Sound Check Beard Rock vs. Lit Rock
posted by on October 2 at 11:38 AM
If Beard Rock fought Lit Rock, who would win? How would they fight?
Beard Rock, as in bands such as Built to Spill, older Modest Mouse, and Iron and Wine.
And Lit Rock, as in the Decemberists, Death Cab, and Belle & Sebastian?
Colin Meloy, Ben Gibbard, and Stuart Murdoch would face Sam Beam, Isaac Brock, and Doug Martsch in a duel. Lit rock weapons are wit, literary reference, metaphor, and MFAs. Beard rock weapons are grit, rawness, bourbon, and beardidity.
Beardidity: the ability to up and grow a damn full-on lumberjack mountain-man beard in the course of one song, which is what Sam Beam does to open the battle. The quick growth catches Gibbard off guard, and he may have too much to handle.
But Gibbard rebounds off the ropes by turning a haiku about lily pads into a pop song about smoking cigarettes while driving a vespa on a winter day. It makes so much sense and is so catchy, it stuns Beam. The lumberjack beard shrinks back and he falters.
Isaac Brock is right there though, and replies with a guitar sound that is so shrill and from the mountains, Gibbard is knocked onto his lotus flower and needs jasmine tea.
Meloy’s got Gibbard’s back. The Decemberists singer steps in and plays a song to a maiden up on a balcony above. It’s so pretty and so ridden with ironic beauty and chord modulation that Brock yukes and Doug Martsch goes to smooth cheeks and peach fuzz. Beam stammers, but can’t reach his guitar to retort.
Martsch is out of control and reeling. He’s lost his beard. He’s confused. He starts playing lit rock. He sings a sonnet about an ancient forbidden Himalayan love myth, then passes out in defeat.
Although i sport facial hair, Lit-Rock gets my vote. I'll ask Kate Becker tonight which she'd vote for, and get back to you with her vote tomorrow. I'm pretty sure Mt Eerie and Calvin Johnson would be Lit-Rock.
Boy oh boy do I feel like I just learned a lot :D Beard rock wins over all....I am envious of the human male's ability to grow a beard. Can you grow a beard, Trent?
Beard rock is going to win every time...those book worms are wussies
Face it. Beards. Rock.
Isaac Brock could fight for both teams—he's frequently beardless and occasionally literary ("Bukowski" being the most obvious example). He certainly reeks of bourbon, but he's wordy as hell.
This is a tough one. I would say beard rock. But the ancient Himalayan love myth haiku would kick my ass too.
And I think Isaac should change the spelling of his last name to "Brawk."
I'll take 50 on the beard rock, that being said there is alot of angst built up in those lit rockers so they might turn in the suprise comeback:-)
No Gabe, I can't grow a beard for shit. I can do chops though.
True Fitsy, Brock could go both ways. You make a good point. But that could be the sub plot!
Which way would he go? Beard or book?
Maybe he's a spy...
This is already a trilogy. It's the epic mainstage battle of Beards vs. Books. Brock is in turmoil. Both sides want him. In his desperation he drinks too much Jolt Cola and comes out onstage with a full African backing band and does Paul Simon's "Graceland" record in its entirety.
It's kind of like Lord of the Rings. Or maybe Brock can't deal with the pressure, so he quits and joins Lord of Dance.
Better than Paul Simon, he hooks up with an aging rocker like Paul Simonon and starts playing 2-on-2 Bball against Josh and me.
Does Josh even play basketball? or does he just enjoy wearing the Jim Nantz mask?
Simonon and Nantz? That is plot twist I never would have expected. This is really going somewhere. It's like an Agatha Christie.
Wait, someone has to die.
"Murder on the Southbound Amtrak" -- A Hercule Poirot Mystery.
They are on a Talgo going to Portland. It is late.
Eric Grandy as Hercule Poirot.
Eric as Poirot? With the little Poirot moustache or a beard?Full on mutton? This is a very chopy topic...
Tante
Are you kidding me?
Doug and Isaac and Sam against...
those other guys?
Pfft, no contest there.
Bearded men make potent music.
You forgot Stuart...
Beards have their place, but Lit rock totally owns it and has ALWAYS owned it. Please.
phwiiirp
(not)
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