“Inspired by royalty, I created this silky drink to celebrate the beautiful, independent and sophisticated women of today. It is a truly elegant experience for the modern day queen and her court of friends.”

I really think I just sabotaged an otherwise productive meeting by being super late and then derailing the proceedings (and possibly pissing off people at neighboring tables) to crack jokes about what may well be Pharrell Williams' shark-ramp: the silky, milky liqueur Qream. Megan first brought it to my attention a couple months ago, and just last week Williams debuted this over-Instagrammed-out Qream Boat Cruise promo video. Maybe this is why the Clipse seem to have broken up: their one-time benefactor is busy throwing bottles of 99% dairy-free frufru rap liqueur at a bunch of rich white people in yachts. VA stand up?

That shit looks sort've like Sobe Liz Blizz, the last beverage to hold the "most hilariously semen-esque" crown. Between this and that sham of a show that N.E.R.D. did at the Key Arena a year ago, I can't really deal with Skateboard P anymore. (I know, he's been a Louis Vuitton dickbag for years now, but I was mostly able to ignore it.)

The non-dairy drink is definitely one-of-a-kind with it’s versatility and usages. The liqueur can not only be served on the rocks, but chilled in a martini glass, or even baked into cupcakes and pastries. Crazy right?

So what Seattle bars serve Pharrell's delicious Qream? Are there any upcoming formal attire urban tastemaker parties with Qream-colored balloons, Qream drink specials, or a Qream-sponsored step & repeat? What are, in fact, some good Qream drink specials? I'm thinking, pair it with baked beans, you got the "Boston Qream Pie". Maybe melted into Velveeta (the "Qream Cheese")? Paired with fresh, sweet corn, you get it, you get it.

Fuck that N.E.R.D. song that's in this too, but I'm guessing he couldn't license the Prince song (or even, duh, the Wu-Tang joint) to sell this sick swill.