Tom Petty is the absolute worst. Whenever I hear his name, an image of him in an Alice In Wonderland hat forces itself onto my brain. It's the hat from the video for "Don't Come Around Here No More." That song is the absolute worst. Wait, can I just say that all of Tom Petty's songs are the absolute worst? I know it goes against the laws of language, but I can't help myself. Wait, okay, there are a few that are tolerable. My favorite Tom Petty moment is in Silence Of The Lambs when Catherine Martin is singing "American Girl" in her car before she nearly becomes skinless. What kind of car was she driving in that scene, a 1986 Ford Escort? Why was the daughter of a Senator driving such a car? Regardless, the use of that song in that movie is so good. And maybe six songs from Tom Petty's first three records are kind of passable, but it's all downhill from there. And the hill is really big. Like a triple Mount Rainier transfer station garbage mountain filled with toxic crumples like "Learning to Fly" and "Into the Great Wide Open". The thing is, people really like Tom Petty! Not how people feel about Bon Jovi, as in they're aware that they're dumb but can't deny the power of "Wanted Dead Or Alive". They really get behind Tom Petty, and seem to like him for real. I did my best to like Tom Petty for six hours yesterday. I listened to each of his records from 1985-2010. They made me so mad. I was so mad.

• Tom Petty: Maybe don't come around here no more (3-7-77).

And the videos! The video for "You Got Lucky," seriously. It is absolutely fucked. It's like some Mad Max future/past western hovercraft adventure. Then the band goes inside some kind of tent-shack and watch videos of themselves. At the same time we're treated to these brilliant lyrics: "You better watch what you say/You better watch what you do to me/Don't get carried away/Girl, if you can do better than me/Go...yeah, go".

I won't even mention the musical atrocity that is the Traveling Wilburys.

Two of my favorite people happen to be Tom Petty fans and wear it on their sleeves. One is the totally misunderstood: Shannon Kringen, who I believe is one of the purest human beings to ever exist. The other is all-around wily wild card & the Neil Peart of TacocaT, Lelah Maupin. I asked these two exemplary human beings what makes them think so highly of something so awful. First Lelah Maupin:

How long have you liked Tom Petty?
He's one of my earliest. Probably since I was 8 or 9.

What is your favorite Tom Petty song?
This is a really hard question. It's pretty much the entire second side of Full Moon Fever (minus "Alright For Now" and "A Mind With a Heart of It's Own," I just like those). I also love "The Waiting" and "A Thing About You" from Hard Promises. "The Waiting" was in an episode of The Simpsons where Homer is waiting to get a gun. "Listen to Her Heart" and "I Won't Back Down" deserve mention. "Listen to Her Heart" because of the lyric, "You think you're gonna take her away, with your money and your cocaine," and because it's just really good. And "I Won't Back Down" because I really identified with this song when i was young and faced with lots of shitty stuff. I really felt like it kept me going sometimes. Now, about the second side of Full Moon Fever. The song "Yer So Bad," my best friend and I used to sing to each other in middle school a lot. It was her favorite. It might be the all time fave for me too, but If I had to pick a Tom Petty song to listen to RIGHT NOW, It'd probably be "Thing About You." I love "Feel a Whole Lot Better." Some dude I was super into in 2006 rejected me and I listened to that song a lot and thought about it. It was a good time. "Depending on you" is so good. I love the verses. It means a lot to me. "Zombie Zoo" is great. It's about freaks, and everybody knows I love freaks. "Apartment Song" is easily a candidate for real number one fave. I used to live in a two-room apartment. Who didn't, I guess? I loved that apartment. I would also like to note that I never went through a "Free Fallin'" sucks phase. Why would "Free Fallin'" ever suck? Is this answer too long?

What do you like about Tom Petty?
His face. His voice, it's very distinct. His hair. His style. His guitar riffs. I feel like Tom is the real deal. Very pure at heart.

What is your first memory of Tom Petty?
My mom had a copy of Full Moon Fever on cassette in the car at all times. She used to play it a lot and sing it to me when we were driving around or on trips to Astoria or other parts of the Oregon coast.

Is there anything about Tom Petty that you don't like?
There is a documentary about Tom Petty. It's like 3 or 4 hours long. Eric Randall and Andrew Sullivan have seen it and they both tell me how mind blowing it is. I don't like that I have not seen it. I would like to add that my mom won tickets to see Tom Petty on the radio. We went and she got drunk and told me how sexy I was. We slept in a tent with Shig and Michael Cadiz (they were there playing a show in the Terrordactyls, I think it was Sasquatch or something). About two years later Tom Petty was playing at the Gorge again on my birthday. I got a bunch of free tickets from my work. Mom got drunk again, but this time just danced really funny and flirted with a nearby dude. Bree has some funny videos of it.

You see? That's unadulterated love! I just don't get it! Here's more from Shannon Kringen:

How long have you liked Tom Petty?
I've loved the music of Tom Petty since 1979 when I was 11 years old. It was love at first listen, so to speak. Then I saw a photo of him on the cover of Damn the Torpedoes and I was totally hooked! Such a uniquely handsome man with a beautiful voice, lyrics, melody...great songwriter.

What is your favorite Tom Petty song?
I enjoy many of his songs, his most recent song I love is called "The Trip to Pirate's Cove" from the Mojo album that just came out. Another favorite is "A Face in the Crowd" from the Full Moon Fever album from 1989. Each record has it's own mood. I love songs from every album he's put out in the last 22 years or so! He's quite prolific. I also love the song "Louisiana Rain," a country slide guitar song from 1979. Also the track "Turn This Car Around" from the Highway Companion album from 2006 is GREAT.

What do you like about Tom Petty?
His unique style of blending blues/country/folk/rock/jangled guitars with beautiful harmony vocals. It's the Byrds, Dylan, George Harrison, Rolling Stones combo...and yet he has his own texture in his voice. It's all his own even though you can hear the influence. His music is very serious and yet lighthearted and fun at the same time. Very sexy and romantic and yet angry and playful all in one. I find his sound soothing and yet it also helps me express my anger to listen to the more fast and loud songs.

What is your first memory of Tom Petty?
VIVID MEMORY! it was EPIC! Being 11 years old and hearing "Refugee" on the jukebox in a pizza parlor. I was missing San Diego, California where I was born and I had only been in Washington state for two years. When I heard those wailing guitars and the lyrics "Everybody's had to fight to be free" and "You don't have to live like a refugee," I felt comforted big time! Somehow the music reminded me of California and the ocean. Then when I saw a photo and learned he was from Florida but his home base is Southern California it sort of cemented him in my mind as a shaman-like character that reminds me it's all okay and just because my family chose to leave California abruptly and against my will I would be okay and I still have my comforting ocean/San Diego treasure within me. So, Tom Petty's music is a symbol I use to help me feel better and more grounded in my own personal truth. It's also a funny thing that I had never heard Tom Petty music while I was a kid in Southern California and yet the little boys I had crushes on when I was very young were always the blond haired blue eyed ones. So when I saw Tom Petty's face after hearing his voice and loving the sound by itself it really melted my heart. What an archetype is he for me! Music is powerful that way.

Is there anything about Tom Petty that you don't like?
He smokes cigarettes! (though i don't really mind as I am not around him personally, but I hope he lives a long long time and keeps writing songs and stays healthy as long as possible.)

Well, so there you have it! Petty arguments for and against Tom Petty! How about you? Do you have to live like a refugee?