Today is the day the City Of Seattle recognizes as Massive Monkee Day. Today Seatown’s globetrotting b-boys and b-girls show out in a celebration of the art form, the town, and of course the mighty, mighty Massive.

Here’s something I said about it in my column last year:

From far-flung locales to those accessible by a quick ride on the #36, Seattle’s world-renowned Massive Monkees give it their all. From their free dance-studio practices at Beacon’s Jefferson Community Center to voter-registration drives and high-school education, Massive also give back. “It sounds cliché and corny but it’s true: The children are the future of this art form,” says Massive’s own djblesOne. “The next generation is the base, the bottom line—if we don’t invest in the children, don’t invest in our scene, we literally won’t have one.” Just as dedicated to grooming a new generation of breakers as they are to repping their town, Massive have been sprinkling true and living Seattle flavor on an international level for many moons now, nephew.

“I’m excited about everybody getting together, everybody from out of town coming up,” enthuses djblesOne, “but what I love is that this event gives outsiders a real, concrete, positive perspective on our culture. Like, you can bring your kids to this! You can come learn from experienced heads, see that hiphop isn’t the evil monster it’s always portrayed as.”

If you wanna know the engine that drives this town’s hiphop, it’s all going down @ Club Heaven (172 South Washington St.).

From the stellar “Good Friday” off of Why?’s latest album, Alopecia:

“Sending sexy SMSs to my ex’s new man ‘cause I can”

Jesus! Just look at that thing! Look at the internal rhyme and consonance involved. Look at the amount of narrative and character crammed into just 11 words. Check out how he says “SMSs” when a lesser MC would’ve just said “text messages.” When you listen to it, it sounds like Yoni Wolf’s voice is climbing a up little hill, then falling down, flat. That is one hell of lyric.

Also, on an unrelated note, I just finished reading Carl Wilson’s 33 1/3 book on Celine Dion’s Let’s Talk About Love, A Journey to the End of Taste, and, to add my voice to what I’m sure is already an exhausted chorus of consensus, it is required reading for anyone who has ever cared (too much) about music.

The Ouch My Eye Gallery opened their Ship It exhibit, which runs through June 8th. Ouch My Eye posted an open call for people to ship things to them in the mail, and that would be the show. Whatever was shipped, however it was shipped, is what is on display.

Someone shipped an inner tube. You can put a stamp and an address on a inner tube and stick it in the mail. Or a rubber ducky. Or a water-wing. Or McDonalds french fries. The scene at the post office being a possible: ‘Letter, letter, bill, bill, letter, RUBBER DUCKY.’

Seattle band Motrecraft played their first show ever. An all girl, all woman band who played very impressively. It’s a Bat for Lashes / Velvet Underground sound. Mr. Dan Paulus was there.

Ouch My Eye is 1022 1st Ave S. next to Safeco Field. Photos by Christopher Nelson.

The line for the second show of last night’s Tim and Eric Awesome Tour stretched all the way down the block, almost making it to the corner of Broadway and Pike. DJ Douggpound started off the set by telling a joke, then doing a remix of that joke through his DJ booth. He had an especially good one about liking girls who listen to NPR in which he sampled Terry Gross. He also shouted at the crowd, “What are you yelling about? Go back to Enumclaw!”

The live format for Awesome Show was true to their TV program - new videos, sketches, and performances by the gang of weirdos they’ve made into stars. Some highlights: a live performance of “Petite Feet,” a video about caring for your “child clown,” an unbelievably shameless Papa John’s plug where they tried to sell the audience email at papajohns.com for $29.95, getting hit with a hot dog thrown by Eric - then seeing the guy next to me pick it up and slap his friend in the face with it and get punched in the stomach, a new Absolut ad Starring Zach Galifianakis, and Casey Tatum barfing on a kid in the first row after choking and squeaking through several songs. Pierre did “Doo Dah Doo Doo,” James Quall sang and told amazingly bad jokes, and the “This is what I do, I sit on You” guy performed his song for a lucky audience member. The most brilliantly awkward part of the night though were the songs by ventriloquist David Liebe Hart and his creepy, creepy dolls. The room was dead silent, there are no jokes in his songs so no one was laughing, but his comedy (I’m not sure if it’s actually funny to him) is the kind of hilarious that you don’t laugh out loud at. If you haven’t seen what David Liebe Hart does, here’s an idea:

Tim and Eric mentioned at the end of the set that this was the first night they had the other performers along with them, which was kind of hard to believe. Without those guys the show wouldn’t have been nearly as funny. At the merch booth they were selling Jan and Wayne Skylar calendars for the year 1990. The fact that these idiot man-children can sell out venues across the country is truly inspiring.

The second semi-final of Eurovision starts with the amazing, glittery Iceland (Euroband) with the gayest anthem of the contest: This is My life! With a title like that, what else could this song be like? Pall Oskar was involved in the making of this, which is also more than enough to have me jump up and down in excitement. Who’s Pall Oskar? Pall Oskar is the first out gay performer at Eurovision back in 1997, when he took part for Iceland with four latex-clad ladies, a white leather sofa and lots of eyeliner. Because the voting was still done by juries then (as opposed to televoting) and there was a live orchestra instead of a bass-filled backing track, Minn Hinsti Dans got very few votes, but his performance is a classic. Check it out here (and discover how sexy Icelandic is). Iceland may well be one of the gayest Eurovision countries out there, at least judging by the national preselection they had. Also competing was “The Wiggle Wiggle song” by Haffi Haff, whose performance might have even been a tad more fabulous than that of Eurobandid. Iceland is one of my favourite countries in this contest. I just hope they make the choreography a little more dynamic, though they deserve credit for the mini-clothes change in the beginning.

