I arrived home just now to discover these magical creatures, lounging upon my counter top:

This charismatic plate of delights was baked and, indeed, given, by the charming and ever-bakey spouse of a certain Modest Mouse bassist who shall remain unnamed. Which makes her an unnamed Modest Mouse-wife. And the baked-goods in question Modest Mouse-muffins. And from deep inside my very first bite of that scrumptious looking fellow in the middle there, my twirling tongue extracted this:

Yes! I know you can’t see it—the thing I pulled from the Modest Mouse-muffin in my mouth and stuck on that old bit of Quilted Brawney there between that wooden spoon and the jaunty orange fork. But if you could, you would. A hair! A Modest Mouse Muffin-hair! FABULOUS!

I’m having this Modest-Mouse-muffin hair framed. I’m keeping it for Modest Mouse-ever.

On an unrelated and much gayer note: My aggressive campaign to gay-ify the tragically gay-underrepresented wonderland that is Ballard expands tonight to the FU KUN WU HERBAL APOTHACARY!

The place is on Ballard Avenue, just across from the Sunset Tavern, and it has two themes: antique opium den, and antique Chinese apothecary. They work these themes spectacularly. The upstairs is the apothecary part, downstairs is the den—a candle-lit cave of leather beds and antique opium pipes! Their cocktail menu is a mysterious mélange of top-shelf spirits and Chinese tonic herbal potions, and the result is a miracle of nature and alcohol. They serve several signature Yohimbe drinks (Mother Nature’s Viagra—watch out!), and their Black Tea Martini tastes like cool moon-beam honey dripping down an ice sickle. It is located in the rear of a not recommended Thai restaurant called, horribly, "Thia Ku." I CAN’T WAIT!

Nothing too flamboyant: My plan is to simply ensconce myself in a shadowy booth, sip Yohitos (Yohimbe Mohitos! Sweet Jesus!) and blast my singularly powerful gayness into the walls and fixtures and saturate the joint in general. That's all.

The place will be gayer than a bucket of butt-plugs by midnight!

GAY ATTACK!