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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

No Tats, No Piercings, No Hats, No Grunge Beard Baby, Yeah

posted by on February 26 at 11:36 AM

First, there was this song:

“Golfshirt” by Nerf Herder
I’m not the one you dream about
And I’m not the one you can’t live without
I’m not the one who you wanna see
I’m not the one who you want to be seen with

And when you’re tired of all the jerks
And you’re tired of all the work
And you’re tired of being hurt
You will long for the comfort of my golf shirt

I’m not the one who was an old time punk rocker
I was listening to Rush and trying to feather my hair back
When all that stuff went down
I’m not the one who was in a high school hardcore band
I sat in my room scoring with Ms. Pac-Man

And when you’re tired of all the jerks
And you’re tired of all the work
And you’re tired of being hurt
You will long for the comfort of my golf shirt

No tats, no piercings, no hats, no grunge beard baby, yeah [x4]

Now there is this:

“Golfshirt (Part 2)” by Nerfherder
Parked at the dark end of your street
I’m sticking to my vinyl seat
I got my big old spy scope out
I’m sneaking right up to your house

My golfshirt is tattered and torn
I’ve been wearing this thing for so long
It’s midnight and I don’t have a clue
It’s midnight and I still want you

I’m climbing up your apple tree
With my giant spy scope i can see
I’m watching you flossing on your teeth
I bet your mouth is really sweet and minty

Whoa, my golfshirt is tattered and torn
I’ve been wearing this thing for so long
It’s midnight and I don’t have a clue
It’s midnight I still want you

You… I still want you [6x]

My golfshirt is tattered and torn
I’ve been wearing this thing for so long
It’s midnight and I don’t have a clue
It’s midnight and I still want you

I still want you [3x]

The former was on the band’s 1996 self-titled album, the latter is from the yet-to-be-released IV, which I am listening to now.

I loved that self-titled album—there was humor and Van Halen references and songs about being a big dork (like “Golfshirt”) which I really related to because I was a dork in high school (shocking, right? I know). I haven’t paid much attention to Nerf Herder since 2000’s How to Meet Girls (which is more funny big rock/power pop stuff), so maybe this wouldn’t be such a shock if I had been following the band the whole time, but Jesus, IV is depressing. The band sings about still hanging out on Haley Street and still not getting the girl. There’s a song about going to their high school reunion, and a song about reliving the past via items at a garage sale. Track after track, they sound old and unhappy. There’s even a song called “I’m Not a Loser” where the band sings “I’m not a loser/It’s just a matter of mind over matter” over and over again like they’re trying to convince themselves.

There’s hardly any human, there’s no big rock… it’s sad to see a band age.

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I loved Nerf Herder, but I think I'm going to pretend that they never made this album.

Posted by motomotoyama | February 26, 2008 4:29 PM

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