1. "California Gurls" by Katy Perry feat. Snoop Dogg
It's hard to believe—the news being what it is right now—that this is the number one song in the country. It opens with Ms. Perry, whom I've never heard of (no surprise there), informing us that she knows a place "where there's something in the water."
Wait, let me guess: Is it oil? Burning rigs? Dead pelicans?
Nope. The song is about Southern California, not the Gulf Coast—yes, it's another wish-they-all-could-be homage-off to the state where the "girls wear Daisy Dukes with bikinis on top" and have "sex on the beach" with "their butts hanging out."
The white girl sings, the music producer equalizes, the Snoop Dogg raps, the inevitable Auto-Tune Auto-Tunes, and I sit here wishing I hadn't agreed to do this.
Nine more songs to get through. Holy Christ.
Not only has Dan never heard of Katy "faux lesbianism for hetero-normative pop kicks" Perry, he also doesn't recognize Snoop Dogg's distinctive drawl (an early version of the story, presumably written without reference to the song info, referred to Snoop as "the unnamed black guy"). It's like having a wickedly funny Martian review the Earth's Top 10 songs. Only with a deep love and knowledge of musical theater! And he actually LIKES ONE OF THE SONGS! Find out which one HERE.