I’m still touring the blazing deep Deep South of Oregon, where the livin’ is jumpin and the Beavers are hot. (As the most gayest man in the world, you probably never expected me to say that. You don’t know me!) And I must confess: all of this southern-fried beaver has put me in quite an appetite for even more of it, so if I were in Seattle tonight, which I ain't, I know exactly what I’d be doing. Wing Dinging! Like the gaddamm King of Wing Ding Land! Like the biggest Wing Dinger that ever dared Wing Ding! At Carlotta’s Late Night Wing Ding. Which you may never have heard of. But that’s okay. Allow me to explain:

Carlotta is the crotchety old Southern-fried female alter ego of Troy Mink. About once a month, Carlotta sauces it up, crotchety-old-Southern-style, with a parade of quirky guests and shocking drag talent. (Yes, it’s one of those drag-centric type things.) This nonsense has gone on for over 12 years (excusing one or two long pauses), and they tell me that tonight’s show is going to feature the fabulously loathsome and always enrapturing anti-talents of Jackie Hell (oooh!)—plus, a theme! THE LIBERAL NEKKID ‘60s! Carlotta says in a recent press release:

"Since my grandson came out of the closet door I had to become a liberal if I was to except him... so I figure anything goes now... it's hard but I'm tryin.'"

Right. Well. I’m so sick of the fucking ‘60s. But I’m never sick of nekkidness, God knows, and nekkidness is deeply encouraged tonight at Carlotta's—listen to this: they charge $7 at the door, but “take half off, and so will we”, they say, so you know what that means. (The cheaper, the cheaper!) But wait! It get's worse! “Go BUCK for a BUCK!” Saucy! Southern-fried HOT nekkid-for-a-dollar saucy! (Oh, and dress as a fucking hippie or whatever and they’ll only charge you $5, CHRIST AM I SICK OF THE ‘60s!)

I’m not sure if there’ll be booze, so get good and snockered before hand just in case. (But watch your manners!) And, you know, if there IS a bar, great, more booze. But wait! Carlotta says, “Be careful about bringin' in them twisted up cig'rettes, I cain't stop ye, I'm not the po-lice and I'm liberal now... but if the po-lice was to show up they could close us down!" I have no idea what she’s talking about.

It all happens TONIGHT! (And, well, last night, but you already missed that.) At Open Circle Theater. (2222 2nd Avenue, 206.382.4250.) $7-dollars, sliding hippie-nekkid scale. 10:30pm.

LUCKY!