And here’s another Euro-stomper: Sweden’s Charlotte Perelli with Hero. Charlotte Nilsson (as she was then called) won Eurovision in 1999 with the very Abba-sounding “Take me to your heaven”. Kinda like Carola (another Swede who took part three times so far: Watch Carola getting more (1983 – 3rd) and more (1991 – winner) botoxed and Born-Again-Christianed (2006 -5th)), she can’t get enough of Eurovision and decided to take her chances again. Even without the introduction you should be able to tell straightaway that this is a Swedish Eurovision entry. It ticks all the boxes: blonde pretty ladies (though Charlotte looks a bit scary), an Abba dance routine, the typical Swedish Eurobeat and look, they’ve even recycled Carola’s windmachine yet again! Another hit in gay clubs and a definite candidate for the final, without a doubt.

Turkey sends Mor ve Ötesi with Deli, thus ending our gay invasion of Eurovision for now. Though the lead singer is definitely nice enough to look at, so the fun is not totally ruined. We’re back into the regions of rock, without a feather boa or backing dancer in sight and –even worse- real instruments on stage. I’m meant to write a review of this song and they give me no material, whatsoever. Right, back into the history books then. Turkey’s last rock entry was Athena with For Real who came fourth in 2004. The year before that, Turkey won for the first time in their Eurovision career when Sertab (the Turkish Madonna) and her harem of German backing singers/dancers narrowly beat Belgium (the nerve!) with “Everyway that I can”. Certain parts of that performance still make me grin like an idiot. Not that I need much, but still. So yes, this year’s entry. Well, seeing as it’s Turkey, they’ll definitely make it to the final, so in case you’ve not lusted after the lead singer enough in the semi, you’ll get a chance to do so again in the final. Every cloud has a silver lining, no?

Next up: Ukraine, Albania and Lithuania

Wooooo! My favorite lady-exclusive solstice party group is going to self-release later this year. No deets yet except for THEY WILL TOUR FOR IT.

Very exciting.

To tide you over, here’s a vid of “Dear Mr. & Mrs. Troublemaker.”

Ce soir, Ce soir! Les Punks de garage se CRASH NORMAL chez le Funhouse!

Chez le Funhouse!! Ne manquez pas ceci!

I reviewed No Age’s new album, Nouns, in my column this week:

Forget Weirdo Rippers, this is No Age’s proper debut: an unexpected blast of an album that totally fulfills every scrap of hype these guys have accumulated over the last year and then some. Its songs are oddball anthems, oblique sing-alongs busied by swarms of sweet noise and punctuated by moments of reflective quiet.

In a response to a Line Out post below, Me Too says:

Yo Grandy: No Age is streaming the whole new album on its MySpace

Everybody, thank Mr Me Too:

http://www.myspace.com/nonoage

Bebe Barron (1925-2008) With her husband Louis, Bebe worked with John Cage on the Project for Magnetic Tape and composed the landmark soundtrack to the film Forbidden Planet, which exposed millions to electronic music. Pioneers of circuit-bending and of the kitchen sink-approach to electronic music, the Barrons (pictured below) were willing to try anything to make new and unusual sounds, including building self-destructing circuits. “Prepare your minds for a new scale of scientific values…” and see some of Forbidden Planet.

Henry Brant (1913-2008) A 20th century pioneer of heterogeneous ensembles and acoustic spatialization, Brant took the concept of antiphonal performance (think brass choirs in opposite balconies during the time of Giovanni Gabrieli) to new heights: His oratorio, Wind, Water, Clouds & Fire, calls for three women’s choruses, a children’s chorus, woodwinds, six trumpets, percussion, harp, piano, ten violins, and organ. Several years ago, the Seattle Flute Society performed Brant’s “Ghosts and Gargoyles” for flute ensemble; flutists ringed Town Hall’s main hall. The music, a kind of glacial, surround-sound Gregorian chant, was captivating.

Tristram Cary (1925-2008) A pioneer and fine composer of electronic music, Cary co-designed one the great synths of the analog age, the EMS VCS 3. Unfortunately the documentary, “What The Future Sounded Like,” which features Cary prominently, has been removed from youtube. Here’s a more in-depth obituary.

Jimmy Giuffre (1921-2008) Apart from his essential role in West Coast jazz, the reedman helped pioneer freely improvised music with his ill-fated 1962 album Free Fall. The trio that recorded Free Fall - Giuffre, bassist Steve Swallow, and pianist Paul Bley - disbanded soon after a gig that earned each member 35 cents apiece for a set. Alas, wages for experimental music makers have hardly risen since.

Too many amazing musicians have died recently. To cheer myself up, I watched an episode of The Subject is Jazz with pianist Billy Taylor and composer George Russell. Scan ahead to the six minute mark for “Concerto for Billy the Kid,” which features pianist Bill Evans and remains one of Russell’s best pieces. It’s also a treat to see the underrated trombonist Jimmy Cleveland.

“Billy” showcases Russell’s gift for making tightly scripted pieces that nonetheless welcome unusual timbres: Note that the drummer continually hits the nipple of the cymbal (near the nut) for a high, ringing tone; Cleveland’s tiny polyphonic emendations around 6’40”; and, at the first piano break, Bill Evans doubles his part two octaves up for a bell-like sound.

I also like how Evans’ one-hand solo at 8’30” - unusual for the absence of left hand comping - thins out the overall texture. By contrast, trumpeter Art Farmer’s marvelous bit at 10’03” cuts through a denser field: a ride cymbal and passages injected by the trombone and saxophone.

