(Note: I am sorry this edition of Caperin' is so late. I currently have thrush & polyps.)

SETTING: Tacky & crowded Belltown sushi restaurant, 06/19/2011 11:45pm
Derek Erdman: I want to write about how much I like early U2.
Grant Brissey: Charles Mudede already did that in a recent Up & Coming.
Emily Nokes: U2 IS NOT UP AND COMING!

Last Thursday I was driving up Denny and realized that the minivan taxicab next to me was being driven by U2's The Edge. At least it looked just like him, with that standard stocking cap that he has been wearing since his head lawn started thinning in the mid 1980s. I excitedly pointed this out to the other person in my car, and remarked that it must be really hard to drive a cab if the "streets have no name." Said person declared that my joke wasn't funny and that she hated U2 even more than anything else. I tried to get a picture of U2's The Edge driving the minivan taxicab, but said person wouldn't allow it. People really, really, really hate U2.

• U2 as "turnbuckle heads". (h/t Jamie Drier, Charles French)

MUCH MORE AFTER THE CHOP (chop, chop):

As a youngster, I really loved U2. Boy & October remain firmly planted in my list of 999 favorite records. I stopped listening to them in 1984 when I started listening to the Dead Milkmen instead. But as far as quirky new wave bands go, U2 kind of totally ruled.

At first they were awkward and almost creepy, and did a really good job of mixing toned-down religion with sweet ping-pong lead guitar playing. Also, there's the wonderful story about the suitcase full of lyrics for October that was stolen in Portland and was found years later in a Tacoma attic.

• Turn your head and read this text message.

I used to have endless conversations with a man named Boomer about how many babes the secular U2 bass player Adam Clayton must have scored throughout the years. While the other three members were saying the rosary, Adam Clayton dated and was engaged to British supermodel Naomi Campbell. Naomi Campbell is also known to have had affairs with other famous men, including boxer Mike Tyson and actor Robert De Niro. She's also had several high-profile assault convictions. THE WORLD IS GROSS! I polled a number of people about U2, they were so grumpy about it.

• Bono as Reptile, 2012

Last evening a did a reading with Cienna Madrid and Brian McGuigan about having bad fathers or not having fathers at all. I almost cried during mine. I am so sensitive lately.

• "I am so sensitive lately." - Derek Erdman 2011

On Saturday I went to a show at the Crocodile. All of the bands were wonderful. Two people fainted during Tacocat's set and had to be taken away in emergency vehicles. Kid Congo Powers played "Sex Beat". The Intelligence were absolutely triumphant. While outside I noticed a man fall over claiming to be maced, though nobody seemed to be around him. He went through all of the motions of being maced, I was soon convinced that he had been maced. One of the Crocodile security guards assured me that the man hadn't been maced. "He does this every few days," the security guard added.

• "He does this every few days." - Security Guard 2011

Who wants all of these Soy Joy bars for free? For some reason I hoarded them at Sasquatch but they taste to me like chalky dirt.

Now that summer has descended upon the Emerald City, it may be a good idea to quit your job and take advantage of the social services made available to you as a citizen of the United States of America. Although members of Wham(!) came from England, the sentiment of the song below translates just fine to improving your life to the power of 999. Lyrical case in point: "Hey everybody take a look at me / I've got street credibility / I may not have a job / But I have a good time / With the boys that I meet "down on the line" / I said, I don't need you / So you don't approve / Well who asked you to?"

• "During the 1950s the brand accounted for nearly a third of all peanut butter sold in the Seattle area."

• REJOICE: cat + shiny cheeseburger.

• BEWARE: Marv's Broiler.

• Did Frankie Crescioni invent this?

I hope that everything is perfect for you. If it is not, get everything to be perfect for you. Aim low! Have a nap!