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Friday, May 13, 2011

Crap / Interview My Teleconference With Yanni

Posted by Trent Moorman on Fri, May 13, 2011 at 11:38 AM

This morning, the morning of Friday the 13th, I had a teleconference with Yanni, the world renowned, multi-platinum, Grammy-nominated, Cheez Wiz clown-composer. I’m not kidding. Approximately two hours ago, I went to a location downtown, was lead into an office with three other people, and Yanni was Skyped on a 17-inch Macbook computer. In support of his newest album Truth of Touch, Yanni is doing “teleconferences.” I planned to get kicked out quickly. I’d ask him something about balls and touching their truth, or something about the Truth of Touching my balls.

I didn’t have it exactly worked out. All I knew is I wasn’t going to last long.

On the computer screen, Yanni looked tired. He was wearing a robe, drinking coffee, and he has over-manicured chest hair. He was in San Diego where he plays tonight. His hair is shorter, and his molester stache is gone. Whatever accent he has I think is fake. I don’t think he’s from Kalamata, Greece, I think he’s from Cleveland. The three people at the teleconference were allowed two questions each for Mr. Yanni, which we had to have ok’d beforehand. I said I was going to ask him about micing techniques for string sections, and something about where he was most looking forward to playing on this tour.

I was told I would ask my questions 2nd, so I had a few minutes to take it all in. The first guy began, “Blah, blah, blah.” Yanni is an extremely confident and cunningly cheesy man. He’s got this accent, and goes on about how much he likes his own album, and how it’s fun, and that this one’s something different, and how he was playing with the rhythms, and about new sound design. Everything he says, he’s said 1000 times before. Yanni really wants people to believe that he’s into what he’s doing. But I think it’s pretty obvious he’s just in it for the money. The guy is from Cleveland. The whole Greece thing is a terrible adult contemporary act. I know that he knows how mind-bogglingly cheesy it is. He may be fooling Republicans and the elderly, but there’s no way he actually thinks the music he’s making is good. Come on. And he knows that I know he’s being cheesy all the way to the bank, in Cleveland.

It came time for my questions too soon. I thought I would have a few more minutes to work out my thing about balls and truly touching them or whatever. But the first person was finished with their Yanni time and looked satisfied. My moment of Yanni was upon me. The agent in the room turned the computer toward me, signaled for me to go ahead, and Yanni smiled like he was a cartoon gopher. I froze. Went blank. I didn’t know what I was going to say. Yanni waited, sipping his mug (like someone from Cleveland would sip a mug). I felt like Ralphie in A Christmas Story when he finally gets to Santa, and forgets what to ask for.

Finally I said, “So your new album is called Truth of Touch… Have you ever gotten high and put your balls on a gerbil?” Totally not what I meant to say. I meant to say something witty about the Truth of Touching the Underside of My Balls. But I screwed it up. My heart was exploding, I was screwing up my Yanni ball-moment. I had been waiting weeks for this.

Yanni said, “Excuse me?” And with my second chance I said, “Have you ever done blow and put a gerbil in your fanny?” Which was not really what I meant to say either, but at this point, I was just firing off words. Then I said, “What is the truth behind Touching my Balls??”

With that, it was over. The agent pulled the firewire cable out of the computer and told me I needed to leave. He pulled the computer screen shut, and escorted me out of the building. We said nothing to each other. As I was walking out of the parking lot, I looked over my shoulder, and could see him standing inside the glass door laughing to himself. I can’t be the first person to have been thrown out of a Yanni interview, I mean teleconference.

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Comments (36) RSS

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Ha! That was lovely! I certainly hope you're not the last either.

Posted by the shape on May 13, 2011 at 12:29 PM

Lay off of Cleveland, guy.

Posted by derek_erdman

on May 13, 2011 at 12:37 PM

I'd ask him if he intentionally picked a name that also works as an adjective.

Posted by Snoozy on May 13, 2011 at 12:39 PM

You make me proud.

Posted by erly on May 13, 2011 at 12:40 PM

But I seriously think he's from Cleveland.

Posted by Trent Moorman on May 13, 2011 at 12:41 PM

Teleconferencing to a city you were in 2 weeks ago is extra lame. And yes, I'm sad I know when his Seattle show was.

Posted by sheschemes on May 13, 2011 at 12:49 PM

The appropriate way to frame the question is of coures "Mr Yanni, do you still spend your off days by snorting cocaine with a live gerbil in your anus."

Posted by kinaidos on May 13, 2011 at 12:51 PM

welp. this rules.

Posted by alithea on May 13, 2011 at 12:51 PM

If life imitated art he would have been wearing a wife-beater.

Posted by thatsnotright on May 13, 2011 at 12:51 PM

damn that is funny.

Posted by Keith Negley on May 13, 2011 at 12:55 PM

My dad used to watch / listen to Yanni LIve at the Acropolis several nights a week, for a year. He'll be excited to know there's a new album.

