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CPRN' SXSW 2011 WRAP UP: I've never been to a "South By" as "sweet" as this one. Having a respite from Drizzleville is such a welcome thing in the dismal month of March. Alas, the Lone Star State offered up mountains of anti-grunge in the shape of solar rayz, tube dresses, breakfast tacos, tacos, BBQ, and a bunch of music showcases presented by clothing companies. Honestly, the whole week was a welcome blur. I can assure you though, when I was watching Thee Oh Sees for the 15th time playing in the back seat of a 1984 Toyota Tercel to me and 437 other people, that's a memory that will be forever etched on my brain-frame. Well, that and when Travis Ritter and I snorted urine off of a person (gender?) who was passed out (dead?) in front of the Arby's on South Congress where Moby was working the counter selling Big Beef 'n Cheddars—geez, I can hardly even contain myself to type the words. I would include a bunch of pictures but they would just be pictures of other people taking pictures with their phones, so I'll go ahead and skip it.

Teenagers must be destroyed.
  • Teenagers must be destroyed.

MUCH MORE AFTER THE JUMP, NATCH. (Unless you are hot-linked, then there is no jump, but you don't care about anything.)

Knut is a problem bear who has become addicted to human beings, Peter Arras said.
  • "Knut is a problem bear who has become addicted to human beings," Peter Arras said.

Did you hear the absolutely terrible KNEWS? Knut the polar bear died last Saturday. Even though German zooligist Peter Arras described Knut as, "a psychopath that will never mate," people all over the world were in agony with grief. Do you know who else might be a psychopath who should never mate? Kevin Federline!

PopoZão! PopoZão! PopoZão! PopoZão! PopoZão!
  • PopoZão! PopoZão! PopoZão! PopoZão! PopoZão!

Today is Kevin Federline's birthday. I'm really excited for the day when the children of the generation that K-Fed invented are all growed up and working in banks, etc. I'll be old then, and I'll go in to make a deposit or withdrawal and they'll most likely respond, "Fuck you, old man! Have a nice day!" Then they will punch me in the face and that would actually be a polite greeting because things in the future are going to be terrible, believe me.

Born Judith Darlene Hampton on March 16, 1946.
  • Born Judith Darlene Hampton on March 16, 1946.

Speaking of not making sense, have you ever seen J.Z. Knight channel Ramtha? In 1977, a 35,000-year-old man appeared to a woman in a trailer park (no offense intended, I'm a classist myself) and told her that he could "help her over the ditch" (!) and now appears on a regular basis through this woman who has been married six times. Being married six times is a really good thing; it means you're trying! J.Z. Knight lives in a 12,800-square-foot French chateau-style home in Yelm, WA.

THANK GOD FOR The Conet Project: Recordings of Shortwave Numbers Stations
  • THANK GOD FOR The Conet Project: Recordings of Shortwave Numbers Stations

A few weeks ago, Lacey & Ruben & I were watching the Wilco documentary I Am Trying To Break Your Heart and I think we all very much enjoyed it. I've never really listened to this band, save for the song "Heavy Metal Drummer," which seems pretty good. Last week, Susan Rae Miller Tweedy wrote to tell me that she liked my drawings and asked if I would contribute a T-shirt design to an upcoming benefit for the blind. Before I could answer, I received an email from a high school girlfriend whom I was an absolute asshole to. I somehow remembered that she was a Wilco fan, so I designed a T-shirt of a pile of 1972 Volkswagen Beetles and was offered tickets to the benefit show, which I then presented to said ex-girlfriend! I am telling you this story to tell you that it is possible to undo a horrible wrong from your past with some effort. Don't be a jerk, that's for jerks!

Not Yellow / Yellow.
  • Not Yellow / Yellow.

Last week I gave away a bunch of Caperin' buttons for free to people who would sign a contact stating that they would never again eat at Smarty Pants Sandwich Shack. I received well over 40 replies (a triumph!), but I'd like to take this time to apologize to Smarty Pants Sandwich Shack for being so mean. What I said about them was absolutely inappropriate and uncalled for, and if there were such things as olive branches in Georgetown, I'd have the roller-derbying girlfriend of a tattoo artist hoist me on her shoulders to yank one down to offer it to them.*

Where the sidewalk ends in South Park.
  • Where the sidewalk ends in South Park.

Having an affair? Affairs are gross!
  • Having an affair? Affairs are gross!

I have been spending most of my time lately in a basement making paintings of Steve Pool, Julie Francavilla & crocodiles. I've also been listening to a lot of Stryper, and what a coincidence today is Stryper drummer Robert Sweet's birthday! Birthdays are the best and so is Robert Sweet, who did not play drums on Stryper's newest record, Murder by Pride. HOLY FUCK, "MURDER BY PRIDE"—WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

Heres a man who loves fruit roll ups.
  • Here's a man who loves fruit roll ups.

Honestly though (no joke) the whole point of this Caperin' was to introduce you to Dianetics 2: Back in the Habit. If you have a spare 7 minutes, listen to it RIGHT HERE. It makes so much sense to me.

Richard Warren Sears + Alvah Curtis Roebuck = $aving$.
  • Richard Warren Sears + Alvah Curtis Roebuck = $aving$.

*J/K, April Fool's Day in 12 days.

Thats Entertainment.
  • That's Entertainment.