah Yowsah Yowsah)," 1977
2992. The Heptones, "Book of Rules," 1976
2993. Roxy Music, "Mother of Pearl," 1973
2994. Little Feat, "Dixie Chicken," 1973
2995. Pat Benatar, "Love Is a Battlefield," 1983
2996. Black Box Recorder, "The Facts of Life," 2000
2997. Bob Dylan, "Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues,' 1965
2998. Sebadoh, "On Fire," 1996
2999. Phoenix, "Long Distance Call," 2006
3000. Otis Redding, "My Girl," 1965
I'm a was big fan of 'Love is a Battlefield'. Seeing Pat Benatar on the marquee in Vegas for a Vegas show 10 yrs ago was uplifting, Vegas style for Vegas carpet hopefuls.
I don't know that Sebadoh song, or can't recall the title. See, either I was playing fretless jazzbass with atonal filmmakers or singing Handel, sea Shanteys etc in the district of Bretagne, northern France during Dinosaur days, even early Dino Jr. days. so the first time I saw Lou Barlow was opening for them with WFIV. I was playing a percussion kit that hinged on a 70s style tv stand, much like the one that supports potted dirt on my back porch currently.
Sebadoh was great!
He lunged forward midset with a pickaxe about to wing it into the audience. the music sloppy and crazy and mean.
The last photo I saw of Lou was taken a month before Elliot Smith left - a party in LA - both guys look mundane.
Emoh by one and self-titled (Needle in the Hay) by the other get heavy rotation on my media player.
Confidential to Trent: a Music Editor that you may encounter at the office is a blowhard fake.
Tell him I know where he can get a beast boy buddah skinhead cut here in the southend, tell him to listen to Frances Farmer and that he take it seriously, ask him 'Are you Passionate?' after listening to neil young's album together, tell him Jerry Reed style, take this job and shove it.
sorry, matt not trwent or someone else, it's late---g'night
Artie Shaw called the Beatles' entire recorded output "trivia."
yeah, I took a long nap this evening. i wish i were in bed but, probably comments will get scarce. i have a new exciting position in an accountant's office coming soon, fingers crossed.
anyway, i thought i had some artie shaw, but instead it was les brown, a saxman not clarinet. so the cd is in and sounding grand! good for latenight codephiles like me, him, her, it.
September Song was played many times back in the day, even made it's way onto open-mic stages in Pittsburgh performing with benefit shows alongside Homeless folks--Have you ever heard "Misty" sung by a 300lb man in clothes and shoes that he would have 'killed' for to get perhaps 30 bucks.
Oh, its a long, long while from may to december
But the days grow short when you reach september
When the autumn weather turns the leaves to flame
One hasnt got time for the waiting game
Oh, the days dwindle down to a precious few
September, november
And these few precious days Ill spend with you
These precious days Ill spend with you
Happy September 12th!
Can someone recommend a better place than Tula's or Jazz Alley to hear someone doing 'Misty' like Ella Fitzgerald's rendition?
The people at Rolling Stone their collective head up their own ass which is located sometime in the mid- to late-70's.
And Pitchfork is home of the most pretentious creative writing majors of all time.
Yes, there is such a thing as pop music.
Two word, sissies.
Tay Zonday!
3001. "Hell is for Children" by Pat Benatar.
The worst song ever.
Matt,
There's a simple explanation for the concentration of canonization between 1967 and 1976. Disco and singles.
Disco was an exciting but financially risky hump for the music industry right after 1976. Since then, it's been more about singles then albums since the rebound in 1983 or so.
So obviously, the golden age of albums is going to be more concentrated in the '67 to '76 decade.
$50 bucks a pop? Ha!
Comments Closed
In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 14 days old).