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Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Kurt Cobain at the Safeway

Posted by on Tue, Jul 24, 2012 at 1:21 PM

  • derek erdman

Similar to this post, the official Kurt Cobain grocery joke list below:

"What was on Kurt's shopping list? A gelato, and some drano, a burrito, and Doritos..." - Ryan Duncan

"Kurt walks up to a store attendant and asks, "Where do you guys keep the... oh, never mind" - Pat Jandro

"What flavor crackers does Kurt Cobain like to top with cheese? On a plain." - Derek Erdman

"Safeway's opening up a new mini-section called Smells Like Wines and Spirits." - Mike Force

"Kurt picks up a can of kidney beans (for Frances) at Safeway, says, "This is dumb, I don't wanna have to drain you. I'll just buy in bulk at Hole Foods." - Sarah Moody

"Crêpe me." - Emily Nokes

"Polly wants a cracker. Well tell her to go to the Safeway and get some herself." - Carlee McManus

"Why wasn't Kurt proud of Frances Bean's pastry making skills? Because she should have Cinn-a-bon." - Jessica Oliver

"Guys this is stupid, don't milk it for all it's worth." - Slamantharina Marantha Webvin

So many more laffs after the jump! Add your own jokes in the comments section.

"What did Kurt Cobain like to put on a plain bagel? Heart-shaped lox." - Amy Dials

"Why did Kurt Cobain order a Safeway sandwich platter for his kitchen staff? A: He wanted to serve the servants." - Derek Erdman

"Kurt broke a jar of pickles and when the guy came to wipe it up, he was all apologies." - Ryan Duncan

"Why was it so hard for Kurt to cook Mexican seafood? There just always seemed to be something in the way of his finding a scentless apprentice behind the meat counter." - Jessica Oliver

"I'm so happy, 'cause today I found my friends, in aisle ten." - Dan Korn

"Why was Kurt shopping in the cleaning aisle? Because he had a stain that he wanted to remove with bleach!" - Derek Erdman

"Why is Kurt Cobain even at the grocery store? I thought he was anorexorcist?" - Slamantharina Marantha Webvin

"Grape me." - Emily Nokes

"Frances Bean has been shopping At the grocery store since she was in utero." - Carlee McManus

"Kurdt couldn't decide what kind of clothing iron to buy in the kitchen section and there was a Christian person trying to help him and he just said, 'Jesus doesn't want me for a Sunbeam' so he got the Black & Decker instead." - David Williams

"What's Kurt Cobain's favorite soda? VERY grAPE." - Jessica Oliver

"Sit and drink Venti Zen iced tea." - Dan Korn


Comments (21) RSS

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yos-wa 1
cinn-a-bon has to be the best one. way to go, jessica oliver.

honorary mention - crepe me.
Posted by yos-wa on July 24, 2012 at 1:57 PM · Report this
Megan Seling 2
My favorite Nirvana song to hear while grocery shopping is "Coupon a Plain."
Posted by Megan Seling on July 24, 2012 at 2:17 PM · Report this
LogopolisMike 3
I hate myself for spit taking three times while reading these.
Posted by LogopolisMike on July 24, 2012 at 2:41 PM · Report this
Posted by derek_erdman on July 24, 2012 at 2:58 PM · Report this
--MC 5
What was Kurt screaming in the candy aisle?
Posted by --MC on July 24, 2012 at 3:07 PM · Report this
yos-wa 6
he had to make a stop in the cereal aisle because he told some friends to "come on over to eat some trix. uhhhhhh huhhhhhhh." and he always eats organic because he knows that "gmo farmers will have their revenge on your colon."
Posted by yos-wa on July 24, 2012 at 3:16 PM · Report this
--MC 7
Did he meet Morrissey there? I thought Morrissey did an album called "Safeway Here We Come".
Posted by --MC on July 24, 2012 at 3:21 PM · Report this
The cherry flavored antacids are on which isle, again?
Posted by chocolatecherry on July 24, 2012 at 3:39 PM · Report this
r.chops 9
sell the kids for food.
sorry frances.
Posted by r.chops on July 24, 2012 at 3:43 PM · Report this
blip 10
And I swear that I don't hamburger bun, no I don't hamburger bun.
Posted by blip on July 24, 2012 at 3:51 PM · Report this
Q: Why did Kurt run out to the parking lot ahead of everyone else?

Q: What was Kurt doing in the beer aisle poking holes in cans?
Posted by Q: What Jr Walker & Allstars song played on the PA? on July 24, 2012 at 4:02 PM · Report this
A gelato, an albino...
Posted by aiff on July 24, 2012 at 5:16 PM · Report this
Matt Hickey 13
This is a terrible one that was told to me by someone who knew Kurt well. She thinks it's hilarious, which it is, but it's also in really, really bad taste.

Q: What's the last thing Kurt said before he pulled the trigger?

A: Hole's gonna be huge!

... I am so sorry.
Posted by Matt Hickey on July 24, 2012 at 6:33 PM · Report this
What's Kurt's favorite fruit? "Peaches."
(PS - If you were there in 1991, you'd get this.
Can also double as a P.U.S.A. joke.
OK, you can stop reading this post now.)
Posted by Julian in Seattle on July 24, 2012 at 6:57 PM · Report this
Vaseline and meat puppets.
Posted by Eric Reynolds on July 24, 2012 at 7:20 PM · Report this
The Hole joke is better like this:

Q: What's the last thing Courtney said to Kurt before he pulled the trigger?

A: Hole's gonna be huge!

Posted by the shape on July 24, 2012 at 8:18 PM · Report this
@16: So close...

It's supposed to be: What's the last thing Courtney said to Kurt before she pulled the trigger?

(or, I mean, you know, before the hitman she hired pulled it...)
Posted by aiff on July 24, 2012 at 9:53 PM · Report this
Pmasp 18
Gallons of alcohol flow through the strip malls
Posted by Pmasp on July 24, 2012 at 11:25 PM · Report this
Getting off the Safeway topic: What did Kurt say to Red Robin? "Yum as you are."
Posted by Julian in Seattle on July 24, 2012 at 11:38 PM · Report this
Larry Mizell, Jr. 20
I Hate My Spelt And I Want A Chai
Posted by Larry Mizell, Jr. on July 25, 2012 at 11:47 AM · Report this
I'm 85 Years Old 21
I hate myself and I want some pie
Posted by I'm 85 Years Old on July 26, 2012 at 9:02 AM · Report this

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