The American public has spoken and they have decided that the unholy sexual congress of hair metal and Tom Cruise should be ignored.

This is a huge relief for me. The only thing I hate more than Tom Cruise is 80s metal that's been overplayed to death by Big Radio. Note, please, that I'm not saying hair metal is terrible. I'm saying that those 150 or so songs that Clear Channel decided to be representative of hair metal have been put into heavy rotation for decades, and now I can't hear any of them without experiencing a wave of nausea. These so-called "jukebox musicals," which try to cash in on that overplayed music one...last...time, only exacerbate the problem.

In other great news, Adam Sandler's latest movie flopped, too. Thank you, American moviegoing public! It's like Christmas around here today.