Sound Check Mauve Alert
posted by October 16 at 10:53 AMon
Reports are in that a Seattle grocery store played an instrumental, Muzak version of Soundgarden’s “Rusty Cage.” The person who called in the report was shopping for cream of broccoli soup when the Muzak came on.
The lyrics of the song say to “break your rusty cage and run.” Then there is talk of riding a pack of dogs. The cream of broccoli shopper didn’t break their can of soup, but they ran. And they didn’t ride a pack of dogs, they posted a ‘Mauve Alert’, screaming for people to get out of the store immediately.
Let’s be careful out there today, especially in the soup and cereal aisles (or Isles, thank you ‘Hungry).
This is a Mauve Alert. You may be leisurely browsing the cereal boxes, enjoying the fun shaped animals, the colors, and the sugar coated characters, but if they bust out an instrumental version of Hendrix’s “Little Wing” off the 1967 Axis: Bold As Love, you’re screwed.
The Mauve Alert Safety Commission instructions say to:
1) Wear a life preserver.
2) Put earplugs in.
3) Keep a baby can of Olympia Beer in your pocket at all times.
If Muzak like this comes on, drop what you’re doing, run into the parking lot, and pound the 8 ounces of beer as fast as you can. Then do four push-ups.
Be safe people.