In the last week or so, we've seen a lot of different presidential campaign songs. We've seen some that suggest their candidate is the embodiment of America. We've seen some that suggest he's the most capable man for the job, or that he's capable of single-handedly defeating every single enemy army, if need be. But we haven't seen one yet that deals strictly in craven fear.

Enter John Quincy Adams.

Consider what it must've been like to live in America in the middle of the 1820s. Monroe, the last president to be a Founding Father, was leaving office. The party system was collapsing. Nobody was sure what was going to happen to the United States. Get a load of this song, "Little Know Ye Who's Comin'":

Little know ye who's comin',
Little know ye who's comin',
Little know ye who's comin',
If John Quincy not be comin'!

Fire's comin', swords are comin',
Pistols, guns, and knives are comin',
Famine's comin', banning's comin',
If John Quincy not be comin'!

Put simply: If you do not elect John Quincy Adams for president, your nation will fall to famine, war, fire, and crime. It gets even more over the top with the final lead-in to the chorus: "Fears are comin', tears are comin', Plague and pestilence is comin', Hatin's comin', Satan's comin', If John Quincy not be comin'."

The weirdest thing about this weird song is that John Quincy Adams didn't lead the nation on a platform of fear. He oversaw economic growth, and he grew to detest slavery while in office. He was conservative, but he helped modernize America for the times. He was viewed as a failed president at the end of his single term, but that's mostly because (people say now) he was almost too smart for the job (case in point: according to Wikipedia, he was sworn in on a law book instead of the Bible because he was a big believer in separation of church and state). In fact, using a little more fear might have made him a more successful president.

To return to the music: This is by no means a responsible campaign song, but it is a hugely effective one, playing on fear with a catchy beat. It could practically be George W. Bush or Rudy Giuliani's campaign song with very few changes. And it would probably work, too.

Lyrics: 9
Enthusiasm: 7
Infectiousness: 5
Total Score: 7