Regarding last night’s fantabulous Bacon Strip at Re-Bar, commenter j beezly exclaims/laments/asks, “fuck! missed it! can we get a review?”, to which I answer, “Of course, silly! Don’t be a goose! Here’s your review!”

And so it begins:

I wasn’t feeling gay enough on my own, so I brought Steven Blum of “Public Intern” fame along with me. We arrived at 11:16 PM precisely to a full and thumping house packed with sweaty gay sexiness. The pirate theme was worked with vigor and commitment. I fell in love at least twice, and might have popped a boner once. (I’m looking at you, Michael.) Everyone who removed clothing definitely should have. This is rare. And deeply appreciated.

Most of the rest of it is a blur, which is how I know that it was awesome, but these things stand out: A compellingly loathsome Jackie Hell performed to a dazzled crowd while a shirtless freak in a blond wig gyrated around her; creme de la crap and consummate disasteroid Anna Rexia (Craig Trolli) and her dizzy slut compatriot Emma Gawd (Patrick Emrock, in from PDX for the show) gave a peculiar performance that I don’t even remember because the shots just then kicked in; and Sylvia’s tits were bangin’.

Dan Savage was there, having actually crawled out of his glittery fame hole to flirt with skinny boys, his husband Terry kept bitching that I smelled like patchouli or something (which is patently absurd as I clearly smell like butterscotch and sunshine—but whatever, his hair looked great), but all that might have been a dream. I’m 90% sure I got baked in the alley with The Money Tree Caterpillar. (Please, for God's sake, don’t ask.) And I remember bouncing up and down on the dance floor with two hundred other bouncy fags to a mix of “Betty Davis Eyes” before I just don’t remember any more. OH YEAH! And there was actual, real, honest-to-Babe bacon served, which made me worried about my breath, but a kind girl gave me a linty mint from her pocket, which I ate anyway, because I really wanted to make out with this one hot guy, and I figured that linty mint was a small price to pay for kissably fresh breath. But then really, that’s all I remember. Sorry.

In short, it was glorious. And thank you for asking!