Portugal. The Man's new album, The Satanic Satanist, revels in old-school LP-art lavishness. With packaging this elaborate and cool, we don't even care if the music's not worthwhile. But from what I've heard by Portugal. The Man, they make pretty compelling, widescreen neo-prog rock and Beatlesque pop, full of passion and hooks. But even if that's not your thing, you may want to splurge on this deluxe item. It's kind of a conversation-starter and destined to be the center of attention at any party.

I arrived home just now to discover these magical creatures, lounging upon my counter top:

This charismatic plate of delights was baked and, indeed, given, by the charming and ever-bakey spouse of a certain Modest Mouse bassist who shall remain unnamed. Which makes her an unnamed Modest Mouse-wife. And the baked-goods in question Modest Mouse-muffins. And from deep inside my very first bite of that scrumptious looking fellow in the middle there, my twirling tongue extracted this:

Yes! I know you can’t see it—the thing I pulled from the Modest Mouse-muffin in my mouth and stuck on that old bit of Quilted Brawney there between that wooden spoon and the jaunty orange fork. But if you could, you would. A hair! A Modest Mouse Muffin-hair! FABULOUS!
I’m having this Modest-Mouse-muffin hair framed. I’m keeping it for Modest Mouse-ever.
On an unrelated and much gayer note: My aggressive campaign to gay-ify the tragically gay-underrepresented wonderland that is Ballard expands tonight to the FU KUN WU HERBAL APOTHACARY!
The place is on Ballard Avenue, just across from the Sunset Tavern, and it has two themes: antique opium den, and antique Chinese apothecary. They work these themes spectacularly. The upstairs is the apothecary part, downstairs is the den—a candle-lit cave of leather beds and antique opium pipes! Their cocktail menu is a mysterious mélange of top-shelf spirits and Chinese tonic herbal potions, and the result is a miracle of nature and alcohol. They serve several signature Yohimbe drinks (Mother Nature’s Viagra—watch out!), and their Black Tea Martini tastes like cool moon-beam honey dripping down an ice sickle. It is located in the rear of a not recommended Thai restaurant called, horribly, "Thia Ku." I CAN’T WAIT!
Nothing too flamboyant: My plan is to simply ensconce myself in a shadowy booth, sip Yohitos (Yohimbe Mohitos! Sweet Jesus!) and blast my singularly powerful gayness into the walls and fixtures and saturate the joint in general. That's all.
The place will be gayer than a bucket of butt-plugs by midnight!
GAY ATTACK!

Facts!
Dimbleby & Capper are both one Laura Bettinson from London.
She's/they're unsigned.
Some might say Dimbleby & Capper sounds like other recent imported independent popstars because 1.] she's English and 2.] she's a girl. But she seems more like Laurie Anderson or a paper-maché Pipettes than an I-can-do-what-you-can-do label cash-in.
"We've decided Dimbleby is an Eastern-European harlot, Capper a hobbit throw-back from the '80s."
Have you hummed today?
Try "Beautiful But Boring".
The song's title gives you ideas about handy self-awareness, if you're mean. Or about Bettinson's competition, the type of championed indie music that goes down well but always seems to eventually leave you empty and disappointed, if you're nice.
We also like to think that Dimbleby is this terrified-looking girl from a year ago and Capper is the little toy wizard noise-box puffing out a crude version of the tune from her lap.
"Dimbleby...she's a HO."
"Capper...he/she's a slapper."
[Download]

It's been a long time since a club in town hosted a regular fetish night—RIP Sunday nights at the Vogue—but it looks like Seattle's got a brand new fetish night. Sexstanza—a first-Thursday-of-the-month fetish, kink, and costume dance party (can I come as Elisabeth Hasselbeck?)—kicks off tonight at Re-bar. More info here.
UPDATE: Russell in comments (on the Slog cross-post) responding to "it's been a long time since a club in town hosted a regular fetish night..."
Um, besides Grind at the Wet Spot you mean? Every Thursday for nine years and the most popular event there, thankyouverymuch ^-^
Sorry about that, Russell—yes, Grind at the Center for Sex Positive Culture is an asset and a treasure. But I was referring to a regular fetish night at a regular nightclub—an actual nightclub with booze and... well, with booze. While the Grind's atmosphere is "nightclub-like," according to the Center's website, it also notes, "As always: no alcohol," which is un-nightclub-like in the extreme. On the plus side Grind is open to anyone 18-and-over, so kinky underagers can get their freak on at Grind. For more info about Grind email grind@sexpositiveculture.org.
But we're all in agreement that Sexstanza is a terrible name for a fetish night—or any night. Grind is a much cooler name. The end.
Q: Was it worth it to take two buses to Studio Seven in the wind and rain last night, just to see if Napalm Death would play a cover of "Nazi Punks Fuck Off" by the Dead Kennedys? A: YES! Hell yes.
It was excellent. Napalm's still got it. Also surprised at how many girls were there. Headbangers!



