Line Out Music & the City at Night

Friday, May 11, 2012

Who Would Be Eaten First?

Posted by on Fri, May 11, 2012 at 10:32 AM

If an imaginary plane full of musicians crashed high in the Andes Mountains, forcing survivors to endure three months of the harshest high-altitude conditions imaginable, and do unspeakable things to survive...


Comments (26) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
yos-wa 1
I would like to say Skrillex would be eaten first, but I feel it would be Ben Gibbard. Maybe if I knew more about all these people's eating habits (I think vegetarians would be a little more uneasy about eating other people) I could have a better estimate.

Gotta give it to my boy Buzzo for surviving though.
Posted by yos-wa on May 11, 2012 at 11:00 AM · Report this
Trent Moorman 2
Gibbard runs marathons now though. He'd endure. And be able to run to safety.

Manson seems weak, sickly. Likely to die quickly. On the other hand, if he survives impact he'd be the first willing to eat the deceased, thus, giving him strength.
Posted by Trent Moorman on May 11, 2012 at 11:07 AM · Report this
Trent Moorman 3
and Manson would taste worse than Skrillex.
Posted by Trent Moorman on May 11, 2012 at 11:10 AM · Report this
biffp 4
@2, he was stupid enough to marry Zooey Deschanel. My money is on Gaga.
Posted by biffp on May 11, 2012 at 11:13 AM · Report this
sikandro 5
Beyonce is a survivor. She's gonna make it.
Posted by sikandro on May 11, 2012 at 11:15 AM · Report this
biffp 6
@5, I had her eaten first. There's some pretty juicy bits on her.
Posted by biffp on May 11, 2012 at 11:20 AM · Report this
i chose beyonce to get eaten first because... i mean look at her. she's be good eatin'. i don't even know if i'd have to get plane-crashy with her to eat her... that gal is fit. i'm pretty sure i could make a delicious high-altitude brisket with what she offers without a problem.

i chose buzzo to survive, because he's likely the only one who'd be dressed to survive, what with his flannel or sweatshirt or whatnot. gaga's telephone hat will fail to keep her warm.
Posted by deepconcentration on May 11, 2012 at 11:27 AM · Report this
Gaga is eaten on like, day 2. She'd be Cornish fucking game hen. Buzzo and Manson would be putrid. Lil Wayne and Dina make an alliance and save Beyonce's body for themselves.
Posted by Captitan & Taneel on May 11, 2012 at 11:28 AM · Report this
Will in Seattle 9
Beyonce, cause she's just tasty.
Posted by Will in Seattle on May 11, 2012 at 11:36 AM · Report this
yos-wa 10
whoa, jack white's in the lead to survive right now? what the fuck?! if you think manson looks sickly and unable to survive.....
Posted by yos-wa on May 11, 2012 at 12:03 PM · Report this
undead ayn rand 11
Manson's probably filled with countless worms and parasites, splitting open like a Oogie Boogie sack.
Posted by undead ayn rand on May 11, 2012 at 12:42 PM · Report this
More, I Say! 12
@10 I actually voted J-Dubs as the survivor, because he seems real scrappy, and likely to be a little bit insane. I can see him going wolf-boy alone into the wilderness. Howling.
Posted by More, I Say! on May 11, 2012 at 12:42 PM · Report this
yos-wa 13
For survival:
Manson - nothing would be shocking because they're in survival mode, so he would just give up.
Wayne - no professional chefs around to cook meals for him, so he's out.
Gaga - a mix between what happens with Manson and Wayne.
Skrillex - no technology, no life.
Dina - not gonna lie, I have no idea who this is.
Jack - would probably try to collaborate, or make an alliance, with the most unlikely person. it will end up terrible and he will die.
Yolandi - also don't know who this is.
Buzzo - uses his hair as clothing and to start fires, also as a garrote to kill people.
Beyonce - no guards to shut off the wing of the mountain she's on, dead.
Eminem - starts out scrappy, then his therapy kicks in and he turns into a wimp (see his first 2 albums vs. the rest)
Gibbard - I already said he'd be eaten first. Although he apparently is a good runner but not gonna help when he's running in the fucking andes. frozen to death.
Posted by yos-wa on May 11, 2012 at 12:59 PM · Report this
No doubt that Lil Wayne would survive the longest. He's very smart, very strong, and frankly, New Orleans is about as dangerous a place as any of these folks reside from...
Posted by scratchmaster joe on May 11, 2012 at 1:18 PM · Report this
Meatloaf, duh.
Posted by the existing choices make no sense on May 11, 2012 at 1:44 PM · Report this
Erin Resso 16
@5 FTW
Posted by Erin Resso on May 11, 2012 at 2:07 PM · Report this
Trent Moorman 17
13- Excellent points. As for scrappiness, don't underestimate Wayne. And I agree about Beyonce - no private wing of the mountain, she's dead.