Alas, the bass and guitar (guitarist Barry Galbraith falls behind in the first section) remain mostly inaudible in this clip; to really hear the work’s polyrhythmic frisson, find the out of print Jazz Workshop recording released in 1990 on RCA or the cheaper import disc “Complete Bluebird Recordings.”

And yes, the host of The Subject of Jazz, Gilbert Seldes, is a tad stuffy, but when the program aired in 1958, jazz and other improvised musics had yet to win recognition as a field worthy of respect and serious study. Seldes was fighting the good fight.

Just got back from the Seventh Annual Ponderosa Stomp in New Orleans a few hours ago. I saw some amazing performances across two nights; the spirituals James “Sugarboy” Crawford sang Wednesday evening left me feeling like I was part of a congregation, not a jam-packed House of Blues audience. And Ronnie Spector just sounds better as the years go by. Hopefully she trademarked her signature “whoa-ho-ho-ho” and is making a mint off of ringtone downloads nowadays.

In addition to the showcases, the Stomp hosted their first daytime conference of panels and oral histories this year. The photo above is from Wednesday’s “Here Come The Girls: Women In Rock, Country and Soul in the 60’s” chat, moderated by Holly George-Warren. Mary Weiss of the Shangri-Las (on the left) shared some great stories about her rough-and-tumble adventures (including buying a derringer for protection on the road), and Lorrie Collins of rockabilly siblings the Collins Kids (center) had the audience in stitches reminiscing about being courted by TV heartthrob Ricky Nelson.

But hands down, my favorite person at the conference was the slender lady on the far right of this photo, soul jazz cult figure Tami Lynn. She’d cranked out a smokin’ version of her 1972 hit “Mojo Hanna” the night before, accompanied by an all-star band including Mac Rebennack (alias Dr. John) on the piano. Asked by George-Warren about her early experiences — and dealing with powerful men in the entertainment biz — she remembered an episode at a radio convention when she was just sixteen, and Atlantic Records’ Jerry Wexler cornered her after a showcase, offering her a contract. Her response?

“I’m sorry, sir, I don’t want to be a singer,” she demurred. (Earlier, Lynn had explained that she was a reluctant performer from the beginning.) “I want to be a speech therapist with retarded children.”

Wexler replied: “Well, I know all about retardation… because you have it.”

How’s that for an asking-for-it post title? Fuck it, let’s just fag out here for a second. The moment I fell in love with Bright Eyes (and, yeah, some of the infatuation has since worn off) was in 2000, in Olympia, in an apartment I shared with two hardcore/metal kids that occasionally indulged in a soft spot of Slint, Will Oldham, or young Mr. Conor Oberst. Fevers and Mirrors had just come out, and I remember being pretty impressed with the whole album upon hearing it, but what really got me was “An Attempt to Tip the Scales.” Not so much the song itself, although it’s great, but the “interview” that follows, in which the Faint’s Todd Baechle impersonates Oberst for a fake radio interview. It’s hilarious.

Baechle lovingly skewers his subject’s supposed gloomy, fey, wiltingly emo disposition, and the radio DJ interviewer is basically the blueprint for how to conduct an asinine interview—asking point blank about the ablum’s symbolism, interrupting his guest, etc. The whole thing is totally absurd—questions and answers make no sense, Baechle asks for the background noise to be turned off just the minute you’ve forgotten it’s there. It was reassuring proof that dude could laugh at himself, and that acknowledgment—that art is after all an act—made it a lot easier to wade in the album’s melancholy. It was also perhaps the first such self-conscious, po-mo gesture I’d ever heard included on a record (or maybe that was Superchunk’s inclusion of a very real hilarious radio show on their Laughter Guns EP).

Oh, all of this, btw, is apropos of nothing more than this song coming up on my random shuffle lunchtime walk today. So there.

What made Portishead a prominent band in the triphop period (between Massive Attack’s Blue Lines and Alpha’s Come From Heaven) was its successful blending of the new, (modern hiphop) with the mature (jazz cinema; the post-rock of 4AD). Each of these parts was brought into the mixture by one of the band’s three members. With Beth Gibbons came Bauhaus, Cocteau Twins, Throwing Muses; With Adrian Utley, the jazz of Elevator to the Gallows, The Samurai, Taxi Driver; With Geoff Barrow, the beats of Prince Paul, DJ Premier, RZA. When the trio began working on it’s second record, Portishead, Barrow’s was in his early 20s, Gibbons in her early 30s, and Utley was heading to his 40s. Portishead was the meeting point of three generations (waves) of music—its base in the present, hiphop, and its melodies and moods drawn from the near and distant past. Dummy and Portishead are defined by this order (hiphop, cinematic jazz, late-rock); the new record, Third, is not. What’s gone is the hiphop, the base of the earlier recordings. Gibbons brought to the new album her sorrows, suicidal loneliness, gothic longings, Utley brought his cinematic and after-hours textures, but Barrow brought almost nothing. He seems to have junked his turntables and MPC2000 and not bothered to replace them with something else, something different, something that’s happening right now on the streets of London and New York. And a lot is happening these days—dubstep, grime, new variations on hiphop (Jay Dee, Timbaland, Just Blaze). The beats on Third are not its foundation. You almost don’t notice them. What commands your attention is Gibbon’s pain and Utley’s soundtrack to that pain.

Is anyone else lightly obsessed with Ego Trip’s Miss Rap Supreme, the MC Serch-hosted reality show on VH1?