More photos after the jump...

Dave Segal talks music production and solo recording with Erik Blood:
While Blood derives much satisfaction working the controls for other artists' music (his production credits include releases by the Moondoggies, the Lights, Tea Cozies, and Voltage Periscope, the musical side of the comedy troupe Black Daisy), he is just as enamored of his own creative processes. The fruits of his efforts materialize May 12 with the digital release of his first solo album, The Way We Live, which he's releasing himself. Through a service called TuneCore, Blood's full-length will be available in several online outlets, including iTunes, Amazon, and eMusic.

Charles Mudede interviews local hip hop duo Fresh Espresso:
"First of all, I never try to approach any project in the same light," says Rik. "What I did with Cigar Rock Star has to be different from what I'm doing with Fresh Espresso. If not, something is wrong. You know Miles Davis, he never did the same thing twice. He went electric, and Wynton Marsalis hated him for it. I'm like Davis. I want to push myself like that. Don't get me wrong, I will never do something I don't like. But I want to change. The next project will not sound like Fresh Espresso."
Up & Coming highlights this week's noteable shows and parties, like tonight's show with Louis Logic:
The reputation of Louis Logic, a Brooklyn-based rapper and former member of the Demigodz, rests heavily on 2003's Sin-A-Matic, which offered a new direction or possibility for New York's underground hiphop scene—then dominated by Definitive Jux. Instead of the relentlessly dark, postapocalyptic, Blade Runner—like moods designed and promoted by El-P, Def Jux's founder and architect, Louis Logic presented a lighter and more playful style of hiphop. Indeed, his storytelling and sense of humor made him a part of a hiphop tradition that began with the ruler Slick Rick, in the modern period (1984 to 1988).

Fucking in the Streets on Secret Mommy, Constant Lovers, and Vivian Girls:
They played one or two new songs from a forthcoming album (!), remarkable for running well over the 3:30 minute mark—they're not going prog or anything, but still, relatively epic. They ran offstage, sometimes while still playing their instruments, to grab a drink in the backstage area (god, touring bands must think Seattle is fucking retarded; thanks, WSLCB). They closed their set with their big instrument-switch-up drone jam. Of course, as drone jams go, I've heard bigger.
Data Breaker previews performances by Dietrich Schoenemann and Erictronic:
Schoenemann's maintained his razor-sharp acumen as a selector while nurturing his labels and creative partnership with producer Tony Rohr. As a mastering engineer, Schoenemann has access to exclusive dubplates, as well, so expect a unique, powerful set from him at Bonkers!—and with 3-D visuals projected behind him.

Larry Mizell, Jr hypes Abstract Rude's Seattle tour stop this Saturday:
On Saturday, May 9, get nice with Abstract Rude, who's hitting Nectar with his boys from Project Blowed and Haiku d'etat—former Freestyle Fellowship mates Aceyalone and Myka 9. The "Mike, Aaron & Eddie Tour" is celebrating 15 years steady of Project Blowed—damn, I can't think of the last time Myka 9 must have been up here; for as many Blowed/Fellowship heads as I've known out here who relentlessly stan for his signature Coltrane-cadenced schemes, the spot better be packed!
Underage reviews POP425, a new compilation of young artists from the Eastside:
The album kicks off with lively electro party-starter APOC's "Tetris," a heart-racing dance homage to old-school video games that taps into the furious intensity of the one-man band's live show. The compilation's highlights include the pop rock of Schoolboy Gutbuster's "Golden Blonde," the defiance of Generifus's "Nobody Can Tell Me What to Do," the summer punk cry of Seahouse's "Sleepy Not Sleeping," and the machine music of Masters and Johnson's "Factory Mishaps." The only problem with Ballen's project is the fact that her own song, "Little Secrets," is so irresistibly good that it kind of steals the show, with Ballen's voice fluttering and harmonizing over delicately plucked acoustic guitar—it's her best recorded work yet.
The Score blasts the Pulitzer Prize in Music Award conferred to Steve Reich:
The 2009 Pulitzer represents the continual stylistic widening of a winner's circle once dominated by what student composers decades ago called "uptown serialists." But the prize should have come sooner for any of these singular and stunning pieces in Reich's catalog: Piano Phase (1967), Drumming (1970—71), Music for 18 Musicians (1974—76), Tehillim (1981)/The Desert Music (1984), and Different Trains (1988). Ex-Seattle composer Steve Layton hit the nail on the head in the Sequenza 21 blog: "Like so many other times, if the Pulitzer board had given it to him 20 or 30 years ago, it might have been important for Reich, modern music, and the Pulitzer itself. These delayed calls reek of the ol' Oscar 'lifetime achievement' award. Bully for Steve, bollocks on the Pulitzer and its process."

Michaelangelo Matos reviews new music by the Pains of Being Pure at Heart:
There isn't a single off beat here: straight four down the line, everything post-Velvets by way of mid-'80s UK indie jangle, the breakdown-not-bridge the same music as the rest of the song only with the guitars louder, then gone, then rising back up, ready for more, only to be greeted with a chanted "Don't check me out." On paper, this sounds insufferably coy. In aural fact, I never play it once without playing it again at least twice more. Like rapping, it's nowhere near as easy as it looks to do this kind of thing right.
New album reviews, like the Vaselines' Enter the Vaselines, and Magik Markers' Balf Quarry:
Magik Markers cut the new Balf Quarry with Seattle producer Scott Colburn (Animal Collective, Sun City Girls), who brings even more clarity and punch to the band's piercing sound. Noise has become vestigial here for the duo; composing an eerie, etiolated sort of beauty has become more of a priority. The result is 10 songs that evoke some of American indie rock's glories of the '80s and '90s without blatantly homaging them.
Plus: Party Crasher remembers what you did last weekend! Poster of the Week! A New Column! with Taylor Hicks. And please do search the Stranger's complete Music Calendar Listings for more events.
Decibel Festival honcho Sean Horton reports that last night's Decibel Gala Fundraiser at the Triple Door failed to raise money for the fest (although it sounds like it was a fine show):
Special thanks to anyone that made it out last night and to those who have donated money over the past few days. Unfortunately that night's "fundraiser" did lose money (very low attendance).Hopefully the low turnouts for events will change moving into the spring, but based on feedback I've been getting, people are either short on time and or money. To all of you out there struggling, trust me when I say "I know the feeling".
Regardless of whether the 2009 festival takes please, know I have the utmost respect and love for this community and the people that have dedicated countless hours to supporting the festival over the past 6 years.
Again, if you feel inclined to chip in, tax-deductible donations to Decibel can be made to its fiscal sponsor Shunpike (www.shunpike.org) at 3518 Fremont Ave N, #118, Seattle WA 98103, or via Paypal to iamnordicsoul@hotmail.com.

The Base (al Qaeda) has entered the age of hiphop.
The latest video from Somalia's al Qaeda-backed Al-Shabaab wing is as slickly produced as a reality TV show but with a startling message — complete with a hip-hop jihad vibe.All the more reason why we should never forget the wisdom in these words by the priestess Erykah Badu:"Hiphop is bigger than religion.""Mortar by mortar, shell by shell, only going to stop when I send them to hell," the unidentified voice raps on the video, which runs at least 18 minutes.
I like the idea of a large, live disco band in 2009, especially if congas and analog synths are involved. The fantastically named Phenomenal Handclap Band fulfill all your satin-shirted, long-haired, camel-toed, tambourine-playing, female-vocalist dreams. (These folks would've been perfect for Ben Cook and Terry Miller's short-lived Sunday night monthly at Chop Suey.) The soulful hippie-cult vibe they radiate and the P-Funk- and prog-inflected keyboard flourishes add to the allure. Even these videos of the Phenomenal Handclap Band have that washed-out ’70s aura to them. Period details—they’re important.
Recently, Seattle's beloved hip hop troublemakers Mad Rad were served with a $500 lawsuit from Amante Pizza for having wheat-pasted posters on the building's wall (you know, that big blank wall on Olive way—see the photo below).
"This has been and ongoing problem for us since October or November of last year," says Mad Rad rapper Gregory Smith (aka Terry Radjaw). "Amante wanted to press charges on the club for Mad Rad posters being wheat pasted on the side of their building. Pete [Greenberg, Chop Suey booker] called me, and I told him we were on tour and when I got back in 3 days I would handle it. The pizza place didn't want to wait a few days. I went there and talked to the manager of Amante, who said he would tell the owner of the building that I stopped by trying to take care of the situation."
"Now, months later, a guy goes to our show [this past Saturday at the Mix]. He got there about 8 o'clock, when nobody was there. We got there at 10:30, and P and Buff' got served for $500. I want to fight this, but with all the other bullshit going on, and us trying to be on good graces, this is the last thing we need. So we will just pay it. It's been something I've been trying to deal with since we came back from tour. It's bullshit, but we are going to deal with it and move on."
So, all good. But the real issue here is this: Legal or not, where does Amante get off complaining about obnoxioius, unwanted signage?

In less litigious Mad Rad related business, this week's Stranger contains a profile of another one of Mad Rad rapper/producer P Smoov's projects, his duo with Rik Rude, Fresh Espresso. Check it out:

Those who think they know who P Smoov is by way of Mad Rad must find and check out the beats he did on this compilation. Listen to them once, and your doubts will melt. And through the storm of alarms and dirty funk, Rik Rude does not miss a beat. He draws from a wide variety of rap styles: Jay-Z, CL Smooth, Big Daddy Kane, and even Butterfly of Digible Planets. Fresh Espresso, his new project with P Smoov, is, however, less volcanic and more focused than Cigar Rock Star.
[...]
Not since hearing Blue Scholars' eponymous debut in 2004 have I been so excited about a local work of hiphop art. It has the potential to complete what was started on Rik's Cigar Rock Star and continued on Mad Rad's White Gold.
photo of the infernal Amante sign by Anthony Hecht; Fresh Espresso photo by Rabid Child Images
Seeing the Vaselines was a highlight for me at last summer's SP20 festival—as the sun set, they played their bright and poppy, lo-fi and fun songs while I sat on a grassy hill people watching and singing along... it was perfect. If you missed it, you have a second chance to see the band you probably thought you'd never see again because the Vaselines are playing Neumos this Tuesday! THE VASELINES! At Neumos! This Tuesday! The show's all-ages and it costs $20, but one lucky Line Out reader gets to go for free (and get a +1 to boot).
To enter, send an e-mail to freetickets@thestranger.com with the Vaselines in the subject line and your full name in the body of the e-mail. A winner will be notified via e-mail by the end of the week (to ensure you plenty of time to find a date).
Photo of the Vaselines by Morgan Keuler
Erik Blood performs at Chop Suey tonight, celebrating the release of his first upcoming solo record called The Way We Live. Dave Segal profiled the local musician in this week's paper and had this to say about his upcoming album:
The 10-track album reflects Blood's love of MBV and the Jesus and Mary Chain's clangorous melodic efflorescence, but it's enriched by a patina of romanticism that evokes John Hughes's '80s films. The album—mastered by Shockabilly/Bongwater legend Mark Kramer—exudes a grandiloquent cinematic aura. Nearly every cut aches to be set to crucial scenes in quality Hollywood fare, especially the climactic "Better Days," a rapturous, string-laden ballad that practically glows. "Birch Effect," which actually may appear in a small indie flick, possesses an understated buoyancy that recalls Modern English's "I Melt with You," before blooming into an epiphany of a chorus. "Broken Glass" rampages and blisses out with Loveless-like (b)luster.Blood's songs bear elegant contours, and their hooks stick in your mind like a nutritious goo while avoiding cloying obviousness. Crafted with care and expertly produced, The Way We Live seems destined to attain pop-classic status.
Also happening tonight, per this week's Up & Comings:
Triumph of Lethargy Skinned Alive to Death, Scout Niblett, TacocaT
(Tractor) On the Triumph of Lethargy song "RC and Whiskey," over an acoustic guitar, an echoing snare, and a cheap, faded organ line that sounds like it might have been lifted from a karaoke version of a Neil Diamond song, Spencer Moody bellows and moans, heartsick, "We were drinking RC and whiskey in the van/Driving to Portland listening to 'Her Jazz'/'Her Jazz'/'Her Jazz'/'Her Jazz'/'Her Jazz.'" The subject of this fine song is an even finer song by UK riot-grrrl squad Huggy Bear, who Triumph of Lethargy cover, along with Bikini Kill, on a new tribute to the two bands, a split 12-inch with TacocaT and Baby Control titled This Is Happening Without Your Permission. TacocaT cover "Her Jazz," and if their live version is any indication, it probably sounds perfectly riotous. ERIC GRANDY
Louis Logic, the Let Go, Tulsi, Waves of the Mind
(High Dive) The reputation of Louis Logic, a Brooklyn-based rapper and former member of the Demigodz, rests heavily on 2003's Sin-A-Matic, which offered a new direction or possibility for New York's underground hiphop scene—then dominated by Definitive Jux. Instead of the relentlessly dark, postapocalyptic, Blade Runner—like moods designed and promoted by El-P, Def Jux's founder and architect, Louis Logic presented a lighter and more playful style of hiphop. Indeed, his storytelling and sense of humor made him a part of a hiphop tradition that began with the ruler Slick Rick, in the modern period (1984 to 1988). For these types of rappers, it all comes down to wit and skills, and beats that match the wit and skills. Sin-A-Matic is a fine example of the lyrical and musical comic approach to underground hiphop. CHARLES MUDEDE
See everything else in our searchable and comprehensive calendar!
Erik Blood photo by Brian O'Shea.
"And the slums got so much soul": Vampire Weekend dabbles in hip-hop
Never-ender: Michael Jackson sued by former publicist
I hate the future: Indie label sponsors BitTorrent site
Then again, the past wasn't so hot either: Dirty Projectors release latest album on cassette
Signs of recovery: Deftones bassist taken off of life support
Seattle wins!: Heaven and Hell tour to feature one-off by Neurosis