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Monday, January 24, 2011

White House Music! That's How You Sell a Guy

Posted by Paul Constant on Mon, Jan 24, 2011 at 4:11 PM

(This is part of an ongoing series rating presidential campaign songs, in rough chronological order. You can find all the previous entries here.)

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James Monroe was the last Founding Father to serve as president. He's the originator of the Monroe Doctrine, which was arguably the first step in the "America—Fuck Yeah!" school of foreign policy. (Also: Because every president has his secret shame: Florida is Monroe's fault.) And his campaign song is awesome.

What "Monroe Is the Man"—that title!—lacks in blood and thunder when compared to previous campaign songs, it more than makes up for in selling the candidate to us. The last verse and chorus of the song are exactly what a good presidential song should be:

Who cares not for office, nor power, or place,
whose merits and virtues the highest would race.
Whose country is his idol, her good all his care
And in terrible times who did never despair.

In peace and in war—who can act, who can plan
MONROE—yes MONROE—he indeed is the man
In peace and in war—who can act, who can plan
MONROE—yes MONROE—he indeed is the man

While the song could stand to be a little zippier, it's got whistling, which more than makes up for the swaying tempo. Good fucking work, Monroe. You're the man. But you knew that already.

Lyrics: 9
Enthusiasm: 9.5
Infectiousness: 8.5
Total Score: 9