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Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Final Four Poll: Final Fantasy Island Countdown

posted by on April 2 at 10:20 AM

Lemmy lost. Jackie Hell took him out. She may have even slapped him around. Slapped him right on his divine archipelago of moles. Don’t call her Cinderella. (Round of 8 – here.) Jackie Hell is firing on all cylinders and looks tough to handle. And Slats is rolling, but does EYE roll underneath Slats? Barfly is humbled to be here.

8. Jackie Hell
5. Barfly - the Saturday Knights
3. EYE - Boredoms
2. Slats - Pain Cocktail

LineOutFinalFour.jpg

The tip off:

I spoke to Barfly about making it to the Final Four:

This has gotta be exciting. It’s all you’ve worked for isn’t it? The long hours, the practices after school, the power shakes. Right?
Barfly: First, thank you to Line Out. This is definitely a proud achievement for me but I’m trying to keep it in perspective. It’s too early to be dancing in the end zone. There’s a long road ahead and right now, I’m just trying to stay focused on going out there and delivering on a level that I can be proud of. Jackie Hell and Slats are such great competitors and are easily favored to win this thing, but I’ve been an underdog in every round thus far and anything can happen. Not since Mike Eruzione led his fellow Golden Gophers and a supporting cast of butchers, mechanics, and town drunks to that fabled Miracle on Ice Gold Medal in the 1980 Lake Placid Winter Olympics have we seen the potential for such a Cinderella story. I want to add that I’m thrilled at the prospect of keeping the championship hardware on Capitol Hill. 75% of the competitors in this Final Four hail from our much maligned home and that’s no small feat. Suck it, Interbay!

RSS icon Comments

1

That video link of Jackie Hell is so so great. I thought the only thing that rolled under Slats was Broadway.

I didn't think Barfly was a hockey fan.

Posted by Anna | April 2, 2008 11:25 AM
2

No, there are other things that roll under Slats.

Half the arena is chanting BAR, the other half is chanting FLY !!! BAR-FLY, BAR-FLY, BAR-FLY !!

Posted by Otter | April 2, 2008 11:42 AM
3

in barfly beats teh heart of a champion

Posted by lar | April 2, 2008 11:46 AM
4

Jackie Hell just came off the second rope and landed on Barfly's neck. She stunned him, put him in a sleeper hold and got a 2 count. But Barfly kicked off just in time.

Then, it was time for Barfly's showtime move, the Columbian Piledriver. Jackie Hell hasn't seen that one yet.

Posted by Gordon | April 2, 2008 11:55 AM
5

I think my boyfriend gave me the Columbian Piledriver last night. I was wondering what that was called.

Posted by Chad | April 2, 2008 12:03 PM
6

"Divine archipelago of moles."

Ha!

Posted by John | April 2, 2008 12:22 PM
7

Jackie Hell is singular in the world of sport.

Posted by Troy | April 2, 2008 12:47 PM
8

Look Eye in the Eye and tell him he doesn't deserve this. That a drunk who floats down the street deserves it more than a 7 layered totemic tri-drumming nuguru.

Posted by Eyesontheprize | April 2, 2008 1:03 PM
9

Provincialism.

Posted by Eric Grandy | April 2, 2008 1:39 PM
10

Who the fuck is Eye?

Posted by Katelyn | April 2, 2008 2:18 PM
11

How could this "Slats" person possibly be beating the majesty that is EYE? This thing is rigged!

Posted by Levislade | April 2, 2008 2:51 PM
12

I've been trying to vote for Slats all day but it only lets me vote once. What a rip off. You call this fair? I wanna vote as many times as I want!

Posted by Mike Eruzione | April 2, 2008 6:02 PM
13

Katelyn:

From FITS:

"The set began with ringleader Eye (who limped onto the stage, having broken his foot at their show in L.A.) holding two orbs of light, one in each hand, swinging them in slow arcs, holding them aloft, chanting and screaming, while the rest of the band sat ready, triangulating him between their three drum kits. It was dark except for those orbs, but every once in a while a digital camera's LCD screen lit up—photography was not allowed at the show—and a beam of light would shine down from above the stage, security spotlighting the offender.

When the band kicked in, it was a rush—three drummers locked in frenetic synch, starting and stopping, leaving large gaps that were filled with either Eye or the crowd (or both) screaming. In the back of the stage, behind the three drum kits and Eye's huddle of electronics, was a seven-necked guitar, one tall, totemic body with necks sticking out on alternating sides. Eye hit the frets of the seven-headed beast with drumsticks, each neck seemingly tuned to a different chord, drumming out percussive progressions (a fifth person onstage seemed mostly to attend to this instrument, tuning the various guitars throughout the show). The guitars' sound came as washed-out, diffused, intangible tones and echoes, accompanied by Eye's echoing shouts. It sounded like the band was perched on the edge of a cliff, overlooking a turbulent ocean, shouting into the wind and abyss, elemental and precarious.

