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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Bieber Fever Psychic on Aurora Predicts Bieber's Future

Posted by Trent Moorman on Tue, Feb 22, 2011 at 1:00 PM

At sunrise, they will exit the mini van, and attempt to go about their day like nothing happened.

At sunrise, they will exit the mini van, and attempt to go about their day like nothing happened.

Justin Bieber will smoke crack in a mini van with tinted windows behind a 7-11 in Oakland, CA. Then he will receive a hand job from a male prostitute who he thinks is a woman. Bieber will be fifty-two years old, it will be August, and Jupiter will be in retrograde. The hand job will cost him forty dollars. There will be one male onlooker in the van with a spear pierced septum, also high on the crack substance. Earlier in the night, Bieber will have consumed half a bottle of 100 proof Rumple Minze Schnapps, and because of this, he will be unable to reach orgasm. The prostitute will perform on Bieber until he chafes. Bieber will wince in pain, ask her/him to stop, they will smoke more crack, and then they will listen to 311 until the sun comes up.

Sadly, this has been foreseen, by a psychic palm reader on Aurora Ave. named Naomi.

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Comments (9) RSS

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The scariest part about this vision is that people will still listen to 311 in the future.

Posted by cosby

on February 22, 2011 at 1:04 PM

Yes. It is scary. But at least they will be people high on crack.

Posted by Trent Moorman on February 22, 2011 at 1:06 PM

Trent, your usage of tenses is incredible.

Posted by Belieber on February 22, 2011 at 1:22 PM

How much did you pay to have Bieber's fortune told?

Posted by and also on February 22, 2011 at 1:24 PM

Now this...this I can get behind.

Posted by Casual_Observer on February 22, 2011 at 1:43 PM

I paid $7.50. Handjob not included.

Posted by Trent Moorman on February 22, 2011 at 1:51 PM

Casual Observer, yes!

Posted by Trent Moorman on February 22, 2011 at 1:53 PM

Who can't get behind some good ol fashioned crack smoking?

Posted by Because I sure can on February 22, 2011 at 2:28 PM

Sadly, this has been foreseen. I got my palm read by one those psychics but she charged me $20. You must have had a discount? My palm reading was pretty dead on btw.

Posted by Anna Anna Anna on February 22, 2011 at 7:29 PM