Brian Joseph Davis has collated The Consumed Guide, "a text composed from thousands of negative words and phrases assembled from 13,090 reviews by Robert Christgau and turned into a single review." Christgau, for the unaware, is the self-proclaimed "dean of American rock critics." He's been writing about music since 1967 and is the proud subject of the Sonic Youth song "I Killed Christgau with My Big Fucking Dick," a slight variation on their track "Kill Yr Idols" off Confusion Is Sex. Choice line from The Consumed Guide: "The motherfucker realizes that metalheads will throw money at you long after your hip cachet has gone the way of your hard-on." Sate yourself on the hate here.
(Trivia: I proofread Christgau's Consumer Guide column [typed and sent via snail mail from New York City] when I worked for Creem magazine in 1985. His typewriter seemed pretty janky for an esteemed critic...).