And if so, does anyone else have the since-dismissed Khia’s stupid battle rap—hinging on the repeated phrase “You better RESPECT! ME!”—stuck in their head 22 hours a day?

In other news, have you listened to Third Bass’s The Cactus Album lately? It’s delightful!

“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover”. Well that’s a great statement when describing the Glitter Band’s 1976 disco hit “Makes You Blind”. After this previously soft rock glam band cut ties with their old sound and founder Gary Glitter, the group “went disco” like many others at the time, with this mostly instrumental funky disco classic. This track became an instant hit with in the underground disco community and promoted the group to release other dance oriented cuts like a cover of The Bee Gees “Gotta Get A Message To You” in 1977. This band, that might of made their early name on soft rock glam jams, might be remember by many for this amazing disco gem.

Download The Glitter Band’s 1976 disco classic “Make You Blind” by going here

Tim and Eric are playing two shows at Neumos tonight, the 8pm is already sold out. I watch their show, and I think it’s hilarious. I know a few people who think it’s the stupidest show on TV. We’re both right. There’s a different kind of anticipation for this show than most, and I’m pretty sure it’s due to the fact that I have no idea what they’re going to do live. There’s a good chance it’s not going to be very funny. It might just be weird and awkward. Of course I’m not hoping for that, but I can just imagine them running around the stage smashing things and screaming “Uh-ma-ma!” over and over again for ten minutes while the crowd stares silently, or them performing an hour long karaoke set by “Casey and His Brother.”

There’s also the question of which show to go to - the one where they’re fresh and full of energy or the one where they’re already warmed up and in their stride? I learned the hard way at Bumbershoot last year that seeing a comedian you really like do the same act twice in one day makes the jokes substantially less funny. I’m going to the second show. Whether it’s hilarious or stupid I’m pretty sure I’ll be glad I saw it either way.

Tonight at the Showbox, rumor has it that Colin Meloy will be adapting his musical compositions to transcripts of the second season of the reality show, I Love New York. The juxtaposition has intrigue and improbability, but Meloy makes it work. When he sings, “Do you have love for New York?” there is rapture. Meloy has moved on from ancient Japanese folk tales.

When boiled down, Meloy’s dactylic hexameter filled interpretation shows New York to be Homer’s Odysseus in an epic search for men and harmony. The overbearing presence of New York’s mother goes beyond the Telemachus – Penelope dynamic and enters into a Zeus - Mother oedipal God washed combo.

Meloy climaxes with a startling revelation that he is the one who really has love for New York. While the last two contestants accompany New York to the picturesque 5 Star resort in Ithaca for the final showdown, Meloy laments that he himself is not in the running to be New York’s man.

Tonight, the Stranger Suggests:

Pleasureboaters, Vampire Hands at Vera Project
Pleasureboaters, the fantastically spastic local trio, thrash around the stage like cartoons, bending their bodies and twisting their faces into positions and expressions that echo their corkscrewing, discordant sounds. Opening band Vampire Hands are on the opposite side of the spectrum. They captivate their audiences with a mellow—sometimes sexy, sometimes haunting—guitar-heavy vibe, layered with breathy vocals and the occasional psychedelic jam. (Vera Project, Seattle Center, 956-8372. 7:30 pm, $7/$8, all ages.) MEGAN SELING

Listen to the Pleasureboaters:
“Elliptical Realism”

Listen to PWRFL Power:
“Heaven, a Dog Called Dad, and Rainbow”

Listen to Vampire Hands:
“Opium Typhoon”

Wanda Jackson, Marshall Scott Warner, the Kid in Black with the Roy Kay Trio
(Tractor) Wanda Jackson is known as the first lady of rock ‘n’ roll and the queen of rockabilly—a couple of pretty impressive titles. She started out playing country and gospel in the ’50s, singing with Hank Thompson’s band. She then befriended and dated Elvis, who encouraged her to drop the country and embrace the rock, which she did, wonderfully (no thanks to the male-dominated rock scene that pushed her aside). She makes her sweet voice growl and crack and pop on swinging songs like “Fujiyama Mama” and “Hot Dog! That Made Him Mad.” Today, at age 70, she hasn’t lost a bit of her edge; she’s still as feisty and bawdy as ever, and she still knows how to rock and put on a hell of a good show. KIM HAYDEN

In addition to the Tractor show, Wanda Jackson will also be playing a last-minute in-store at Easy Street Queen Anne at 6 pm.

Lesbian, Brothers of the Sonic Cloth, Witch Mountain, Grey
(Comet) If you’re holding out for a TAD reunion (maybe to be announced as part of Sub Pop’s 20th anniversary party?), stop. When I interviewed frontman Tad Doyle back in February, he shot down any chance of his old, drunk, loud-as-fuck band re-forming. “My heart’s just not into that anymore,” he said. “I’ve put that period of my life behind me.” These days he’s focusing on his new band, Brothers of the Sonic Cloth. They have only a few songs posted on MySpace, but by all accounts, Brothers are as heavy and commanding as you’d expect, with Doyle finding new inspiration in dark metal and experimental noise. Approach it just as you would a TAD show—with extra earplugs and ready to headbang. MEGAN SELING

Click here to listen to Brothers of the Sonic Cloth.

And finally, the Decemberists’ Colin Meloy is in town, playing a solo show at the Showbox. Jeff Kirby reviewed his new album in this week’s paper:

Meloy scores two great moments by effortlessly transitioning his own songs into covers: “Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect” into Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams,” and “California One” into “Youth and Beauty Brigade” into the Smiths’ “Ask.” Meloy explains to the crowd, in one of the album’s many moments of banter, that his solo sets are meant to be like a campfire sing-along, but his Dickensian vernacular and love of historic maritime don’t exactly make for timeless folk tunes. Meloy succeeds in creating a comfortable, intimate performance, but the result is lackluster, like a Decemberists record with most of the good parts missing.

