Underworld - Isles Of Wonder
Despite having the most relatively incontestable Opening Ceremony music in the history of the Olympics — from O.M.D. to Sugababes to The Kinks, The Jam, The Sex Pistols, David Holmes, Rizzle Kicks, Happy Mondays, and Underworld — and a series of closing shows featuring the likes of New Order, The Specials, Take That, The Who, Pet Shop Boys, the Spice Girls, and Blur, official songs about sports are always worth about as much as aromatherapy to a brick, and the British are still trying to somehow make new attempts that defy tradition.

Thing is, there's no real reason why singing of pools or round things being chucked on some grass is any more absurd than the usual club/love/politics clichés that've been plugging up both indie and mainstream music since Year Zero.

So why is it so depressingly impossible to pull it off?

Muse, Elton John, and Delphic are limp noodles, but some of the other contenders follow below in no logical order.

Something has to deserve the record button.

Something.