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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Drunk-Banana Poetry Contest! Vote and Vote NOW!!

Posted by on Tue, Nov 8, 2011 at 2:03 PM

Have you read any of the fine, fine entries in this week's official Drunk of the Week Poetry Contest?!? There's some real horny dandy ones!

Now it's time FOR YOU to help me pick a winner—the winning entry that will take home the grand prize of: one loaf of banana bread, a tube of SPF-50 Banana Boat® suntan lotion, a Drunk of the Week T-shirt, and a box of lightbulbs.

The 10 best entries are after the jump! VOTE! VOTE NOW!!

There once was a tipsy Chicquita...
  • Kelly O
  • "There once was a tipsy Chicquita..."

1.
There once was a tipsy Chicquita
Whose pants bunched up in the seat-a.
Now that she's bought a
Pina colada
Life's gotten even more sweet-a.
- auntie grizelda

2.
now that the proof is revealed
and your halloween hangover healed
stir white russians once you've got 'em
for the straw sucks the goods from the bottom
which gets a vampire easily peeled
- capHillDilf

3.
Grabbing at the straw with a set of crazy teeth
doesn't necessarily get you what you need
You're just a big banana, a drunk piece of fruit
Why are you all blissed out and yellow?
Don't you know it's moot to wear that kind of suit
when you're getting ripe in age?
Well, maybe that's just it
You don't give a shit
You've gone and lost it
or you've really got a dick under there or something
I don't know
what's this all about
maybe you gone and got the gout
you're just a big cover up
a stupid fool
i'm not trying to be a dick, really
'cause i like you, for some reason i really do
i just can't figure you out.
- DreamCrusher

4.
She's big and yellow and fabulous like Big Bird.
She's also a vampire — that's what I heard.
Look at her teeth, sporting fangs like Dracula,
All in all, I think she's quite spectacular!
Smiling sweetly, sipping on her White Russian,
She'll knock you over, give you a concussion!
- PeterO

5.
There once was a banana named Alice
Who drank nifty drink from her chalice
Much too drunk Monday Night
Puked on Mr. Right
But still got some for being shaped like a phallus
- AveryTurnstyle

6.
Drinking through two straws:
Easy with fangs, hard for a
Pickled banana
- bleedingheartlibertarian

7.
She had cherry lips,
But pale fingertips,
She was quite long and seductively yellow,
I, being horny, walked up, said, "Hello!"
She was already tipsy, but another ought to get her ready,
No girl can resist a White Russian! That’s according my life coach, Fast Freddy.
It took all my courage, all my guts,
She seemed a bit interested, but mostly in my nuts?
“May I buy you another? Your banana is bright, but you aren’t quite lit.”
Fast Freddy’s advice sucks fucking balls. Fastest I’ve ever seen a banana split.
- GrumpyShoe

8.
Banana Banana and this vampire Johanna
Planned a tryst one night in October
But when the time came
Sadly, much to her shame
'Anna couldn't complete the deed sober!

So she knocked a few back, then revealing her rack
With a smile brought the Ripe One inside'er
With a twist and a tug
The two fucked on the rug
'Anna swore she'd ne'r felt righter!

So, sad she became after crying his name
to discover her source of orgasm
had succumbed with a flush
and in passion made mush
from the force of her quivering spasm

As she stared with a tear at her thighs and the smear
that was all that remained of her lover
a thought in her mind
of Banana's sweet grind
inspired the search for another!

So Johanna I'm told, dear Johanna the Bold
made a habit of dressing in yellow
with a drink in her hand
and an outfit quite grand
In search of a banana-shaped fellow!
- Ezra.Ezra.Ezra

9.
Life was divine, up on the vine.
There were no haters, on the equator.

Here in Seattle, life is a battle.
Harsh and sober, cold October.

But booze distorts me, a cocktail transports me.
Eyes pressed tight, suspended in flight.

A toothy smile and I'm back in the wild.
Fastened but free, up in a tree.
- adambatlan

10.
bananarama had it's venus a couple more russians and you'll have my penis...
i'll leave your costume with a man stain...
while i secretly wish i woulda fucked a plantain.
- flounder

 

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