If you are wondering what '90s night at Neighbours was like last week, well, I am finally ready to discuss it. My next-day hangover was so severe/penetrating/total that I have been reluctant to walk my mind back to last Wednesday night and give you a full accounting. Thankfully, notes were taken. What did they play? There was that Boyz II Men song ("Boyz II Men, what's go-ING on..."), there was "Everybody Dance Now,"* there was "Whoomp! (There It Is)," there was Michael Jackson's "Black or White," there was "Vogue"...

Am I painting a picture? Are you smelling what I'm, uh, not dancing to? There was not, as I'd hoped there'd be, any remixed Nirvana, or remixed Sublime, or remixed No Doubt, or remixed TLC—none of the hugely popular '90s pop acts that formed the soundtrack to high school for me (no friends, lots of time in Mom's car, commercial radio, California)—at least not during what I would consider the peak hour of dancing at Neighbours (arrived at 11:45 pm, left around 12:30 am). There was no Sir-Mix-a-Lot, no Savage Garden, no Green Day, no Spice Girls. There were no Barenaked Ladies (in spite of them being Eric Grandy's favorite band). There wasn't even Daft Punk's "Around the World." The songs they were playing were from someone else's '90s catalogue.

There was also, um, no one dancing. Apparently, '90s night hasn't taken off yet. Occasionally one or two people would come out onto the dance floor, give it the old college try, and then stop. Because no one wants to be the only one dancing. There were maybe a dozen people in the whole place. Which means there's nothing to lose, Neighbours. There is plenty in the '90s catalogue to make a very fun dance night out of, and Trent Von is a smooth, capable DJ. But no one goes to a '90s dance night to dance to "Vogue" or "Everybody Dance Now" or "Whoomp! (There It Is)." You go to weddings to dance to those songs. Yes, technically they are '90s songs, but they CLEARLY belong to the '80s. If you really, really want to play them, Mr. Von, play them at '80s night—seriously, no one would notice.

In case you're reading this, gods of Neighbours, there were a lot of ideas in this thread about '90s music people would love to dance to. Those commenters seemed to be with me: excited—psyched, even—about the '90s-dance-night concept. Maybe you could just work on the song mix a little? If you keep having no covers on Wednesday nights, and keep offering $3.95 double wells (ahem), people will catch on and start coming. There are so many people in this city who could give a shit about hipster bands and just want to dance—ironically, not ironically, whatever—to songs they know all the words to from singing along to them in 11th grade.

In closing: PLEASE?!

(More info—address, time, etc.—about '90s night at Neighbours here.)

* Technically, the song is called "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)," but that's ridiculous.