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Tuesday, January 8, 2008

What Would Dave Matthews Do?

posted by on January 8 at 10:12 AM

dave_matthews_300.jpg


Remember 2007? Remember Strangercrombie? Remember how I wrote to Dave Matthews, asking if he’d like to donate something?

Like how Blake Lewis agreed to sing karaoke with somebody (‘crombie ‘07), and Ira Glass agreed to interview somebody (‘crombie ‘05), the Ethicist from NYT Magazine agreed to be somebody’s personal advisor (ditto)?

Here’s the email (abridged):

Hi Mr. Matthews:

My name is Brendan Kiley. I’m usually The Stranger’s theater editor, but once a year I turn into the Strangercrombie wrangler.

Philippe gave me your email address and said you might be interested in participating this year, which would be great.

In the past, we’ve auctioned off baseball tickets with Dan Savage and Sherman Alexie, an interview with Ira Glass, karaoke with Blake Lewis, etc.

We’ve got some bowling alleys who’d like to donate games. How about an afternoon of nine-pins, once you get back from South Africa?

I never heard back from Mr. Matthews—until today!

Hi Brendan, this is Brett, David’s assistant.

I would like to help you follow through on your request. I am hoping that Dave can offer something to you in lieu of bowling, etc, as his schedule does not permit him to confirm such an event.

Perhaps we can offer tickets to you for any show that DMB is performing in the year 2008. We usually do something to the effect of 2-4 tickets, with 2-4 lounge passes (these are passes that get you into an area during the show to enjoy some drinks and snacks), plus a signed photo as well to the winner of the auction.

Please let me know that this is acceptable to you. Stay in touch with me this year, and we will piece it all together.

Best to you, and good luck!

Brett

That’s a very generous offer, Brett. Thank you. The thing is, we like to offer something a little different for Strangercrombie. Something you can’t get anywhere else—like, say, Dave Matthews writes all your thank-you notes for Christmas. Or Dave Matthews tastes your soup and tells you if it needs salt. Or Dave Matthews tells your husband that you want a divorce.

No rush. We’ve got a whole year to think of something.

Maybe I’ll post your letter on Line Out and see if anybody has any ideas.

RSS icon Comments

1

how about:

* dave matthews and you agree to an inside joke where he refers to his backing band as 'the e street band' for one entire show.
* dave matthews misappropriates the history of southern music for your amusement.
* dave matthews admits he's not as cool as james brown arranger david matthews.
* dave matthews takes a shit on your town's highway overpass.
* dave matthews apologizes for that whole dave matthews thing.

Posted by cosby | January 8, 2008 10:38 AM
2

Dave Matthews has his assistant placate you?

Posted by Would That One Do Good? | January 8, 2008 10:50 AM
3

-or-

dave matthews trains you on how to maximize your schedule for maximum success.

Posted by cochise. | January 8, 2008 10:51 AM
4

I would really like to have a video of Dave Matthews sitting in front of a white wall, making the "world's smallest violin" motion.

Imagine all the times that would come in handy!

Posted by Ari Spool | January 8, 2008 11:23 AM
5

Dave Matthews Hand-Job.

Posted by Paulus | January 8, 2008 11:31 AM
6

DMB play Captin Beefheart and the Magic Band songs all night.
Dave becomes an acid casualty and makes several patchwork LPs living alone in an empty flat above Radio Shack in the U District.

Posted by don | January 8, 2008 12:19 PM
7

dm leaves a vm on your cell about why you should leave a message and why he thinks that wearing outdated shirts and khaki's are appropriate costumes to wear on stage despite hippy minded yuppies having to pay lots of moolah for a ticket to a 30 day stint at the gorge.

Posted by yearning | January 8, 2008 2:37 PM
8

Dave shares a Teva moment with you and your dog.

Posted by Crash Into Something Else Already | January 8, 2008 4:39 PM
9

Thanks to my latent skills in the realm of transdimensional particle physics (and with the help of a malfunctioning toaster), I have been able to access the 2008 Strangercrombie Catalogue:

"Dave Matthews agrees to retire from the music business, destroying all master tapes currently held in his possesion, and will embark on a new career as bodyguard for Bill O'Reilly.

Starting Bid: $50.00
Value: Priceless"

Posted by COMTE | January 8, 2008 4:40 PM
10

I like Dave Matthews.

Posted by Morgan | January 8, 2008 4:53 PM
11

Morgan, this ain't your fuckin' 12 step meeting.

Posted by Bill Dub | January 9, 2008 4:00 AM
12

"I would really like to have a video of Dave Matthews sitting in front of a white wall, making the "world's smallest violin" motion"

props, mad props to you love - brilliant~

Posted by katie .. | January 9, 2008 11:44 PM
13

Since Dave is such a supporter of organic farming and healthy farming practices, what if he sent the winner a basket of veggies grown from his farm in Virginia- or better yet a case of wine from his Virginia winery? No one from Seattle turns down wine!

Posted by Ashley | January 17, 2008 2:52 PM

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