Oh, fucking Valentine’s Day! It looms over our fragile hearts like a vulture of doom. It’s expensive. It’s infuriating! It’s fraught with peril. The only way to fight it off is sex-and/or-more-sex, booze, dancing, and disgusting tons of it, too. (Love and, ugh, romance are practically powerless, don’t kid yourselves; they mostly make it angry.) Are you ready?

You are now.

MONDAY!
Monday’s over. Pay attention.

TUESDAY!
Taco Tuesday at The Wildrose!
This is when very sexy queer girls gather and grind each others pelvises into powder to the beats of inimitable queer DJs. It is a long standing event, madly hot, smash-crammed full of the honest-to-goddess hottest labia-having/labia-lusting human creatures that four thumping walls ever dared contain. (With cheap corn dogs!) It is my favorite all-girl night in Seattle (yes, I’m a boy, I just don’t abuse the fact), and If you’re a single girl-4-girl (or just have a hot girlfriend and want to gloat in public), I can’t even begin to imagine a better starting point on the desperate rut that is the road to V-Day. You may not rush to register, but you’ll get your bad bits touched. Guaranteed. No cover. 1021 East Pike.

WEDNESDAY!
Welfare Wednesday at The Eagle!
Because Wednesday night at the Eagle is the only night of the week DJ Nark (Kevin Kauer) hasn’t invaded in some form or high fashion, now we have Welfare Wednesday at The Eagle. The theme? Poverty. “We’re all poor,” says the release. (The press release, don’t be disgusting.) “Well drinks are cheap, the fun is plentiful, and the cage is waiting for you.” Bring your cheapest date. Or find one there. DJ's NARK and KC. No cover, 314 East Pike, 9pm.

(More after the jump...)

THURSDAY!
Penetration at The Bus Stop!
We haven’t given the Bus Stop enough love lately, have we? (NO! We certainly have NOT!) And Thursday night is something interesting: Penetration, a fabulous sort of art and lights and music kind of thing that comes with magic 3D glasses! (I’m not making this up!) This installment of the event features work from a London based artist called Izzie Klingels, who has an interesting name, and is from London (like I think I said), and has produced visuals for Dazed and Confused Magazine, Preen Magazine, Vice Magazine, and, you guessed it, more! And of course, there is no cover. (Dazzling! Unique! Dead CHEAP!) 9pm, 1552 East Olive Way.

FRIDAY!
Dance Queers Dance at also The Wildrose!
This is a very bossy event. (YOU dance! I don’t WANNA dance!) This also happens at The Wildrose, but on a Friday. (WOW!) As the name of the event implies, it is for queers (mostly the girl kind), and you are encouraged and expected to DANCE. If you don’t fit those two criteria, stay home, be a breeder, and sit. I don’t fucking care. DJ Amateur Youth presiding, a huge $3 cover, so bring your second-cheapest date. Also at 1021 East Pike.

SATURDAY!
We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Happy Valentine’s Day Week, cheap queer! Dive in! Try not to choke on it!