Many Seattleites sing the praises of Palace Kitchen’s hamburger. I’m willing to concede that it may very well be the best burger in Seattle (or at least in the top 3), but Tom Douglas’s restaurant doesn’t blast Pantera while you chow down on the American classic. I guess Palace doesn’t really cater to my demographic. I have to go all the way to the Midwest to savor an exquisite burger under prime conditions.

Situated in Chicago’s Avondale neighborhood, Kuma’s Corner is my kind of eatery. Heavy metal blares throughout the restaurant at all times. The beer selection is snobby in the best possible way (PBR is the only domestic brew available). And the burgers are truly delicious. Of the 22 burgers on the menu, 20 are named after metal bands. Highlights include the Slayer, featuring a pile of fries topped with a half-pound burger, chili, cherry peppers, andouille, onions, jack cheese, and “Anger.” The Clutch burger features four kinds of cheese. The Goblin Cock comes with a quarter-pound hot dog on top. They also offer a pulled-pork sandwich (the Pig Destroyer) and a buffalo chicken sandwich (the Hate Beak). I’ve sampled five menu items and was blown away by all of them.

I’m crossing my fingers for a Seattle franchise.