Posted by sikandro on May 13, 2011 at 1:02 PM

SCREAM. I heart you 4-ever, Trent.

Posted by Bethany Jean Clement on May 13, 2011 at 1:12 PM

fuck, I love you trent.

Posted by trentlover on May 13, 2011 at 1:15 PM

Poor Yanni, all he wants is your love and touch now and again. Is that too much to ask?

Posted by Sargon Bighorn on May 13, 2011 at 1:22 PM

In the late 90s, a friend of mine used to take pictures of Yanni and photoshop off his mustache. It was weird then and with the no-mustache Yanni existing IRL, it's still weird.

Also, dude made a career out of being a broke-ass Vangelis. There is something in that that is hard to hate.

Posted by cosby

on May 13, 2011 at 1:29 PM

I guess I'm in the minority here, because I don't see what's so funny or clever about this, it just seems like a real dickish thing to do. I don't have a problem with being a jerk to people who deserve it, but... Yanni?

I mean, it's not like I'm gonna buy any of his records, but it's not like the guy is Dick Cheney or John Yoo or Kim Jong-il. He's just a musician who makes music that Stranger-reading hipsters don't like.

Posted by Zeusifer on May 13, 2011 at 1:34 PM

my mom is from cleveland.

Posted by Max Solomon on May 13, 2011 at 1:40 PM

damn derek, I think Trent just out-humored you...

Posted by Andy_Squirrel on May 13, 2011 at 1:43 PM

Geez, the least he could have done was offer you a nice football.

Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on May 13, 2011 at 2:04 PM

I'm with 16. Not that I'm a Yanni fan by any means, but talk about low hanging fruit. Get a new schtick instead of coked-out Butthead jokes.

Posted by Casual_Observer on May 13, 2011 at 2:16 PM

haha "low hanging fruit"

Posted by i am stupid on May 13, 2011 at 2:29 PM

Ah, relax. It's only a dickish thing to do if he takes himself too seriously. Hopefully he knows how to roll with the punches and have a laugh at himself..

Posted by LittleSeattleObservationist on May 13, 2011 at 2:56 PM

what is a joke

Posted by pooop on May 13, 2011 at 4:12 PM

the image of trent moorman being dragged out of a room yelling "what is the truth behind touching my balls?" at Yanni is priceless.

Posted by sorry folks on May 13, 2011 at 5:03 PM

16, he's a man who's from Cleveland who says he's from Greece and talks in a fake accent about how much he likes his own music. And apparently he's a wife beater. And he's made some of the worst music the world has ever heard in my opinion. But I bet there's a Stranger reader somewhere who listens to Yanni.

Posted by Trent Moorman on May 13, 2011 at 5:30 PM

Dude, thank you. A million times. Thank you.

Posted by cursedjewell on May 13, 2011 at 10:07 PM

In your own special way, Trent, you're just as obnoxious as Yanni is.

Posted by Greenwood on May 13, 2011 at 10:20 PM

so there were 3 interviewers and you went second? but then they pulled the plug when you started ranting about balls and gerbils? and #3 was just sitting there, all bummed out that you ruined his big yanni interview moment?

Posted by cb on May 14, 2011 at 1:54 AM

not a teleconference, but my friends were once thrown out of a Yanni signing. they gave him an anti-drug pamphlet with the autograph request of "Dear Jesus, thank you for dying for my sins. -Yanni". he read the note, looked to his security and nodded and then my friends were manhandled out of the Tower Records.

Posted by LEE. on May 14, 2011 at 12:50 PM

28, don't you think they just dialed him back up on Skype? Not that tough to figure out.

Posted by Mieville on May 14, 2011 at 1:10 PM

holy shit... that was funny.

Posted by Nathan Chambers on May 14, 2011 at 5:43 PM

This was infinitely more entertaining than that Fleet Foxes bullshit y'all pulled a few weeks ago.

Posted by Grease Wizard on May 14, 2011 at 9:50 PM

There will be like a bazillion spas playing Truth of Touch worldwide, maybe the joke is on The Stranger. I agree, neo-Vengelis-like-cheez but its nothing to get unprofessional about:

http://hypem.com/#!/item/198f3/Yanni+-+T…

Growing up Yanni had a house close to ours, no complaints of domestic violence but I'm sure Trent did his research before wadding into The Strange-slander pool. Also, positivity is trendy, get hip to it - you didn't hear it from me.

Posted by Music Consumer on May 16, 2011 at 11:27 AM

33 - Trent is positive 9 times out of 10 in the things he writes. I suggest you do YOUR research. He's having some fun with fucking Yanni and you are bent out of shape? You are reading the wrong publication if messing with Yanni boils your blood.

Posted by Dumbass Police on May 16, 2011 at 7:19 PM