You're off on Gibbard though. Someone whose in shape enough to run 26.2 miles is going to last longer. He's not going to be doing any jogging for health up there, sure. But as far as someone whose got a shot to trudge through snow and unknown distance to safety, he's got the best chance by far. And for just pure survival, I'll take the guy who can run marathons. I don't see Manson, White, or Gaga lasting very long.
Posted by Trent Moorman on May 11, 2012 at 2:08 PM · Report this
Trent Moorman 18
"whose" - make that "who is." thank you
Posted by Trent Moorman on May 11, 2012 at 2:12 PM · Report this
Cascadian 19
Another vote for Buzzo to survive. I voted Eminem to get eaten first. Beyonce might be good eatin' but I think the men turn against each other first.
Posted by Cascadian on May 11, 2012 at 2:55 PM · Report this
Njoy 20
Manson is a genius (literally, not musically for my taste, he has a ridiculously high IQ) So I think he would survive fo sho, and have to battle it out with little weezy. Someone please write this fanfic!
Posted by Njoy on May 11, 2012 at 2:58 PM · Report this
yos-wa 21
just because new orleans is dangerous doesn't mean you can survive in the wilderness. also, he's been living the cash money lifestyle since he was what, 16? i don't even know if he would have the urban survival skills necessary at this point. plus, he'd be wearing skin tight zebra print pants, so that's going against him.

and having a genius level iq probably just means you're gonna get eaten first. cavemen weren't geniuses and they seemed to fare just fine out in the wilderness.
Posted by yos-wa on May 11, 2012 at 3:09 PM · Report this
blip 22
The whole gang could subsist for weeks on Buzzo's hair and Dina's lipstick.
Posted by blip on May 11, 2012 at 3:48 PM · Report this
Anna Anna Anna 23
Buzzo would form an alliance with Eminem on Beyonce's private wing of the mountain. They'd be hiding out under one of her marble baths and eating her bacon scraps. Then when Eminem was looking the other direction, Buzzo would eat him.
Posted by Anna Anna Anna on May 11, 2012 at 5:59 PM · Report this
Anybody who says Manson's too scrawny obviously hasn't the guy lately...He's got a lot of meat on his bones now, he'd make a much better meal than Beyonce. He's gone 1st.
Posted by sauceonside on May 11, 2012 at 8:57 PM · Report this
"(I think vegetarians would be a little more uneasy about eating other people)"

Depends on WHY they're vegetarian. I'm a vegetarian because I oppose factory farming, not because eating meat is wrong. I would totally eat another person if I had to.

Lil' Wayne seems scrappy to me. I'd put money on him to live. I don't know who King Buzzo is, but Google images indicates he's got some meat on his bones. He'd probably taste the best.
Posted by J from Oregon on May 12, 2012 at 2:30 PM · Report this
wilbur@work 26
@7 wins the thread.

Gibbard gets gobbled first as he'd easily be the most annoying of the bunch. Lil' Wayne survived both NOLA projects and prison, even if it wasn't bang-you-in-the-ass prison.
Posted by wilbur@work on May 12, 2012 at 6:48 PM · Report this

Add a comment

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC
1535 11th Ave (Third Floor), Seattle, WA 98122
Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy