Poor John Adams. He was perfectly equipped to be the first President of the United States. He was smart, he was courageous, and he was passionate about America. Instead, what does he get? Sloppy seconds. Old number two. Sure, he becomes fashionable for a couple years every once in a while, but even then, he gets Paul Giamatti starring as him in the HBO miniseries. He's a schlub.

So it's good that his song, "Adams and Liberty," is motherfucking hardcore. It's sung to the tune of an old British drinking song that is now known just about exclusively in the U.S. as "The Star Spangled Banner," and it basically contextualizes America in the scope of world history. ("With the glory of Rome, and the wisdom of Greece/And ne'er shall the sons of Columbia be slaves/While the earth bears a plant, or the sea rolls its waves.") It's about fighting pirates and being cooler than Europe and how France's "huge limbs" bathe "recumbent in blood." Awesome! There's even a 300 tie-in.

But then in the penultimate verse, Old Number One sticks his face in and the song becomes about how George Washington will kick everyone's ass. (He'll "...repulse, with his Breast, the assaults of the thunder!/His sword, from the sleep/Of its scabbard would leap,/And conduct, with its point, ev'ry flash to the deep!") By the time the song gets to John Adams in the last verse, it's highly complimentary about his genius, but he still pales next to the godlike colossus that is Washington: "[America's] pride is her Adams; Her laws are his choice, And shall flourish, till Liberty slumbers for ever. " Poor schmuck. Always number two.

Lyrics: 8.5
Enthusiasm: 3
Infectiousness: 6
Total Score: 5.83