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Saturday, August 23, 2008

Salt Lake City, Utah: Deep Star Rex

posted by on August 23 at 19:57 PM

otterpops.jpg

Ralph the Ralphing Everclear Otter Pop, Chubicabra, Russian Roulette, and All Ages Fun.

The Mormon presence shadows Salt Lake City with a stiff foreboding religious haze. Thereís a quiet there. Itís not all choirs and polygamy though. Thereís a music scene, and an adult novelty store with no windows called ‘Mischievous’. The ad for Mischievous has a young stud of a blonde haired man having his ass shaved that reads ďExpand Your Toy Collection.Ē So Salt Lake has caught up to the times. Thereís the Mormon Tabernacle and now there are quarter mile long party-dildos for sale called the Deep Star Rex.

Salt Lake City streets are extremely easy to navigate and the Mexican food is delecticious. Albertoís is the absolute shit.

For music venues, thereís an all ages compound called Kilby Court. Down its own dusty piece of road, there are practice rooms, art spaces, the show room, and a patio with well watered foliage and a fire pit. Foals play Kilby soon. Kilby is an all ages Mecca. Thereís a ghost there they call the Green Man. Itís the ghost of a Chinese guy who shot himself in the head while playing Russian Roulette. A casket sits outside in the back of one of the Kilby buildings. No word on whether itís the Green Manís or not.

Another place to play is the 21 and over Urban Lounge. GZA, Greyskul, Silver Jews, Deerhoof, and Stephen Malkmus play Urban soon. Blue Scholars recently played there.

Head Like a Kite was supposed to play at Kilby Court but it was moved to Urban Lounge. It’s cool to see different clubs work together to facilitate a touring band. It was Tateís birthday. Tate is nice as can be. His band the Lionelle played and everyone danced and got scatter grooved. A pregnant woman was drinking beer out of a huge lager style mug. It wasnít just a belly, the woman was pregnant, and drinking beer, and nobody said anything to her. Hopefully it was near beer.

The movers and shakers of Salt Lake City are engineering a new frozen alcoholic treat, never before attempted by man - Otter Pops with Everclear dripped in. The sure fire way to get your Mormonic vomit on. They call it the Alco-Pop. Instead of Alexander the Grape, itís Ralph the Ralphing Flavored Iced Treat. Wait, Everclear canít freeze. The Salt Lake movers and shakers will be enjoying Ralph the Slushie Treats instead. Good luck with that.

The owner of Kilby Court saw a Chubicabra beast about four years ago. Some sort of werewolf they say, or dog on its hind legs, gnarling. It was standing outside a window of one of the Kilby apartments looking in. The owner threw a hammer through the window at it. The beast made strange noises then ran to the other side of the place and apparently hopped on the roof where it made more weird noises. I believe the Chubicabra was an unshaven gnarling man who had dabbled a bit heavily into the Alco Pops.

We stayed with Steven that night. Steven was born in the United States, but has no social security number. Heís making a documentary about what his life is like. Somehow he has a passport, and heís starting to invest in real silver and gold. The S in $, thatís silver. Thank you Steven. I held a real silver dollar from 1972, but I couldnít stop thinking about the pregnant woman drinking beer.

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Pregnant women can drink beer. Many doctors in the U.S. have no problem advising pregnant women that one or two drinks will cause no harm, especially late in the pregnancy (ie, when the woman is visibly, no-doubt pregnant). In Europe, pregnant women often have a drink or two and no one looks sideways at them.

Posted by Lucky | August 26, 2008 12:10 PM

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