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Friday, January 28, 2011

Dept. of Corrections What Percentage of Male Pee Actually Makes It Into the Toilet or Urinal?

Posted by Trent Moorman on Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 12:35 PM

A Long Way Down

Seems like lately, there has been more and more pee on the floor in the men’s room. The other night at a show, I went to the bathroom, and it was clear that some dude had pee’d, and had completely missed the toilet for the duration of his pee. Maybe he was texting, maybe he was concentrating on his beer, maybe his eyes were closed, because not a single drop of his pee could have made it into the toilet. Maybe he was seeing triple, and thought he was peeing into a toilet.

Sometimes, it’s hard. There are challenges. Sometimes pee surges out. Slight misses happen, a drop here or there is OK. Alcohol transforms the urinal or toilet into a moving target. Taller guys have farther to aim. Sometimes, aiming is simply too difficult.

Sometimes (subconsciously), the male species misses toilets and urinals on purpose, as a marking of the territory. When there are potential mates in the vicinity, the male animalistic brain feels a need to spread scent.

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75-100% captures it, I think, but I don't think anyone thinks it's actually 100%. Maybe 75-90%?

Posted by carnivorous chicken on January 28, 2011 at 12:41 PM

i think the percentage is inversely proportionate to the price of drinks at said establishment.

Posted by alithea on January 28, 2011 at 12:43 PM

Grant Brissey subconsciously misses toilets and urinals on purpose.

Posted by Trent Moorman on January 28, 2011 at 12:45 PM

I think it is getting worse because the men's bathroom is the last male domain, the final "Wild West" of society if you will. I think the amount of pee on the floor is proportional to the amount of regimented structure there is in society. In a world of laws, pee is all we have left.

Posted by cosby

on January 28, 2011 at 12:59 PM

I feel sorry for whoever had to clean up the bathroom in that picture.

Posted by Dammmm on January 28, 2011 at 1:01 PM

Cosby, that is beautiful.

"In a world of laws, pee is all we have left."

When we pee tonight, let's all pee with an attempt to aim.

Posted by Trent Moorman on January 28, 2011 at 1:07 PM

"Sometimes, it’s hard." thats why I miss.

Posted by nipper on January 28, 2011 at 1:28 PM

@7 ... thats what she said.

Posted by alithea on January 28, 2011 at 2:07 PM

Based on the amount of pee that makes it into the toilet where I work (NOT a bar, no alcohol there at all) I'm gonna go with HARDLY ANY.

Posted by bella

on January 28, 2011 at 2:40 PM

A marking of the territory, huh?

Posted by Jackal on January 28, 2011 at 2:40 PM

Here's how I would clean a bathroom like this if I had to (never had to, hope I never will):

Slip into dedicated hip waders, get loose trash with long-handled broom and dustpan, dedicated mop and bucket of Mint Quat, start high and work lower (sink faucets, sink, flush handle, seat, bowl, lower 3 feet of wall, floor); 5 minutes tops. Same mop tomorrow; fresh Mint Quat if you're lucky.

Want to bet anybody does it differently?

Posted by rob!

on January 28, 2011 at 2:43 PM

Depends on my B.A.C.

Posted by seattlestew on January 28, 2011 at 2:50 PM

As a side note, many men are reluctant to put their hand on the flush valve of a toilet or urinal, knowing that any who have before were just holding their privates. At my place of employment I feel no such qualms, however, since it's quite evident that I'm the first user of the facility to even attempt to do so.

Posted by Missed Off on January 28, 2011 at 2:51 PM

Is just sitting down to pee totally out of the question, guys?

Posted by Heather on January 28, 2011 at 3:01 PM

@13:
I always kick the flush handle in grotty bar restrooms. Always. Using your hand is for suckers.

Posted by cosby

on January 28, 2011 at 3:02 PM

"We aim to please. You aim too, please"

Posted by Aaron on January 28, 2011 at 3:05 PM

I'm so drunk right now I can barely get my mouse to hit the little voting hole on the screen. How do you expect my pee to make it in the toilet?

Posted by Trutalkin on January 28, 2011 at 3:15 PM

@14, yes.

If you think the pictured toilet is nasty, can you imagine sliding your pants down and sitting on it? I don't think so. Far better to unzip and stand as far away from it as possible.

Posted by Reverse Polarity on January 28, 2011 at 3:17 PM

As a guy I like to sit down to pee when at home or at a place I can tell that there is no pee already on the floor/covering the toilet.

Mostly I use my foot to operate the flush or if I have to use my hand I damn well make sure I wash. 90% or more I always make it and if a little gets splashed especially on a toilet I try to wipe it up.

