Dear Teenagers of the World:
I realize I am older than you, and therefore it's probably in your best interest to never acknowledge my opinion on anything. HOWEVER! There is currently a teenager running around out in the world that is making the rest of you look like shit—and you should probably do something about it. This teenager's name is T. Mills (which I think is short for "Teen Millionaire" or something) and he's just the type of teen that your parents are deathly afraid of, and not in a good way. T. Mills is a total dickhead who smokes, calls girls "bitches," wears those big earlobe rings, and is just generally disrespectful in every possible way. Why should this matter to you? Because he will probably generate a crap-ton of media attention for being such a dick, and therefore become the next "big thing" that parents get freaked out about. This means you can say "goodbye" to unsupervised trips to the mall, dates with college freshmen, and overnight stays at Jenny's house (actually your boyfriend/college freshman Tad). Trust me on this, kids—REIGN THIS DICKHEAD IN.
Okay, fine, don't listen to me. Just watch. (This video is labeled NSFW, because this kid is a total dick.) He's gonna ruin it for all of you.
Your mentor,
Wm. Steven Humphrey