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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Ozzfest - One Horrible Night Only

posted by on May 13 at 13:05 PM

ozzy.jpg

Instead of its usual national tour, Ozzfest has been shortened to one date this year, August 9th at Pizza Hut Park in Dallas. Ozzy and Metallica are the headliners, accompanied by a slough of utter crap, save for the headliners of the “Texas Stage” the Sword, Soilent Green, and the hesitant respect Serj Tankian has earned for being both forward thinking and articulate. Mongoloid metal-heads around the country are fuming that this suck-fest is not coming to their backyard, and have began typing hateful diarrhea on the Ozzfest message board before un-clenching their fists:

“This Suck This is bullshit ozzfest is only going to be a one day show in TX. Well I am gland that all of other summer tour is not like this like warped tour now we got a new summer tour call rockstar mayhem tour I hope it better than ozzfest”
“really it be ok. with two ass hole who don’t know how run a show are their show now. an Texas does have hurricanes dumb ass is was called Rita. And where could put ozzfest other then Texas. Try California. we don’t fuck our sister. imbreaded ass clowns”

The full line-up:

OZZY OSBOURNE / METALLICA / SERJ TANKIAN / HELLYEAH / JONATHAN DAVIS / CAVALERA CONSPIRACY / SHADOWS FALL / APOCALYPTICA / IN THIS MOMENT / All-Star Tribute To “Dimebag” Darrell Abbott

Second Stage: / SEVENDUST / DEVILDRIVER / KINGDOM OF SORROW / SOILENT GREEN / WITCHCRAFT / GOATWHORE

Texas (Third) Stage:
THE SWORD / DROWNING POOL / RIGOR MORTIS

Furious that this sadness parade isn’t coming to Seattle? Feel free to delight us with angry sentence fragments in our comments section.

(ht Idolator)

RSS icon Comments

1

good thing Slough Feg and their hideous clothes wont be there, eh Jeff?

Posted by bobcat | May 13, 2008 2:01 PM
2

Yeah, luckily only original bands like The Sword will be playing.

Oh wait...

Posted by doomsdayzach | May 13, 2008 2:10 PM
3

I put the word "slough" in the sentence with the Sword just for you, Bobcat.

Posted by Jeff Kirby | May 13, 2008 2:50 PM
4

You'll get no ire from this metalhead, drippy dick. I, for one, am elated that this cesspool is staying far from Seattle.

Posted by JJG | May 13, 2008 3:39 PM
5

"Goatwhore" -- pretty funny name but i have a feeling they are not funny people.

"Apocalyptica" -- that's just a shitty name.

The thing about metal band names that i never get: do these people REALLY take themselves that seriously or are they just actually hilarious?

The thing about metal band names i appreciate: you ALWAYS know which bands are metal bands and can easily say "no" to their myspace friend requests without actually having to listen to them.

Posted by E | May 13, 2008 4:11 PM
6

*rolls eyes* Glad to see that metalheads are the ones being painted as ignorant in this article (which, let me say right off the bat that the Ozzfest crowd is NOT an accurate portrayal of any real metalhead), yet you get comments like "Hurr, look at these faggy names those bands suck lol I'll deny their myspace requests". Good job there chief, you have fewer MYSPACE friends to deal with.

Posted by doomsdayzach | May 13, 2008 8:45 PM
7

@5: Apocalyptica is a Metallica tribute act with four members, all cellists. Whether that makes their band name better or worse is your call.

Posted by Sam M. | May 14, 2008 12:21 AM
8

While I don't necessarily find anything entertaining about any of these bands, your intolerance of American's subcultures reflects your lack of intelligence.

Most of the people that go to these Ozzfest shows are either confused teenagers or the drunk older guys trying to have sex with them. However, this is limited to only the mainstream metal festivals.

A lot of metal bands and fans have matured past this stereotype, and they support this type of music as one of the last bastions of social change through art.

Saying that all metalheads are mongoloids is similar to saying that all Black people are lazy, or that all Jewish people are stingy with money. They are false generalizations, and they accurately represent the ignorance of the person perpetuating those ideas.

Posted by Conor H. | May 15, 2008 5:05 PM

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