Read the whole thing here.

Listen to Colin Meloy:
“The Bachelor and the Bride”

That’s just what was covered in this week’s paper. There’s more to be found in our online calendar.

Attention collector nerds - The Cure to release new single every month until album drops

Five part harmonies - Fleet Foxes welcome J. Tillman to the fold

Good news for ASCAP artists - Bad news for online music services

Still a few monikers short of ODB - RZA resurrects Bobby Digital

From this:

This:

U.S.E. has been recording. A new album is close. Drummer Jon E. Rock spoke:

Mr. Rock, when will there be new U.S.E. for the people?
Rock: We are recording at Avast and we have another session to finish up in a couple weeks. Then we will go to our guitar player’s basement studio and finish vocals and vocoder/keys. It’s looking like a late summer release.

How will you all put it out?
We still don’t know how we are putting it out, actually. Maybe an iTunes with vinyl release. So much is up in the air with record companies vs. internet distro these days. It’s hard to know what avenue to take, you know?

Moistworks is currently hosting a discussion of whether the term Indie means anything in music anymore. Some people are claiming that indie is the same thing as alt was in the nineties.

Now, I know that this isn’t the most exciting topic in the world, since none of the words actually mean anything when applied to music, but there’s actually some intelligent discussion, with authors like Jonathan Lethem chiming in. It’s an interesting post about something that I previously thought was the deadest topic in the world.

Via Star-Telegram.com:

FORT WORTH — An aspiring record label owner is singing the blues after he was arrested last week for allegedly trying to pass a $360 billion check at a Fort Worth bank.

Employees at the Chase Bank at 8601 S. Hulen St. grew suspicious after seeing all those zeroes (10 to be exact) and called the check’s owner. The woman said the suspect, Charles Ray Fuller, 21, of Crowley, is her daughter’s boyfriend and that he did not have permission to take the check or cash it.

Fuller was arrested on suspicion of fraud, along with unlawfully carrying a weapon and possession of marijuana after officers found less than 2 ounces of the drug and a .25-caliber handgun and magazine in his pockets.

While inside a patrol car, police say Fuller blurted out that he is starting his own record label and had been given the money by his girlfriend’s mother to help him start it.

In Glengarry Glen Ross, Alec Baldwin’s character takes off his watch, plops it on a table, and says, “This watch cost more than your car.”

Yeah, Alec? Well this microphone costs as much as your watch.

Meet the Telefunken Ela M 251VAC. Put your watch back on tough guy.

London Bridge Studio’s Jonathan Plum spoke about it:

Why is the Telefunken so funken expensive?
Plum: A top-condition original Telefunken Ela-M 251 can actually sell for up to $20,000. They stopped making them in the late 60’s. Similar to vintage tube guitar amps, they just don’t make them like they use to. The vacuum tubes this mic uses were from WW2 and simply don’t exist anymore. The Elektroakustic Microphone is one of those “golden voice” microphones. Less than 3,000 were manufactured.

In non-geek language, describe why it’s so good.
It’s clear, present, and warm without sounding too bright. And they were made by hand. I recorded a test for you. Listen to a guitar recorded with an Ela-M - here. Compare that to a U-47 – here.

Now in geek language, describe why it’s so good.
They’re based on a diaphragm tube condenser. It comes with a NOS Telefunken AC701 tube, an original Austrian made AKG CK12 dual membrane capsule, custom wound Haufe transformer sourced from the original European supplier, vintage style Ela M 950 power supply, 10 meter Gotham Audio cable, locking leather bound flight case, wooden microphone box, owners manual, and a fully transferable lifetime warranty.

Lifetime warranty?
In early 2006, Telefunken USA acquired over 50 original Austrian made CK12 capsules from a private collector in Europe. These capsules have been reserved exclusively for the Vintage Series Limited Edition mics including the Ela M251V, Ela M251VAC and Ela M12V.

You can’t get any geekier than that? This is a $10,000 mic. Come on, let your tech flow. Let it out.
Ok. Lets see, AKG, which stands for Akustische und Kino-Gerate (Acoustic and Film Equipment) was formed in 1947 in Vienna, Austria. AKG developed the C-12 condenser microphone in 1953 based on a dual backplate/dual-membrane idea patented by Kalusche and Spardock in 1951. The modified version of this idea became the basis for the CK-12 capsule. AKG was the first to manufacture a split electrode microphone. The original capsule membrane was 10-micron-thick PVC, which was later changed to 9-micron-thin Mylar. The amplifier design was based on the 6072 tube, and the C-24 stereo edition of the mic with two CK-12 capsules utilized this dual triode to its full extent. The C-12, like the M49, had a remotely controlled pattern selection from omni to bi-directional via the selector switch located in a box between the microphone and the power supply. The C-12 remained in production until 1963. In 1964, the C-12A appeared with a 7586 Nuvistor tube amplifier and a physical shape foreshadowing the design of the 414 Series. In 1959, after the U47 had been withdrawn from Telefunken distribution, Telefunken commissioned AKG to develop a large-diaphragm condenser microphone. This became the ELAM 250. This design incorporated the CK-12 capsule in a wider body with a thicker wire mesh grille. A two-pattern selector switch (cardioid to omnidirectional) was placed on the microphone. The ELAM 251 added a third bi-directional pattern to the switching arrangement.

Thank you. I needed that.