I want a "Didn't Wash Hands" alarm like in the far side cartoon

http://www.google.com/images?client=safa…

Posted by Simone on January 28, 2011 at 3:19 PM

Sometimes the meatus gets stuck with dried pre-cum and it's like turning on the hose with a finger over the end. Sometimes it's a partial erection, like in the middle of the night, that can make aiming difficult. But you have to admit, it's a small target, really. And men didn't evolve aiming at toilets.

Posted by Vince on January 28, 2011 at 3:32 PM

Depends on if you mean percent of total splatter zone or percent of liquid volume.

The drunker you get the more you miss.

The more you miss the drunker you get.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on January 28, 2011 at 3:45 PM

In scuzzy bars the women's washroom can get pretty bad, too. Since it's so dirty, no one wants to sit on the seat, so you have a bunch of drunk girls squatting and hovering. So, if she's swaying, she'll end up hitting the seat and the bowl equally, and the stuff that hits the seat may equally end up dripping on the floor and in the bowl.

Posted by Canadian Nurse on January 28, 2011 at 4:03 PM

@19, that was brave of you, so I'll come out and join you, although it's LineOut so who gives a fuck.

If you (generic dude) let fly at the bowl from standing height, even if you make no obvious splashes on the rim or the seat, you create an invisible aerosol mist that covers everything nearby. If there's an air-extraction vent over each toilet to suck out the poop smell, that aerosol gets pulled right up the front of your clothes. This is why it's stupid to have a fully carpeted bathroom. Even if you wash the fixtures every day, your bathroom will still smell like an alley off Skid Row eventually.

Doing infectious-disease research can kind of fuck up your life, I will fully admit. The bursting of one invisible bubble in one well of a microtiter plate can aerosolize enough DNA/RNA to contaminate adjacent wells and muck up your DNA/RNA amplification assay. If I spiked the toilet bowl with a microliter of cauliflower mosaic virus DNA just before you pissed in it, I guarantee I could detect it on your shirt collar or swabs from your nose hairs five minutes later.

That said, I don't obsess about this stuff in daily life, because we are equipped with excellent immune systems, and they often function better if we're not super-hygienic.

Posted by rob!

on January 28, 2011 at 4:04 PM

when you say urinal, are we counting sinks too?

Posted by Josh Bomb

on January 28, 2011 at 4:04 PM

@22 Not just bars, my dear. I work in an upscale mall in Chicago, and apparently the women there are too good to touch ass to seat. The spray. Oh god, the spray.

Posted by Delishuss on January 28, 2011 at 4:06 PM

And then there's the trough. Always splashback from the trough. Sometimes we men figure that if our waste disposal facilities are made for zoo animals then we'll damn well piss like zoo animals.

Posted by throxus on January 28, 2011 at 4:14 PM

Well, I know what the percentage is at home... And BTW, if you're at home peeing in (or around) your own toilet, why can't you WIPE UP THE DAMN FLOOR when you miss? Why just flush and shuffle away? WHY WHY WHY?

(Can you tell that 'boy pee missing toilet' is a hot button with me right now? I thought you could.)

/rant

Posted by merry on January 28, 2011 at 4:23 PM

@19 and @23 nailed it. My sons bathroom looks and smells like a Paris train station. I always sit down to pee. Why not? Oh, yeah, my mom told me when I was a kid only girls did that. Still totally straight, mostly.

Posted by towhee on January 28, 2011 at 4:27 PM

The floor around the urinal at my work doesn't look much different than the photo (minus the beer cups and TP detritus) and the janitors mop up 2x/day. Aerosol and splash-back become a much bigger problem when you have more than 1-2 guys sharing a bathroom. There isn't much you can do to avoid it, short of sitting down, and while I'm not 100% clear how the mechanics of pissing work for women, guys don't have the luxury of squatting/hovering and aiming. It's either stand/aim/hope for the best, or sit directly on the seat.

Posted by blip on January 28, 2011 at 4:50 PM

Fill this glass.

Posted by Baconcat on January 28, 2011 at 6:33 PM

I'm pee shy, so I avoid urinals and use (and wait for) a stall to sit down. I never miss.

Posted by raindrop on January 28, 2011 at 8:25 PM

The Man of the Household was annoyed because he hit his own socks. Ha ha!

Posted by beelzebufo on January 29, 2011 at 11:43 AM

@23. Rob, you just blew my mind. Thank you.

Also, yes and yes to the theory that we have to "exercise" our immune system in a way, and the natural environment is the best way to do that.

Posted by Sandiai on January 29, 2011 at 7:57 PM