Who has time to do all these fabulous things? WHO?

TASTERS CHOICE w/Kristina Childs & DJ Verse!
The Capitol Club tonight will pulse and throb to the sex-sex-SEXY beats of resident DJ Verse and guest star DJ Kristina Childs. 414 E. Pine. No cover!

FIRST FRIDAY in The Blue Room at Trinity w/Special Guest DJ Eva!
Freshly back from a whirlwind European tour, DJ Eva spins some very special new so-called “jams”. And I don’t think she means jelly. (Who spins jelly anymore? I ask you.) 10pm. No cover!

SONYA'S SIRENS at Sonya's!
Yes, Sonya's. Bar and Grill. Downtown. I never go down to Sonya’s anymore, because I find it rather wretched, but this just might drag me out (har, har)…tonight they are hosting a glittery, boys-in-dresses-drenched Burlesque/Cabaret, featuring Ben DeLaCreme, Lucky Penny, Bunny Monroe, and more! Dazzling. 1919 First Avenue 8pm, $15.

KiILL CANCER COMEDY SHOW at The Pike Place Maket Theatre!
Don't let the confusing title of this event confuse you—all you really need to know is that a) cancer sucks and b) some very smart people are getting together tonight to bring you some big funny. Procedes go to beloved Seattle film community fixture Rich Cranor, who lamentably has contracted the dreaded Big "C". (In his "Bs" no less! Poor bastard.) Pike Place Market Theatre (1428 Post Alley), 8pm, $12.

TAINTED LOVE at The Eagle
CHEAP and DIRTY! Tonight DJ UP-ABOVE is hosting and 80's night at the naughty, naughty Eagle. The doors are at 9pm, the cover is only $3, and you shouldn’t go to this event unless you are GAY and your sensibilities run toward the quite FILTHY. Madame, you’ve been quite warned. 314 East Pine. Doors at 9pm. $3 cover. Like I just said.

SAM Remix!
The biggest event of all tonight is the new installment of SAM Remix. This huge multimedia extravaganza features dancing, DJs, myriad random performances and activities. Seattle Art Museum, 1300 First Ave. 8pm. $10. (Fags mention Seattle Out and Proud (SOAP) for $5-off the cover.) This is an 18 plus event.

Well? Get to it.

Tonight!