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Monday, February 13, 2012

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz The Grammys Happened and They Were as Bad as They Always Are

Posted by Christopher Frizzelle on Mon, Feb 13, 2012 at 12:07 AM

Adele by Helga Esteb/SHUTTERSTOCK
Mass props and no more polyps.

But there was the chill of death in the air, which makes bad things more interesting. Whitney Houston's limp body might have been in an examiner's building blocks away, but that didn't stop Bruce Springsteen from starting off the night by saying: "America, are you alive out there?" (Maybe he hadn't heard?) LL Cool J recovered with, "There is no way around this: We've had a death in our family." Bonnie Raitt mentioned "the other great lady we lost this year, the one and only Etta James." Chris Brown thanked God. Adele did not thank God but she did thank her doctors, and then won a second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth award, none of which she thanked God for. (Thank God!) Foo Fighters played three separate times for absolutely no reason. (Whitney Houston died—cut some shit, guys!) Paul McCartney played twice. (Whatever Paul wants.) Alicia Keys and Bruno Mars have the same hair. Some bad things seem to have happened to Katy Perry recently. Jennifer Hudson looked freakily like Whitney Houston (hair silhouette) and looked moved (fighting tears). There should be an award for the jowls on those Beach Boys. A presenter was probably trying to praise Gil Scot Heron when she said, idiotically, "Thanks to poets like Gil Scott-Heron, the revolution IS being televised."

Rest in peace, Whitney Houston and Adele's polyp.

Comments (18) RSS

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The Grammys are only "bad" if your expecting an awards show and not a bizarro variety carnival where we learn that Nicky Minaj is a different kind of in touch with her crazy than most of her contemporaries.

BTW, on the local heroes front: Fleet Foxes lost best folk album to the Civil Wars and perpetual nominees Death Cab For Cutie lost best alternative album to Best "New" Artist Bon Iver.

Posted by Josh Bis

on February 13, 2012 at 12:11 AM

Why nothing about Bonny Bear?

Posted by Will in Seattle

on February 13, 2012 at 1:45 AM

I could only stand a little bit of it. Sunday night usually offers fairly attractive option compared to the rest of the week. Whitney's death is very sad, and I thought the Grammys - with its steady din - wasn't appropriately somber enough. The In Memoriam section required a speed reader unless, of course, you were pop talent who got their own screen. That's pretty tacky. I did enjoy (is that right to say, "Enjoy?") Jennifer Hudson's rendition of that song none of use wants to hear again (necessarily). It got to me, but she couldn't sing every stanza. Probably shouldn't sing about bittersweet memories or wishing that life treats the departed kind.

I realized that if I could somehow climb into some sort of personalized, industrial time machine wherein everything else stays the same, I just get younger, I'd like to date a few of the members of Foster the People at least once - sexual orientation aside. If they are like most musician I know, once would probably be enough (sorry, musicians).

Then, it was off to Cartoon Network where no one seriously thanks God.

Posted by Bauhaus I on February 13, 2012 at 1:51 AM

I think I've finally gotten to where the only musician I recognize is the one that is dead, and those that are next.
Adele's picture above includes the manliest chin I've ever seen on a woman. Reminded me on an anvil. There. I've said it, go ahead and judge me.

Posted by Purocuyu

on February 13, 2012 at 6:03 AM

Adele looks like Varla Jean Merman in that picture.

Posted by Jhell on February 13, 2012 at 6:16 AM

No, Katy Perry does not need to die. You're mean.

Posted by Puty on February 13, 2012 at 6:42 AM

I was installing a surround-sound system, so appreciated the rear-channel house noise of the broadcast so I could set levels. The commercials sounded better, though.

Posted by Brooklyn Reader on February 13, 2012 at 7:01 AM

Katy's act well done, stop bashing her. And you didn't even attempt to describe Nikki's performance? That was the bizzaro moment.

Posted by stinkbug on February 13, 2012 at 8:13 AM

You forgot to mention "auto tune" and "lip synching" performances.

Posted by CC-Rob on February 13, 2012 at 8:22 AM

Same as it ever was . . . back in the 60s all the cool kids thought the Grammys sucked too. The artists who won awards were performers a decade past their relevance, or looked like they had stepped out of the Brady Bunch. It was sickening.

Posted by Sachi

on February 13, 2012 at 9:05 AM

I thought Jennifer Hudson did a pretty excellent job considering she had 36 hours max to pull together that performance. Taylor Swift had a year to perfect her fake banjo playing and didn't pull it off (pro tip: the left hand moves, this makes notes).

My wife and I tried to count how many times LL licked his lips. It was seven by the end of his introduction.

My favorite part of the night: Dave Grohl's impassioned plea that music is made by real musicians and not computers (okay, dad) followed by the "get off the stage" music cue, the stage lights being turned out on the band, and the squiggly synthesizer sounds of LMFAO. Computers: 1, Dave Grohl: 0.

Posted by cosby

on February 13, 2012 at 9:08 AM

I love Adele's music to death and back - it's soulful and meaningful and excellent. But damn, girl needs a voice coach. If she doesn't fix her technique she's going to keep getting polyps until she can't sing.

Posted by Helix on February 13, 2012 at 9:43 AM

"Thanks to poets like Gil Scot Heron, the revolution IS being televised."

I didn't think it was possible to miss the point so badly.

Posted by schmacky on February 13, 2012 at 10:03 AM

What the hell was Robyn wearing?
http://www.buzzfeed.com/whitneyjefferson…

Posted by Kelly O on February 13, 2012 at 10:21 AM

@6 -- Okay, okay, she can live. Changed it.

Posted by Christopher Frizzelle on February 13, 2012 at 11:31 AM

Not die. Just go away. Unless you consider blowing whipped cream out your tits to be the state of the entertainment art.

Posted by maddogm13 on February 13, 2012 at 3:52 PM

If the presenter really did say "Thanks to poets like Gil Scott-Heron, the revolution IS being televised." Then I am very glad I did not watch the Grammys.

Posted by Simone on February 13, 2012 at 5:21 PM

I am one of the few that do not like Adele nor appreciated her chewing gum chomping on stage. Talk about tacky. Also, I am still sitting here scratching my head as to how her off key throaty yoddles, bellows and screeching to hit notes (but sorely misses, much to my ears dismay) has earned her not one, not two but six Grammy awards. I guess money CAN buy anything. She is just awful. She needs to go away just like Bruce Springsteen needs to retire...10 years ago.

Posted by crittercity on February 15, 2012 at 8:38 AM