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Monday, November 15, 2010
Politics Caperin’: Reverse Thunderdome
Posted by Derek Erdman on Mon, Nov 15, 2010 at 9:33 AM
Three days ago at the Albertson’s in Burien I encountered some “derby girls” in the pasta aisle. At first I didn’t pay them much mind as I was looking for the best price of brown rice, but I couldn’t help overhearing their conversation as they were basically hollering. One exclaimed that her current boyfriend wasn’t fixing the brakes on her car fast enough and the other cut right to the chase and offered advice that the boyfriend should be dropped like Little Boy from the Enola Gay. It was at that moment that it struck me: ROLLER DERBY IS AWFUL.
- DIY VS. YDIFMI (You do it for me instead)
Less than a minute later I found myself digging through a mound of celery when the sand-papery voice of Tom Waits stumbled drunkenly from the grocery store speaker system. It was some song off of some record that romanticized chemical dependence and irresponsibility and again I was struck: TOM WAITS IS ALSO AWFUL.
- Why the long face, Tom Waits?
There are a number of things in the world that are undeniably terrible (to rational people): famine, cancer, racism, Jim Morrison, Jim Morrison’s poetry, people who give “devil horns”, Pol Pot, pestilence, the photo of Johnny Cash flipping off the camera at San Quentin, tidal waves, Bob Marley tapestries, cowboy boots worn with skirts, the state of Alabama, Taco Time, roller derby, and Tom Waits. But what really is worse? Tom Waits or roller derby? Not being able to suss it out myself, I asked a number of people what they thought:
Lanny Oswalt: Tom Waits for sure.
Jill Richardson: That's not a fair question. But if I absolutely had to choose, Tom Waits. Ouch.
Sarah Dandelles: Roller derby. But not roller SKATING.
Betty Bair: Roller Derby - ugh!
Shannon Perry: Roller skating rules!
Kristie Alshaibi: Since Tom Waits is nowhere near bad, he can't be worse.
Norah Utley: That's a hard one. I find them equally irritating.
Aadam Jacobs: Waits is worse because he's not a contact sport.
David Hoffner: A roller derby girl named Tom-boy Waits. And knowing roller derby girls she probably looks and sounds just like Tom Waits too.
Dave Depper: Tom Waits is way worse than Roller Derby.
Lacey Swain: I would puke on either one.
Sara Beabout: TOM WAITS!!!!!!!!! The worst for sure.
Sarah Gardiner: Finally. Let's hate Waits together
Lisa G. French: Tom Waits for sure.
Suzie Strait: I cannot believe this conversation is happening! Is it opposite day (only regarding Tom Waits)? Tom Waits is incredible. The best. Totally by coincidence, I listened to Raindogs two and a half times today. I was even going to comment about how perfect that album is on a day like today. Jeeeeezus!
Derek Erdman: Suzie, I regret to inform you that Tom Waits is awful.
Sam Sawyer: Waits is way better because roller derby is tedious to even have to hear about.
Stephanie Christian: Roller Derby, but close!
Shannon Nicole Kringen: Roller Derby. I love Tom Waits!
Joey Lindsey: Waits and Roller Derby are about the same as anything else; they cause some people joy and others sorrow. All fans of both are going to die. Morrissey still won't show up in the middle of the night to stroke your hair and tell you nice things, and if he did you'd just get creeped and not be able to enjoy it.
Tiffany Morris: Morrissey sang me a lullaby last night, but he's fat now and hogged the entire bed.
Kerry Anne Kronke: For the record, I doubt anyone can convince me roller derby is worse than Tom Waits.
Bart Bradfield: Tom Waits.
OK, WELL. Here we have a bunch of people who can’t decide which of these two things are more awful.
DISCLAIMER: At this point, if you a strident fan of either Tom Waits or roller derby, please stop reading here.
It seems to me that the problem may not be Tom Waits or roller derby. It may be the fans of Tom Waits or (and) roller derby.
- Jen Ettlewarts & Charles Womanson
Like the Grateful Dead of the late 1980s & early 1990s, Tom Waits and roller derby have nurtured an absolutely execrable following. It cannot be argued that Tom Waits is the progenitor of the down & out poet, journal scribbling in a greasy spoon at 4:30am while drinking an endless cup of coffee with an “ass flask” (ew) of Canadian Club taking breaks to smoke unfiltered Pall Malls and shake dandruff off of his (or, uh, her) head from under a pork-pie hat. Here’s a batch of people that strive to be absentee parents and talk a whole lot about what they create without creating very much at all. You may run into them when they contact you out-of-the-blue after 12 years, asking to stay at your house while they’re “traveling,” and you have to make up a family death in order to get them to leave after they spend 18 days of sleeping on your couch. I should know, it’s happened to me, AND THEY DON’T BELIEVE IN DOING DISHES.
- Tom Waits for no man.
Roller derby is directly responsible for the cultural saturation of beer in cans, shoddy things at craft fairs, the continued presence of coin purses made of leopard print and uninsured motorists. Red streaks peeking through dyed black hair, nearly any garment with a patch featuring a skull, loud conversation in grocery store aisles, ETC.
- PVT Gross Privates & I.M. Diana Cancer
- Camille Toe
AWESOME SHOWS (+PARTIES) FROM THE LAST WEEK THAT YOU MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE MISSED: Flexions at Funhouse, Pharmacy at the CMRTYZ warehouse showcase, Kurt Vile at Neumos, James & Heather’s Four Loko karaoke anniversary jam. AWESOME SHOW IN THE NEXT WEEK THAT YOU SHOULD NOT MISS: Circle Pit, Idle Times, Diver Down & Sea Pony at Funhouse on Monday the 15th.
ALSO, Ruben Mendez & I will be playing records at the Pony on Thursday. It’s going to be a whole lot like TECH NOIR from Terminator. We’re playing mostly Whitehouse, Throbbing Gristle, Ron Hardy, NON, Chicago House, Disco, Swans, Missing Foundations, etc. We’re giving away porno magazines as well. It's called DIFFICULT MUSIC FOR EASY PEOPLE.
- 11/18: Audio Asphyxiation
IN OTHER NEWS:
I opened a psychic barber shop:
- No need for an appointment, I know when you're coming.
I found a letter with a non-canceled Inverted Jenny stamp:
- Well, look at me and all of this philately.
MAN I LOVE GUMMI BEARS:
- I love candy horse hooves & bones.
Good luck with life,
Derek Erdman
PS. I was just really kidding about Tom Waits and roller derby. I don’t really care about anything.
PPS: ADMIRE THIS MANIAC TEACH YOU HOW TO MAKE SWEET TEA:
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that would kind of rule if he did though.
Please continue blogging, "DJ-ing", and tracing your "cartoons." You have found the perfect repository for your abilities.
I get it though, the 80's are in right now. I find it far worse going being in cafes that play Hal & Oats or any other Casey Kasem malarky that I had to listen to in my dad's car as a kid. But I'm out of touch.
the cultural saturation of beer in cans > The idea that beer in cans stays fresher and tastes better, and is less likely to be damaged by external influences. Most good breweries / beers (see:Fat tire's Ranger IPA) are pushing for a can revolution. The only benefit of bottles over cans is that they hold cold a little longer, so transportation can be less refrigerated.
shoddy things at craft fairs > That's more of an etsy / ebay / internet thing. People believing that they can craft crap and sell it for a lot of money is not at all derby related.
the continued presence of coin purses made of leopard print > see above
and uninsured motorists > Immigrants
Red streaks peeking through dyed black hair > All things that have or could have been described as "indie rock," and hot topic
nearly any garment with a patch featuring a skull > Hot Topic.
loud conversation in grocery store aisles > Bad Parenting.
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Getting sued by Candlebox is probably even worse.
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/straight/gay/transgendered/democrat/republican/teacher/stay-at-home-mom
/computer tech/doctor/nurse/librarian/author/housekeeper (And I'm leaving a lot out). Your cookie cutter crap about a sub-culture shows your lack of journalistic integrity as well as your lack of knowledge on what roller derby is other than the loud tattooed chick in your mind (and apparently in your grocery store). I challenge you to tell a skater from the Oly Rollers (Women's Flat Track Derby Association (Wftda)'s 2009 Champion, and 2010 2nd place (That's in all of the US and Canada btw) exactly how you feel about Roller Derby and make it sound like you're more than a stuck up holier than thou writer in a genre that is dying (because of crap articles like this).
You probably haven't lived here long enough to know that the talking loudly to be overheard in public thing is maybe a Seattle thing that happens everywhere out here.
Tom Waites tends to have a lot of awful, immature male fans in their 40s whose hobbies include Erotic Art shows, animal-free circuses, and hitting on their 25-year-old coworkers. So they are the worst. Plus, his voice is hard to listen to in that Diane Rehms way. It sounds like it is painful for him to even talk.
Also, two stupid people in a super market saying dumb things about how their man should fix their car does not make an entire awesome sport bad.
Here is to loving Roller Derby, Tom Waits and the Stranger, but not the idiot who wrote this article
Classic. Roller girls are portrayed as tough butch lesbian hipsters, and then when they rail against a forced stereotype by jackass writers who can't even let a passing song in a store go they get accused of not being tough enough. Which is it, are they tough as nails bitches or are they delicate flowers? Or are they people who are trying to follow their passion, take skating to the next level and trying to cultivate a women's sport? If you don't like it, that's fine, but at least I hope the Stranger realizes they are paying advertisers and probably don't take kindly to being stereotyped by some depressed lonely transplant.
Either way, Erdman's posts have been garbage ever since he moved here. His analogies are forced and nonsensical, and the greater themes he strives for are pathetic rants/raves that belong in a bathroom stall.
Also, two stupid people in a super market saying dumb things about how their man should fix their car does not make an entire awesome sport bad.
Here is to loving Roller Derby, Tom Waits and the Stranger, but not the idiot who wrote this article
I lived in Austin for the years when Derby was up and coming, the big new thing. By now, i'm sick of it. The girls, lots of times, seemed too wrapped up in their derby identity and tried so hard to be "rough and tumble party girls with a soft side" but just sort of wound up looking like one step above white trash burnouts. Don't get me wrong, a very good friend of mine was highly active in the derby scene and she was super sweet and intelligent, her team were a bunch of moms and knitters/crafty types who loved to bake when not smashing into each other, but the majority (and she even confirmed this) of the girls on the other teams were just drunks with low self esteem.
Regardless, derby is worse...from my experience. For me, derby paled even the most abusive high school cliques I experienced. I founded a league, left said league for reasons I will still not divuldge so as not to increminate (well, that and because the rumors I have heard are far more entertaining than reality), yet I am blacklisted from derby for VOLUNTARILY leaving MY OWN LEAGUE without any disciplinary actions against me. Mind you, several other skaters who were disciplined and terminated via a majority vote by multiple leagues are welcomed in to new leagues with open arms, apparently though my quitting is far worse than abusing my fellow skaters. That one to this day perplexes me....
Yes I've seen amazing things happen for a many many skaters, and it's not all negative, I have met some really great people that I have kept in my post derby life, but overall it was not a good experience for me. Now to get the league tattoos removed....
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Still, I've met a lot of different "types" of folks who like Tom Waits (ages, gender, income, race, etc) than Roller Derby. Therefore, it's probably a more trenchant cultural observation to make a huge, sweeping comment about the 'derb.
Also, Tom Waits isn't the best singer ever, but he's one hell of a good songwriter.
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http://www.examiner.com/roller-derby-in-…
Susan Faludi's recent article in Harper's, "American Electra," made me fucking embarrassed for the young, so-called feminist movement.
Jesus, and people make fun of NASCAR!
P.S. all the men who hang around these twats hoping for a sympathy fuck, you're just as pathetic :)
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This is incredible.
I had no idea how much vitriol Sloggers had towards rollerderby.
http://imgur.com/vwaaA.jpg
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I'm an asshole hipster who takes myself to seriously and thinks very highly of myself. I don't like anything except what my friends tell me to like and PBR. I write articles on the Slog which is basically a place for whiny bitches to vomit out opinions about shit no one wants to hear their opinion on. Blah blah blah I suck blah blah blah blah. If you know nothing about roller derby (or Tom Waits) then you should probably just shut the fuck up. You shouldn't generalize a whole sport and the men & women who love it over a fucking jokey conversation you overheard in a grocery isle. Instead you should remove the stick out of your ass and go to a fucking game and see what it's all about. Talk to the girls to understand how hard they work at this shit and how much money, time, blood, sweat, tears, broken bones, torn ligaments go into each and every bout. And they do it for the love of the sport, not so losers can talk shit about something they don't understand. Oh yes, and if you can't tell the difference between something you don't like/ don't understand, then ... you should probably just shut the fuck up :D
Would Tom Waits ever be one of those guys? I prefer not to think about that question.
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Ingredients:
3 or 4 ripe bananas, smashed (I prefer 4)
1/3 cup melted butter
1 cup sugar (can easily reduce to 3/4 cup) (but best at 1)
1 egg, beaten
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon baking soda
Pinch of salt
1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour
Method:
No need for a mixer for this recipe. Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C). With a wooden spoon, mix butter into the mashed bananas in a large mixing bowl. Mix in the sugar, egg, and vanilla. Sprinkle the baking soda and salt over the mixture and mix in. Add the flour last, mix. Pour mixture into a buttered 4x8 inch loaf pan. Bake for 1 hour. Cool on a rack. Remove from pan and slice to serve.
http://www.examiner.com/roller-derby-in-…
P.S. Derek thanks for the recipe but may I suggest that you add applesauce rather than butter?
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