This is the second threatening email we've received today, care of noted homosexual Adrian Ryan, for daring string together the words "Monkees" and "wrinklier than muggy dog balls" in the same sentence:

Hey! I read your article about Davy Jones. I am 13 but that pissed me off. You're a disgrace to this world. I hope you get your eyeballs cut out and then get tortured. You're an asshole who should have his face slammed onto the concrete floor then have bricks thrown at you. I hope something bad happens to you because your are a FUCKING DUMB ASS RETARDED FAGGOT!!! And the reason I'm hoping you don't die is because nobody want you to end up with Davy and the rest of them in a wonderful place. Oh wait! You'll end up in a worse place!! So I hope you die!! So come to my house so I can kill you. But I'll torture you first. Y'know, Slam your face into a glass window, cut you, beat you up, put your teeth on a curve and jump on your head. How old are you also, 5?? Alright thanks, bye.

Sincerely,
all of us that love The Monkees... <3

Graphically weird violence aside, I'm just amazed that any 13-year-old has a fucking clue who the Monkees are.