For those who are fans of Atmosphere (I’m excluded from that group—Slug’s type of senstive hiphop does not move or enlarge me in any significant way), the duo’s new album When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold has reached number five on this week’s Billboard Top 200. The Rhymesayers label, and the underground in general, is alive and well.

Tragic lives of musicians pt. 1 - Edwyn Collins struggles back to stage after devastating stroke

Tragic lives of musicians pt. 2 - Spank Rock hospitalized

Tragic lives of musicians pt. 3 - Limp Bizkit drummer offers lessons

Tragic lives of musicians pt. 4 - Pete Wentz baffled by assault lawsuit

…the story behind this? (I feel like I’m playing right into their hands, but still…)

Is this merely an advertising campaign for Thee Emergency’s upcoming CD release show(s), or is there more to it? They seem to have filled every available surface—and covered just about every other poster—in the vicinity of the Stranger office.

Uploaded by Neumos!, taken by Blush Photo.

Also added: Mike Doughty, Kid Sister, and Man Man.

Here’s the updated (partial) line-up:

Beck / Stone Temple Pilots / Ludacris / Lucinda Williams / Neko Case / Ingrid Michaelson / Jakob Dylan / Del Tha Funky Homosapien / !!! / Mike Doughty / Xavier Rudd / Anti-Flag / Lee “Scratch” Perry / Saul Williams / Brother Ali / Joe Bonamassa / M. Ward / Man Man / The Walkmen / Kid Sister / Asylum St. Spankers / Dan Deacon / MIDIval PunditZ / Blitzen Trapper / Bedouin Soundclash / Scary Kids Scaring Kids / Tim Finn / Dale Watson / John Vanderslice / Final Fantasy / The Fall of Troy / Orgone / Forro in the Dark / Ryan Bingham & The Dead Horses / Wreckless Eric & Amy Rigby / Arthur & Yu / Darondo and Nino Moschella / Pacifika / Ian Moore and many more to be announced.

The Hold Steady’s ‘Stay Positive’ Set For Release July 15

“Stay Positive” track listing:

1. Constructive Summer
2. Sequestered in Memphis
3. One for the Cutters
4. Navy Sheets
5. Lord, I’m Discouraged
6. Yeah Sapphire
7. Both Crosses
8. Stay Positive
9. Magazines
10. Joke About Jamaica
11. Slapped Actress

Here’s the band playing the title track earlier this year:

I’m so looking for to this.

The Hold Steady play the Capitol Hill Block Party Saturday, July 26. More info at www.thestranger.com/blockparty.

Finland sends the rock group Teräsbetoni with Missä Miehet Ratsastaa.
Ever since Finland’s first ever win two years ago with a bunch of latex-masked monsters singing hardrock-pop (Lordi ESC 2006), they’ve been sending rock songs. Why cange a winning team, eh. Well, the fact that last year’s entry was one big flop might give them some food for thought, but apparently not. Now I don’t dislike rock. I think this song is decent enough, and I loved Norway’s Kiss –wannabes a few years back (Wig Wam ESC 2005) but come on, sweeties, where’s the glamour, where’s the humour. Mr Lordi wore a cute hat with the Finnish flag on his monsterhead, he had wings and fireworks! Wig Wam had spandex and a feather boa! These guys… well… some of them are shirtless, which is something, at least. But apart from that it appears to be a very “serious” rock song.
Oh go on, watch the clip. If only for the Finnish introduction.

Romania brings us Nico & Vlad (how’s that for a Romanian name!) with Pe-o Margine De Lume. I generally have a soft spot for Romanian entries since they often consist of the crazy Eurodisco you only hear in… well, Romania probably. Say for instance Nicola in 2003 whose accent was so heavy that I honestly thought she sang “did you ever know what’s the prince ass for”. Ok, so it didn’t make sense, but Eurovision has had weirder lyrics than that (According to teh internetss she actually sang “what good friends are for”. And just check out that choreography). Last year Romania sent a group called Todomondo who sang in six languages (Eurovision recipe for success) and whose members looked like stereotypes of the countries they represented (English guy in a bowler hat, Italian guy looking like a mafia leader…). Eurovision is always classy and subtle, isn’t it. This year they’re sending a ballad, a very classical duet between a broody looking man (think Angel with a tan), a lady in a ballgown, a white piano and the sluttiest backing singers yet. What the hell are those girls up to back there? The video is funny for the total lack of chemistry between the two lead singers. Vlad looks like he hasn’t got a clue what to do with all these women and would have preferred being on stage alone. I can’t say I blame him.

For Russia it’s the reappearance of Dima Bilan, Russian heart-throb and runner-up in 2006. Oh, 2006… what a glorious performance that was. Dima sang “Never ever let you go” with a heavy Russian accent, in jeans, trainers and white tank top. (Can you use the word “tank top” for men? I’m Belgian, I don’t know these things… whatever you want to call it, it was hot. Shame about the mullet, but you can’t have everything, can you). At one point a dead ballerina crawled out of the piano –a piano that no-one was playing- and started throwing rose petals about. Weird, but for some reason it worked. Check out the youtube clip. Unfortunately, this year Dima is singing Believe, a rather boring ballad –in my opinion at least- but his performance makes up for a lot. Sadly he’s wearing a suit this time (honey, show off those arms), he’s grown hair on his face (tsk) but at least the mullet is gone. His accent still is the cutest, especially when he sings words like “impossible”. He’s a superstar in the ex-USSR so he should definitely make it to the final.

