A couple people have asked me today, "Nips, what gives? Why didn't you hang out this weekend? Don'tcha like to party, brah?!!" Um, I like to hang out and all that...but as for not attending the CHBP, well, I have three good reasons.

One, I have adult things to do on my weekends, I have no time for "leisure" activities, no rest for the wicked and all that. Like, I have CHORES, y'all. Carpentering and yard stuff...you know, bullshit like YOUR DAD did/does. It sucks, I admit, I'd rather be face down ass up DRUNK pushing up on YOUR girlfriend while you're in line at the porta-potty...but NOPE I'm home doin' shit that has gotta get done.

Two, no Kathleen Wilson in the dunk tank. God bless her.

Three, I'm a random CHBP VULVA MAGNET. It's true... I swear. Now, before you start screaming, "GAH, you're fucking shy about getting hella FREE BEAVER SHOTS?!"... for the record, I am a huge, HUGE fan of vulvas (a massive fan, really), but CHBP vulvus tend to SNEAK UP ON ME and THEN GIVE ME A WINK. Shockingly so... like "BOO MOTHERFUCKER?! Gotcha!!!" I think the vulvas seek me out like prey. These are FERAL VULVAS, so... I kinda feel like there is an odd THREAT. I'd feel equally as violated if I saw random CHBP ding-dongs (I'm careful walking up the stairs behind Bo Odessey at the Value Village, as I don't want an upskirt from him)... BUT as I only seem to get the "vulva" I don't think I'm a CHBP ding-dong magnet. If I had ASKED to see these vulvas THEN I'd expect a possible hilarious/courteous WHIPPIN' of "IT" OUT, but I never ever ask so...um...I think it's kinda weird that every time I've been to CHBP, at some point, I get a full on wink or two.

And thats why I don't, CAN'T, attend the CHBP—cause I get a show of a different kind.