Next to me in the crowd, a guy was holding his cell phone open for someone to hear the show. I can't imagine they were getting the whole experience on the other end of the line.

Then Eye crouched at a bank of effects and pedals, chanting into a mic and twisting the sounds into foreign shapes, while Yoshimi P-We played synthesizer, and Senju and Yojiro kept the drums rolling. Their sound kept running up to the edge then pulling back, swelling, cresting, and breaking like waves. After maybe 20 minutes of this, they paused, to massive cheers.

They launched back in with more echoing guitar bursts over propulsive drumming, the three drummers hitting the tight changes practically telepathically. Certain sounds or strains of guitar sounded familiar, but it was hard to recognize distinct songs—was that the riff from "7777" or "(two circles)"? Up front, a few guys slammed into each other while a giant flange washed over the crowd. During a lull, Eye howled one sustained note, and the crowd intoned along with him, resonating the whole room.

There were laser bursts. There was primordial pre-psych. My notes became increasingly illegible. Eye said, "Thank you, Seattle." They returned for an encore, drums slipping in and out of one last groove before the crowd emptied out, ritual performed, and returned into the world.

Word from Boredoms, via the intrepid Trent Moorman, is that this summer will see a sequel to last July's 77-drummer spectacle BOADRUM; this one will take place on 8/8/08 and feature, yes, 88 drummers. I'm usually not one for numerology, but 8/8/80 is my birthday (8:08 a.m.), and I plan to be there."

That is EYE.

Posted by Mike Eruzione | April 2, 2008 6:28 PM
14

Slats vs. Barfly would just straight up not be as intriguing as Jackie Hell vs. Slats.

That being said, Barfly certainly has the skills, and has definitely assembled himself a broad coalition. After his speech on race issues, I think Barfly has safely lived through the controversy with his pastor.

The only question is: Who between Jackie Hell and Barfly would Al Gore endorse?

Posted by godsactionfigure | April 2, 2008 8:04 PM
15

Monorail? Viaduct alternatives? Meh.

Slat vs. Jackie Hell is the most polarizing race ever imagined in the history of Seattle voting.

The upshot of this-the most important decision our humble burg has yet been faced with-might just be seeing our precious sense of coalition torn apart at the seams.

I'm not conceding but I for one will not cast a ballot in the final election if the Superdelegates run anyone but these two. Our future as a people is riding on this.

The only other issue of any import right now is naming our Major League Soccer Team.

So where do you fall in that decision?

Seattle Republic?
Seattle FC?
Seattle Alliance?

Who gives a shit? I just need to know...can we call our firm "The Sodo Casuals?"

We could have a vicious re-envisioning of the formerly tech related rivalry between Seattle and San Jose, this time on the pitch. We'll call it the Norwest Derby.

I can't wait to go to Harbor View with a dart in my forehead! Let's start working on our chants.

Posted by Barfly | April 2, 2008 10:06 PM
16

It is difficult not to vote for Barfly. Barfly clearly has the skills, the darts, the chants, the urban center voters, and the power shakes.

But that video of Jackie Hell is unstoppable. She's draining 3 pointers left and right. She didn't even break for half time, she just stayed on the court and did jumping jacks.

Posted by Gore | April 3, 2008 1:19 AM
17

Yeah Barfly!

Posted by sar | April 3, 2008 11:07 AM
18

Slats is looking strong to win this whole thing folks.

I wouldn't be surprised if we're watching a dynasty in the making.

What a great time to be alive, Seattle fans!

Posted by Colabro | April 3, 2008 1:41 PM
19

They should call the soccer team the Slats !!!

Posted by trent moorman | April 3, 2008 1:48 PM
20

Oklahoma can have The Sonics, but nobody's getting Slats.

Slats stays here if it takes building a new stadium and a monorail to keep him.

Posted by Save Our Slats | April 3, 2008 2:24 PM
21

Thanks Mike Eruzione.

Barfly, you shall always have my vote!

Posted by Katelyn | April 3, 2008 3:15 PM
22

This round is setting up for one of the mist epic encounters in our City's short, yet storied, history. Anything less than a full on Macromedia Flash reencounter of todays battle will be shameful.

Posted by Billy the Fridge | April 5, 2008 6:08 PM

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