And the last country in the first semi-final is Greece. Oh lookie here, they’ve sent Helena Paparizou again! And they’ve even given her dancers a chance to take part again as well! Or not? The differences are minimal. Greece has a recent reputation for catering to the gay audience and this year is no exception. Helena Paparizou was a good example, and so was Sakis Rouvas in 2004 with the intelligently titled song “Shake it”. Check out the clip if only for the incredible design of that shirt he’s wearing: just tight and short enough to show off both pecs and abs, and a fabulous example of a classic Eurovision clothes change. (And while we’re at it, have a look at the Dutch votes in 2006 when Sakis was presenting the contest and Paul De Leeuw decided to flirt with him).
This year Kalomira sings Secret Combination, a typical pop song with some Greek elements (think a slow Sirtaki). She’s wearing an impossibly short skirt (granted, she’s got the legs for it) and her dancers have stolen Dima Bilan’s 2006 outfit. The lyrics of this song are about as dirty/innocent as the ones of “Genie in a bottle” (“My secret comination is a mystery for you, use your imagination, I’m not easy but I’m true”) but all is forgiven because the dancers take off their shirts at the end of the song and spell out the word “LOVE” on their chests.

And that’s it for our first Semi-Final, airing on May 20th. Don’t worry though (or no time to rejoice yet, depending on your point of view), we’ve still got a second Semi-final and five finalists to go.
Next up: the übergaying of Eurovision in the beginning of the second Semi-Final.

In 1980 PBS aired the TV series, Cosmos, narrated by Carl Sagan. Easy to make fun of now, with his famous line, “Billions and billions of years ago…” Sagan at the time was the leader of the pop scientific community. Unabashed in his straightforwardness about subjects like biological evolution (a topic still hot today as ever), and the faux science of astrology, Sagan was the totem for all that was good in science. A man who could talk calmly and beautifully about the logic and confusion of the scientific world here on earth and out in the stratosphere.

I was 9 years old at the time, and my father was the science and math teacher at a small indian reservation high school in northeastern Washington. He loved Carl Sagan. He read his books, followed his writing in magazines, and was thrilled to see Spokane was going to air the series along with most of the rest of the PBS affiliates in the United States. Why my father, a devout Episcopal secularist, loved Sagan so much, yet also sent me and my brother to a small christian private school is beyond me. I assume he wanted us to have a good education, and maybe at the time, the Spokane school district wasn’t good. Who knows? But as rigorous as our private christian education was, so was our scientific education via Carl Sagan.

My brother was a math geek, so he probably remembers these things better than I, but what I do remember was the amazing, at least to me, at the time, special effects achieved in the series. While spaceships flew out into orbit, Carl Sagan walked around them as if he was on a life size set. Showing us quasars and imploding galaxies. Pontificating about what ancient scientists might have thought of the heavens, while reaching out in wonder and talking about the life he was certain was out there looking back at us.

The other important memory of the series i have is of the amazing and evocative soundtrack. As I’ve talked about before, I’ve always had a love of classical music, and love to see in what ways it can be referenced in modern electronic music. The music in Cosmos did this beautifully. Classic baroque by Bach and Pachelbel, intermingle with modern works by the vanguard of electronic music, Vangelis, Tomita, and Takemitsu. Vangelis and Tomita hadn’t yet achieved the status that they would in the following years when Vangelis’ soundtrack work (Chariots of Fire) and Tomita’s classical recordings (The Planets) made them household names. But this was the television event that really put them all on the map. I remember my parents going out and buying Vangelis’ two albums, Heaven and Hell, and Albedo 0.39 after songs from them were aired on the series. And being a “classically trained” household, my brother and I were force fed infinite listenings of Tomita’s various albums which my mother would special order from the small local record store.

Needless to say, when I found this record in a dusty bin of “New Age” music a few weeks ago, a rush of memory flared out to me, like lens glare on film. Bach’s “Partita” and Vangelis’ “Alpha” started playing loudly inside my head, blocking out the Judas Priest that was blaring in the used record store. Mixing and intermingly their tones as I gazed at the martian landscapes inside the gatefold cover.

It would have been easy for the producers of the series and album to put together a little compilation with snippets from each artists, one after the other, but that’s not what they did. Sagan and his producers and sound engineers put together a thoughtful soundtrack which literally mixes classical pieces with the modern spacey electronic music, and programs them into “Parts” titled “Space/Time Continuum”, “Life”, “The Harmony Of Nature”, “Exploration”, “Cataclysm”, and “Affirmation”. Each part has one to four songs ranging from Hovhaness and Japanese flute music to Stravinsky mixing in with Kitaro, Tomita and guitarist Roy Buchanan.

It’s really cool.

I don’t know. Lineout readers might be too young for this kind of aural deja vu, or memory evocation, but just hearing this creative mix of great music brought me waves of nostalgia for a time when, I think, I was happy, well adjusted and my father and I could find something in common to gaze at in wonder.

The Music Of Cosmos.

Part 1: Space/Time Continuum A: Vangelis - Heaven And Hell, Pt.1 B: Shostakovich - Symphony No. 11 C. Vangelis - Alpha

Part 5: Cataclysm - A: Roy Buchanan - Fly Nighy Bird B: Vangelis - Beaubourg, Part 2 C: Stravinsky - The Rite Of Spring

No Ghostface cameo = No cred.

Someone please, please, PLEASE, take The Stranger’s music internship off of my hands. It has been month after grueling month of “do this” and “do that”, and I simply can’t take it anymore. While I can’t promise they’ll give you school credit or sign any papers to prove you were an intern, I can promise that Eric Grandy will drive you into the ground with pointless crap to do. Megan Seling, despite what you may think, is a raging beast in person, and the office gets really stuffy at times. Candidates with allergies should rethink their ambitions. I hear Quiznos is hiring.

