On Tour The Shroud of Baxter
posted by on April 27 at 12:11 PM
Late night at a motel. A vortex of interstate activity. Obese families in Ford Tauruses with Bush stickers on them. These are the people that are interested in Britney. And sex tapes. Everything is a rock show. Even church.
A team of dirt bike racers is in the room below. They’re knocking back Vodka-Gatorades and looking for poontang. A church group two doors down hides their daughters. Scents waft.
You check into your room. Brush teeth. And there it is, a giant burly pube on the sink, sitting there like a thick black piece of corkscrew pasta. Coiled like a viper. Staring up at you, waiting to strike. You brush and look away. And try not to think about the fact that that pube probably came from the crotch of a chicken molesting trucker named Baxter.
Time for sleep. Finally, sleep. The sanctity of a bed after a long day. You turn down the sheets and there’s a stain. Face sized. It’s like the Shroud of Turin. Is it dirt? Is it blood? Is it make-up? Jesus Christ. Maybe it’s Baxter’s face. Sleep comes before you can fully investigate.
lol
a little thick with the details. if i do say so myself.
Best not to over think that stain.
I had an experience much like this in a cheap motel room the night before last, before leaving Minnesota the next morning (none too soon). Had to get up at 5 to catch an early plane, so I went to bed early. Some stupid rube in the next room kept yammering nonsense in a too loud voice to his mother who was apparently also in the room (although I never heard her reply). He'd shut up just long enough for me to almost fall asleep before blurting out some new nonsense. Why did he keep repeating "Not bad for a dollar thirty nine!"? We may never know.
Dude! They're not the only ones interested in Brittney.
Trent, buy a tent and sleeping bag. There are state parks up and down the west coast. It's much cheaper, they have showers and you can build a fire.
At least then you know who slept in your bedding last.
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