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Friday, October 19, 2007

Blender Names Worst Lyricists in Rock Music

posted by on October 19 at 10:25 AM

Blender has named who they think are the worst lyricists in rock music. Of course all dudes wrote up the list, and it’s Blender, so it’s not surprising that I have a few issues with it (Ben Gibbard, really?), but some on the list aren’t surprising at all. In fact, I wholeheartedly agree with them being included:

#40 - Anthony Kedis

If Jim Morrison had done yoga and strutted onstage with a sock on his dick, he’d have been the Red Hot Chili Peppers frontman.


#24 - Fred Durst

Worst lyric: “Bullies always putting me down/Just a little skater boy they could pick on/I learned to forgive ’em/Now I got the balls they can lick on” (“Lonely World”)

#21 - Alanis Morissette

Alanis nearly surpassed Bono as rock’s reigning inspiration for high school yearbook quotations when her 1995 album Jagged Little Pill sold 17 million copies. Sadly, the cigarette-flicking free spirit didn’t offer a very good example to students. She didn’t bother to look up ironic, pronounced theater “thea-tah” and spewed ontological nonsense like “I don’t want to be a bandage if the wound is not mine.”

Scott Stapp, Paul Stanley (THANK GOD!), and the dude from Panic! at the Disco get a shout out too.

As for who made the list at all, let alone much higher on the list than they should be?


Ben Gibbard at #16? Newer stuff, yes I suppose there’s some truth in that, but dude’s also penned some fantastic lines in his songwriting history. Then again, I’m a chick, so I suppose I’m just a sucker for a guy “who’s sensitive, wears glasses, likes long conversations, winter, standing by himself at ­weddings and disregarding his ex-girlfriends’ restraining orders.”

And Bernie Taupin? I suppose he has written some stinkers, but he’s written some gems too.

But no Avril Lavigne? Oh wait, she probably doesn’t write her own lyrics… No Coheed & Cambria either? Or My Chemical Romance? Or is the line “I’m not O-FUCKING-KAY!” acceptable?

My main beef is, though, that Greg Gaffin is listed as a worse lyricist than Kevin Federline. ANYONE being listed as worse than Kevin Federline is blaspheme. But as a friend just pointed out, “What’s surprising is that anyone actually considers Kevin Federline a lyricist.” Touché.

No spoilers here. If you wanna know how they named the Worst Lyricist Ever, click here.

(Also, Dashboard Confessional made the list, which I couldn’t agree with more. In fact, I take his lyrics to task in this week’s Underage. Click here to play the Can You Spot the Bad Dashboard Lyrics? Game!)

RSS icon Comments


ugh...worst of, best boring, the whole idea is just dull. thanks for spreading the dullness.

Posted by p | October 19, 2007 10:56 AM

Thumbs DOWN to Blender. They're hating on Jim Morrison and Sting? JM was one of the first, really ballsy poets of rock, and Sting tells a good story and is able to write songs that can reach out to all kinds of people, but alas, he does have some totally lame/fucked up lyrics too ("doo doo doo, da da da?", horrible chorus idea plus the verses are a little bit weird).
And maybe it's cause I myself am a self-reflective nice guy with glasses too, but Ben Gibbard is pretty much the man.

Posted by E | October 19, 2007 11:18 AM

I have to applaud Blender for stepping out on the line and really sticking it to Anthony Kedis, Sting, and Fred Durst. Those dudes are practically untouchable.

Posted by Brandon | October 19, 2007 11:45 AM

Blender has got to be the worst msuic magazine on the stand. They have never said anything worthwhile about anything.

Posted by Jeff Kirby | October 19, 2007 12:18 PM

Yawn, yet another worst list by Blender magazine. How about top five worst music magazines. #1 baby.

Posted by Laser Wolf | October 19, 2007 12:20 PM

i am so sick of hearing about the brilliance of jim morrison and his drug-addled pseudo intellectual jibber-jabber. his greatest career move was dying at 27.

interesting to see that the dude from jethro tull really DOES say "snot is running down his nose" in "aqualung". i thought that was one of those manfred mann/"wrapped up like a douche"* moments, where you're pretty sure you've heard right, but the lyrics are too terrible to be true. turns out i was hearing right all along.

[*the line is actually "revved up like a deuce", which i was really disappointed to learn.]

Posted by brandon | October 19, 2007 3:57 PM

For the record Alanis Morissette was 17 when she wrote that song. It's also rumored that she knew that she wasn't being ironic and that this was part of the irony (whatever)

I wonder if anybody who works at Blender has the best selling debut album of all time.


Posted by Lake | October 19, 2007 5:01 PM

Gee, Blender. Thanks for another LIST!

How the hell is "freckles in our eyes" not represented on that list?

Posted by list | October 19, 2007 5:51 PM

Arthur Lee is one of my favorite songwriters, but he did once sing, "The snot has caked against my pants" ("Live and Let Live" from Forever Changes). So, he has something in common with Tull--but he was still a better lyricist (and Bryan MacLean, who penned "Alone Again Or," was no slouch either).

Posted by Kathy Fennessy | October 19, 2007 9:14 PM

Greg Graffin is an awesome lyricist. Really makes you wonder what criteria for quality these idiots had in mind . . .

Posted by shub-negrorath | October 19, 2007 10:56 PM

Nothing like hack soundbite music writers presuming to tell lyricists what they're allowed to write about.

I mean Jesus, I think Rush and the Doors have pretty dumb lyrics too, but misfit teenagers need to find their inspiration somewhere. Hey, Blender writers: Let's see some of your poetry!

Yeah, I thought so.

Posted by flamingbanjo | October 20, 2007 4:31 PM

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