Editor's note: Polite Interloper usually appears on Monday, but Gabby suffered a sprained ankle during a particularly rigorous flag football game and therefore could not type yesterday.
Thank you for calling your (REDACTED). For the bakery or deli department, please press one. For meat or seafood, press two. For the floral or produce department, press three. For the wine department or Starbucks, press four. To reach the pharmacy, press five. For store information, please press eight. Please remain on the line to hear this menu again. For all other departments or to speak to a customer service representative, please press zero.
One moment please.
Hi, um, I'm a student at the local university, my name is Gabby.
And I'm doing a survey about celebrities.
And you're calling a business at three o'clock in the morning?
I was wondering if you could tell me what celebrity each of these words remind you of. Number One, Celery Duff.
No thanks. (hangs up)
Hello, 24-hour Del Taco?
Um, I was wondering, uh, I have a friend who I'm supposed to be meeting there. I was wondering, is there a person there by the name of Celery Duff?
Not that I know of.
What was that?
Pigeon! (makes pigeon noises)
Pi-HI! Um, I had a quick question for you.
Um, If I say Tommy Hilfinger to you, what does that make you think of?