If this sounds fun, which it isn’t, you should totally send your applications to megan@thestranger.com

I pine for a night of sleep without clublist related nightmares haunting my slumber so…

SEND! SEND! SEND! APPLY! APPLY! THIS IS THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME!

I know, I know I’m always the one with the Muppet videos, but still:

Triclops!

Cicadas

Akimbo

This was Cicadas’ last show in their hometown of Bellingham. They will play one final Seattle show at the Blue Moon on May 15th. They are (were) one of the most amazing technical rock bands in the Northwest. They will be sorely missed by those who were aware of their existence.

Akimbo and Triclops! play tonight at the Jules Maes with the Oswald Effect. Triclops! is an awesome spectacle live. Singer Johnny (of Fleshies fame) is an unrelenting spaz of a frontman, armed with an effects board and bass duct taped to a chair and a penchant for running through and on top of the audience. They play a unique mixture of Dead Kennedys style punk mixed with modern, heavy prog. They kick a significant amount of ass.

Substance-fueled meltdowns are a storied facet of live music. Performing artists sometimes mix substances to motivate themselves, calm their nerves, or get into a headspace where they can connect to a crowd. Night after night of shows and substances and unstable mental conditions can lead to a meltdown. It’s usually a sad and ugly scene that people can’t take their eyes from.

Cat Power’s scotch and Xanex fueled collapses were well known. Elliot Smith had a meltdown or two. Axl Rose was prone to liquor, speed, and kicking fans in the face. Charles Mingus’ famous Town Hall tirade was not pretty. And pretty much every Brian Jonestown Massacre show ended in breakdown.

Pete Wentz needs to meltdown. How would you like to see it? Here are a few Wentz meltdowns to choose from:

1. He mixes acid and Ex-lax and thinks he’s Bear Grylls from Man vs. Wild. An episode of the show had Grylls in Africa where he drank water from fresh elephant dung. Halfway through Wentz’s set he hallucinates that he’s Dumbo and becomes thirsty. He takes his pants off, shits on stage, and tries to squeeze water out of it.

2. He mixes coke and Viagra. He walks by a mirror backstage and tries to have sex with himself. He shatters the mirror and slices his dick off.

3. He injects heroin into his eye and tries to fly off the stage scaffolding, breaking every bone in his body.

4. He mixes ecstasy, morphine, mushrooms, crack, and yellow jackets. Forty-five minutes later, he thinks he’s a tangerine. He tries to peel his skin off with a knife and swallows his tongue.

5. He takes nine Vicodin, smokes PCP, and drinks three Sparks. He takes a gerbil, feeds it liquid acid, Ex-lax, and PCP, and sticks it up his ass. Halfway through the first song, the gerbil thinks it’s Pete Wentz and launches out of his stomach like Alien and tries to sing the song.

Which Pete Wentz substance-fueled meltdown do you choose?

So I got an e-mail from a friend yesterday, sent to me and other friends, suggesting that we haven’t seen each other in a long time and so we should all go see Shine a Light, the Scorsese-directed Rolling Stones documentary this weekend.

I immediately said no. Actually I think I said:

Fuck, no! Iron Man! Iron Man!

It occurs to me that, in that split second before hitting the ‘reply’ button and writing my response, I did all kinds of calculus in my head: I pitted my love of Martin Scorsese’s films against my hatred of what the Rolling Stones have become. My Stones hatred overwhelmed my love of Scorsese. And I also pushed my hatred of what the Rolling Stones have become against my love of friends who I haven’t seen in a month or so. My hatred of the Rolling Stones, again, completely defeated my love of friends. And, by pitting my hatred of what the Rolling Stones have become in direct competition with Iron Man, I have categorically proven that I love Iron man more than the Stones.

In fact, I can’t think of any scenario that would get me into that theater. If, somehow, an imaginary threat like “See the Rolling Stones movie or these six random children would die of cancer” were made real, I would of course see the documentary, because while I may be a jackass at times, I am not a monster. But I would hate every minute of the movie.

So it occurred to me today that I should write a note to my friend thanking him for finally giving me a definitive method for expressing my hatred of what the Rolling Stones have become: I don’t hate them quite enough to kill, but no reasonable incentive would ever get me to see one of their performances.

Thanks, Hickey. From here.

In old/pizza-is-delicious news: Braid! “What a Wonderful Puddle” came up on the old walk to work today, and, I know, it’s like the blueprint anthem for emo’s romanticization of eternal boyhood/Peter Pan syndrome, but fuck it, that song is wonderful. I love it. No puddles today though, or I would probably have ruined my socks jumping in them. No videos of the song either, that I can find (youtube suggests I watch these guys instead), but here’s another great one from the band, “Do you Love Coffee”:

One of the highlights of the past few Wednesday night’s, at the Havana, have been the night’s closing track, which has been a Dimitri From Paris extended edit of Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes’s 1975 soul classic “Don’t Leave Me this Way”. Every week I play it and I constantly get people asking me what the track is and how much they love it. This amazing re-edit is the final track on Dimitri From Paris’ 2002 mix compilation After The Playboy Mansion, as well as being included in the vinyl-only release After The Playboy Mansion (Uplifting Selection) LP which consists of some of the compilations highlights unmixed. And because it’s Wednesday, I thought it would be apropriate in sharing. Enjoy!

Download Dimitri From Paris’ re-edit of Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes’ 1975 soul classic “Don’t Leave Me this Way” by visiting here

or Lost in Translation 2: Reverb Boogaloo