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Friday, December 14, 2007

Your List Is Bullshit: ‘Best of 2007’ Season Begins

posted by on December 14 at 12:29 PM

Rolling Stone just released their top 100 songs of the year, and to no surprise, it’s everything you’ve heard on the radio all year peppered with some insane bullshit and relatively few gems. Its like everything they release is purposely trying to reinforce to the world that there is no reason to take them seriously as music critics anymore. You honestly think that the new Britney single was better than anything off of In Ranbows? Jesus, Rolling Stone, fuck you.

I was surprised by their placement of “The Past Is a Grotesque Animal” by Of Montreal. Big ups to Grandy, he called out that song’s quality months ago. I’d have never guessed this would be the song Rolling Stone would put toward the top of their list in a vein attempt to try and appease hipsters. My money would have been on Animal Collective.

“Nah wad mee youuuu!”

Coming in at #21 is “Crank That” by Soulja Boy. I am torn by this. I still can’t decide if this song is the kind of “special” that you take to Vegas and count cards with, or the kind that you see on the bus holding two empty bottles of Diet Coke with pee all over his pants. Either put this song in the top five or call it the worst song of the year. There is no in-between.

I shouldn’t be that surprised, but for some reason this kills me: Rolling Stone actually heard the new Linkin Park, Kid Rock, and Nickleback songs and thought to put them on the list of best songs of the year. Jesus, Rolling Stone, fuck you. You know who wrote better songs than them? Everyone. One time, outside the sandwich shop, I heard this homeless guy making up a song on the spot about all the people walking by, like, “Long hair, brown coat, talking with her friend…” I would put that song on my list before I ever acknowledged that inane Nickleback bullshit about how being a rock star is hard.

There are some of my favorite songs of the year on the list. Down around the two third mark are two of my top 5: “Seahorse” by Devendra Banhart (also BSEd by JZ) and “Impossible Germany” by Wilco. #31 is my favorite ballad of the year, “Don’t Matter” by Akon. I love this song because it effortlessly transports me to the bedroom of a 16 year old high school dropout, sulking in her room after a big fight with her parents about her 27 year old meth peddling boyfriend that they want her to break up with. But she loves him. They are in love. As she cries and curses her parents, she is consoled by Akon’s, high, nasal poetry. “Nobody wanna see us together, but it don’t matter…” The theme song for young, stupid, misguided love everywhere. It’s beautiful.

A more compact listing can be found over at Idolator.

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i twas inevitable in retrospect, but every year end list (EVERY LIST) is based solely on the perception of knowledge rather than what someone actually thinks. please just title this 'rolling stone's 2007 list of things we think the readers of blogs would probably list on their list'.

ps. all bloggers may lie, but the numbers don't:
top 5 albums of the year:
daughty - 3.2 million copies
akon - 2.7 million copies
'hannah montana' - 2.5 million copies
fergie - 2.4 million copies
carrie underwood - 2.3 million copies

that's 13 millions people (or 3 millions people with really bad taste) you can sell rolling stone to. stop flexing like you are hip...

Posted by cosby | December 14, 2007 12:46 PM

and yes, i am unable to proofread anything i write. my haterism is put into overdrive, grammar takes a back seat.

Posted by cosby | December 14, 2007 12:47 PM

"Nah wad mee youuuu" sounds like something I might eat at In the Bowl. Except there it would be called "Soulja Boy episode," of course.

Posted by Eric Grandy | December 14, 2007 12:51 PM

I don't think Rolling Stone even counts as a music magazine. You might as well have posted the Sports Illustrated list of Top 100 Songs. The level of credibility is about the same.

Posted by Ryan | December 14, 2007 12:56 PM

Also, this is obviously the song of the year:

Posted by Ryan | December 14, 2007 1:01 PM

the first time I heard Akon's Don't Matter was at a grungy bowling alley with the black lights and disco ball in full swing and a teenage couple in the lane next to me holding hands

beautiful indeed

Posted by andrv | December 14, 2007 1:31 PM

I agree w/ this post. Everytime I glance at the hot board 100 in the back of RS I get really depressed and start shaking.

Posted by Acme toy co. | December 14, 2007 2:05 PM

I think it'd be more interesting to analyze the short list of songs to pick from that the editorial staff was handed, then the actual results of the list.

Posted by Dougsf | December 14, 2007 2:08 PM

I'd like to add, however, that I think Rolling Stone is a good magazine, just not for music.

Posted by Dougsf | December 14, 2007 4:25 PM

Rolling Stone should just switch to political reporting, it seems to do a little better at that than discussing music

Posted by vooodooo84 | December 14, 2007 4:28 PM

Cato as a Pun is the best song on the sellout album of the year.

Equestrian is the song of the year.

You call RS out for the Camel advertising crap, and then you offer them free publicity?

Posted by left coast | December 14, 2007 6:12 PM

Yeah, I'm sure RS is gonna get a huge spike in subscriptions thanks to a critical mention on Line Out.

Posted by Eric Grandy | December 15, 2007 11:48 AM

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