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Monday, August 29, 2011

Caperin': The Actual Dregs of Humanity

Posted by on Mon, Aug 29, 2011 at 12:10 PM

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"Without peanut butter, I might starve." — Judy Blume

BBQ PARADISE FOUND! This past week I was delighted to discover that RoRo BBQ in Wallingford has unbearably tasty BBQ ribs. My Seattle BBQ experience now ranges from the lows of hot dogs and ketchup sauce I was once served in White Center to this holy grail of smoked & flavored animal parts. If you choose to sit down and eat at this place, treat yourself to a stroll over towards Gas Works Park afterward, where Linda Powell accepted Steve Dunne's proposal of marriage in the movie Singles. If you've never seen this triumph of cinema, I suggest continuing to not see it. Also, skip the Lake Deli Mart on N. Northlake Way. There couldn't possibly be a more depressing place to buy a Butterfinger bar.

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Listen, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. That secret is that Sinéad O'Connor wants to have sex with you. Her personal website has turned into a dire plea for between the sheets action, but you have to be at least 44 and live in Ireland. There seem to be other prerequisites as well, but as I've been following along they to keep changing. This story can only end in one way: extreme train wreck. Sign me up for that.

Nothing Compares 2 Asking U 4 Sex
  • Nothing Compares 2 Asking U 4 Sex

For the sake of full disclosure, I have to reveal that I created the logo for O'Connor's 2005 record label called That's Why There's Chocolate & Vanilla. We spent two hours on the phone during that year, scheduled to talk about what the logo should look like, but ended up talking about a television show called It's Your Move with a young Jason Bateman instead. This is a true story!

NEW CAPERIN' COLUMN:
Ask Two Crusties W/ a Dog on Their Way To Portland!

Dear TCWADOTWTP,

I live in South Park and I work in Queen Anne. Since the deep-bore tunnel was approved, I've been really worried about how my morning and evening commutes in my Subaru Forester could be affected. On top of that, my wife works from home and already complains that my office job is detrimental to our relationship. What should I do?

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Logan: First of all, even owning a car in this day and age makes you a slave holder. Every mile that you drive in that Subaru is like asking Japanese children to pull a plow through a field for your convenience. Seattle's temperate climate ensures that there isn't a reason that you couldn't ride a tall bike from South Park to Queen Anne every day on the week.

Fern: The gender binary is a myth, chem-trails are not. HAARP actually exists, you need to look that up!

"The Fall" by John Peel:

The West Seattle DMV: DECLARED MUY VILE
  • The West Seattle DMV: DECLARED MUY VILE

Kerri Harrop: best DMV in town. Do not fuck with it.
Pete Capponi: That place is a toilet.
Kerri Harrop: Oh, like Pete knows what a toilet looks like. HE PEES OUTSIDE!
Pete Capponi: I've peed in toilets before. One of them being the west Seattle DMV...and they dont even HAVE a toilet! ZANG!

 

Comments (8) RSS

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blip 1
All I know is that fetus will earn more money gestating than I would see in 10 lifetimes. Congratulations for winning the genetic lotto, kid. Don't spend it all in one place.
Posted by blip on August 29, 2011 at 12:39 PM · Report this
2
Thanks for hyping RoRo, I love everything about that place. Hi, Kelly! :-)
Posted by maddogm13 on August 29, 2011 at 12:47 PM · Report this
3
But Derek, YOU drive a Subaru Forester! I am confused.
Posted by laceyswain on August 29, 2011 at 1:09 PM · Report this
derek_erdman 4
I'm not going to Portland! Lacey, the neighbors were fist fighting in the back yard just now. Let's go to Sushi Land for dinner!
Posted by derek_erdman http://www.derekerdman.com on August 29, 2011 at 1:12 PM · Report this
Dougsf 5
The laughtrack on It's Your Move almost makes the show surreal. Or meta. Or one of those modern things that just isn't right.

Also, the photo on Sinead's site is, um, not current.
Posted by Dougsf on August 29, 2011 at 1:17 PM · Report this
Trent Moorman 6
You have to be at least 44 and live in Ireland and be really into Prince.
Posted by Trent Moorman on August 29, 2011 at 1:57 PM · Report this
Larry Mizell, Jr. 7
RoRo is my type of hype. It's name always makes me think of the kid from Another Bad Creation on "Playground": "well it's RoRo comin' in third"
Posted by Larry Mizell, Jr. on August 29, 2011 at 3:39 PM · Report this
shmemily 8
You just bought yourself a weekend of sitting outside the Singles house while I recite the entire movie.
Posted by shmemily on August 29, 2011 at 5:13 PM · Report this

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